to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

[CalicoBlue]

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

YABU.
She offered advice. A firm response would have informed her you didn't want/need advice. No need for the "argument" your daughter expected.
sounds like a complete over-reaction from you and your daughter.

No surprised you are confused Angua

"We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant"

"She took the bra's that we wanted to try on away from me."

So, which was it OP?

Did you hand them over then storm out after getting valid advice or did the assistant wrestle them off you?

FightOrFlight

I handed them to her, said there were 5 items. She said her bit, I told her that we were happy with our choice and and she said I needed to get the non wired bras and did not give them back to me. Then we left.

I have just complained on the M&S feedback page and it keep crashing. Good way to avoid poor feedback.

That's totally out of order - especially when the advice isn't actually correct!

AnguaResurgam I don't know if she was trained on not, she was standing at the counter at the entrance to the ladies changing room.

That bit doesn't confuse me in the slightest, FightorFight, as I've been in oodles of changing rooms where you hand stuff to an assistant on the way in. Usually they check the number you have, then hand them back with the right numbered tag on. But if they refused to hand than back at that point, then it makes perfect sense.

I'd assumed this all happened in the way in to the changing rooms (hence assistant not seeing the DD at all for a while - but hard to miss a 13yo in a cubicle, but could be anyone's in a queue - and that men could see and hear what was going on).

But to add a question for clarity: did this take place a) in a cubicle or b) at the entrance to the changing rooms?

Slow typing leading to massive x-post!

Well OP if she actually refused to give them back then you are within your rights to complain. That's just odd and not great customer service. It's your (and your daughter's) decision whether you want her to try on bras that you have been advised are not appropriate.

YABU.

You went to M&S for a bra fitting.

Nuff said.

To he fair she didn't go for a bra FITTING. She went to try on bras.

I wouldn't let an M&S assistant anywhere near dd but seeing as it is the only place within 50 miles who sells dds size we do sometimes have to go there.

My dd (15) gets her bras from New Look. She prefers wired, foam cups. £9.99 for a 2 pack. They fit well and wash well.

But she didn't go for a bra fitting. She went with her daughter to try on something in the changing room. Someone decided to butt in and provide their unwanted advice on the items they had chosen and then continued on when she mentioned that they were happy with their choices.

OP Id be annoyed too. Doesn't matter what you were buying - it was none of her business. If you'd asked for advice then fair enough, but you didn't.

But, don't worry too much - have a laugh about it with your dd if you can :)

I would be cross about the attitude from the assistant, and complain. Especially since the advice was bollocks. I have only ever worn underwire bras, right from the age of 12 (when I already needed a D cup), and would have been desperately uncomfortable in non-underwired bras.

I would also tell my dd to not be silly re: not going bra shopping again. Bras are needed, so they must be bought. If there is a choice of shop (within budget) then your dd could exercise consumer choice and go elsewhere, but if that is all that is available, she needs to go back.

RedToothBrush did you even read the OP?

Blue, the assistant WBU to refuse to give them back, however it does sound like you are making a much bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.

I do feel for your DD though bra shopping with mum when you're a teenager can be horrendous.

Maybe take your DD to somewhere a bit younger and funkier than M&S, it might tempt her to try again.

OP - You are being totally unreasonable and your response is clearly escalating your DD anxiety.

When DD walked off if you'd responded with a comment such as "Well, that lady was helpful, I didn't realize that about underwiring." you could have diffused the situation.

Calm down and see how ridiculous you are being when all the assistant has done is to offer helpful advice.

DD is probably feeding off your unreasonable anger and sense of injustice.

I agree with skylark2, you're doing your DD a disservice if you let this become a giant embarrassing awful experience that was all about a shop assistant being rude or nosy.

My younger sister is an absolute nightmare about everything, rude to complete strangers who aren't even talking to or about her, talks disrespectfully and angrily about innocent shop assistants, bursts into tears and shouts and screams the second we get away from any situation where she feels she's been even slightly embarrassed or brushed to one side or not given her due respect as the main star of the ongoing drama that is her life, and won't stop until people agree that she has been wronged and everything was the other person's fault. I can't spend time around her when out with the people who enable her to act like this (now at age 18, no less).

If it had been me in there with my teen daughter I would have minimised the incident, if my daughter had attempted to drag me away in a mortified manner I'd have told her to calm down.

All a big fuss about nothing, I'm sure she would have handed you the bras back if you had asked for me instead go leaving. Your daughter could then have tried then on and not felt the need to boycott M&S for the foreseeable future.

Fairy, why should the OP have told her DD that when A, they didn't ask her advice and B, her advice wasn't correct?

Fairy if the OP had said that re: underwriting she would have been doing her dd a huge disservice. It is not true. Underwire bras do need to fit properly (maybe that's why M&S don't encourage them for teens ) but they are fine to wear if they do.

I have always worn under wires, from first bra through 3 pregnancies and feeding, until now. It is fine, as long as they are fitted and checked properly.

Your daughter needs to stop being so stupidly sensitive.

Your job is to make your daughter proud of her body not so embarrassed and ashamed that you feel like complaining if someone points out, horror of horror that she actually has boobs.

New Look is no good if you are anything above an A cup in a 28 back Uggsmum

Having a 13 year old dd ya so nbu!! They are a different species.

I'd be more embarrassed bra shopping with my mother at 13 than have a shop assistant make a sensible comment.

YABU to be "furious" and I don't think it's helpful to your daughter to let her make such a drama out of it as to never go back again.

Yeah, she's 13, it's an awkward age. So I'd compromise by saying next time we could buy and try at home. Then the time after point out that was a faff and try on in store. But you do her no favours encouraging her to over react by never trying on a bra there again

Madam, really unpleasant. Perhaps you flap your baps about without a care in the world but we are discussing a 13 yo.

I concur with others comments that the idea that properly fitted underwire bras cause problems is utter bollocks.

I've worn underwires since I was 10/11 when my breast grew suddenly (seeminly overnight) and the only bra in my cup size were with underwire. I hated bra shopping. I already got enough attention for being a large breasted 10 y/o at primary school, I didn't need people seeing me buy whispers underwear

OP I totally understand why your daughter was embarrassed. I also think YWNBU to complain about this woman because she should appreciate that some young girls are already embarrassed and don't need someone causing a confrontation like that. It is also not her place to decide what you and your daughter do or do not buy, unless of course there's some rule (which I highly doubt). It's okay to give advice, when asked, so she obviously needs training so that she knows to ask before giving an opinion.