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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

226 replies

CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 16:41

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

OP posts:
CumberCookie · 11/01/2015 17:25

I'd be furious too actually. Surely the assistant should be sensitive to young girls and understand that they might very well be embarrassed.
As for the wired issue, at 13 I was very developed so that wouldn't have been an issue for me, but the assistant probably does know what she is talking about...I'm not sure.

cardibach · 11/01/2015 17:25

OP - she didn't take the bras away from you - she took them to lead you to a changing room, surely? They all do that!
Pasta - I'm a 20 and measure as 38 but need to actually buy a 40 - I don't measure true according to my very good bra fitter (small independent bra shop). Most people who go to her end up in a smaller back size than they think, so I trust it. Dress size and bra size aren't that well related.

StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 17:26

Marks and Spencer are utterly shit at all things bra fitting related, and do not have a clue in general. They tend to recommend bras which are vastly too big in the band and far too small in the cup. At a true 30HH they tried to tell me I needed a 36F. I could have tied it in a bloody bow Grin

Whilst it is easier when size is changing rapidly to not wear wires, the main reason is simply that many people don't know how a good bra should fit so don't recognise e.g. cups which are too small with wires resting on the breast tissue. if you allow your bra cup to become/be too small so that the wire is resting on the tissue then this can be unhealthy. The solution of course, is to make sure that your bra fits! Many teens, when fitted correctly, go into sizes which are only really available with wires.

They give the same "don't wear wires" advice to pregnant and breastfeeding women, and it's poor advice. As long as your wire does not rest on breast tissue, it's fine.

Of course, M&S seem to specialise in selling ill fitting bras which rest on breast tissue so...

daisychain01 · 11/01/2015 17:28

I would have used it as an opportunity to encourage my DD to take on board reasonable advice in the context of purchasing goods like bras. Not to get annoyed at the assistant. Maybe "thanks for that advice, we'll bear that in mind".

And also to say to DD that in that situation, at least listen to the advice given, as it could be something she could learn from. For example she could look up about teenage breast development and wired bras on the web to see if the assistant's information was accurate or not. If wired bras do have a detrimental effect on developing breasts, the assistant will have done her a favour.

But then again I have always been very matter of fact about things like that, not having had a mum around during puberty, so it was sink or swim!

grannytomine · 11/01/2015 17:28

I was going to say my DD wouldn't have been embarrassed at that age but then I saw your comment about her knowing you were going to argue with the assistant. My DD still finds that embarrassing and she is double your daughters age.

Saki5000 · 11/01/2015 17:29

She took the bra's that we wanted to try on away from me.

Of course it would be unreasonable for her to take the bras away from you so that your dd couldn't try them on!! That isn't your complaint in the OP though. Your original complaint is about the fact that the assistant gave unsolicited advice which should be no big deal.

StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 17:29

cardibach they're not that well related but they do give a rough indication in that a size 6 slim teen (for example) is unlikely to be a 34 or 36 (which they are often told to wear)

Admittedly it works more one way than the other - a size 6 is unlikely to be a 36 as they probably wouldn't fit in a size 6, but a size 18 could be a 30 band as they might have big boobs and big hips (making them an 18) but a small waist and underbust!

For anyone reading who needs fitting info, take a gander here

42bunnytails · 11/01/2015 17:30

YADNBU
I do have a 13yo DD and she would absolutely hate an assistant talking about her boobs and her choice of bras in infront of a queue of people.

She has wired and unwied bras, simply because that's what she liked that fitted.

Personally I think the growing breast tissue stuff is out dated nonsence, just as the no underwires in PG and when BFing is.

I cannot see how a bra, that feels comfortable, is likely to do any harm.

YonicSleighdriver · 11/01/2015 17:31

TooHasty, how was your DD measured for her bra? 34 is quite big for a teenager.

maddening · 11/01/2015 17:34

If the shop has a policy of advising against under wired bras for teenagers why do they stock underwired bras in the junior range?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 11/01/2015 17:34

I got measured in M&S when I was 15 and the girl tried to tell me I was a C cup. Haha I wish!!

skylark2 · 11/01/2015 17:39

"She won't go back to M&S."

Is she always such a drama queen? Tell her not to be so ridiculous.

Or let her believe, at 13, that the correct response to someone giving a bit of unsolicited advice is to make an enormous song and dance about it and cut off her nose to spite her face.

Your call.

TooHasty · 11/01/2015 17:39

Yonic When I measured her at home her under bust was 28" and the fullest part was 32" , but when we actually tried them on the only size that fitted was 34B is one that would fit

DayLillie · 11/01/2015 17:39

I think a lot of the rubbish about underwired bras is from the old wonderbras in the 1960s. They were seen as worn by girls who were a bit 'forward' and not the structural white things worn by nice girls. Underwiring is always associated with 'push up'.

The puritans in society are always trying to find 'reasons' that they are 'wrong'. So far, I have not seen any real evidence that there is any damage.

I would go to the bra interventionists on Style and Beauty.

My DTDs would not go anywhere near the M&S bra department after their first experience. Confused

TooHasty · 11/01/2015 17:39

sorry got distracted by stupid kittens!

goodasitgets · 11/01/2015 17:45

Toohasty - those measurements would suggest a 28D which aren't always readily available

StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 17:47

Toohasty, can I ask where/what bras you were trying? There is no way a 28 underbust should need a 34 - some teens/very slender people do need one band up from measured if they don't have much, erm, padding over their ribs, but at the most she should have needed a 30.

However, there are some retailers with very poor sizing!

Original poster
CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 17:54

Toohasty When I was a bit slimmer I was a 28F, Bravissimo is brilliant for larger sizes esp with a small back.

www.bravissimo.com/ they have a few shops too.

Unfortunately I can not take DD there as they only do D cups + and she is an A or B.

OP posts:
Cabbagesaregreen · 11/01/2015 18:00

We went to house of Frazier to see if dd needed to start wearing a bra. The fitter wasn't there but the assistant looked at dd's chest and said she doesn't need them yet. We both thanked her, walked past the queue of men a nd women and left the shop. No crisis needed.

bbcessex · 11/01/2015 18:02

YADNBU - poor girl. You didn't ask for advice; you simply told the general fitting room assistant how many items you had to gain access to the cubicle. She shouldn't have interfered full stop, let alone when she realised you had a teen with you. And so what if it WAS the junior range for you - I'd pretty much fit into the junior range myself!

My DD is very private and would have been mortified too.

TheFecklessFairy · 11/01/2015 18:11

Your DD will come up against much worse than this as she grows up. I suggest you teach her to shrug.

I don't think complaining is either justified, nor will it get you anywhere. A helpful Assistant? The very thought.

Smurfingreat · 11/01/2015 18:19

YADNBU. I used to be a bra fitter for an independent shop and looked after many teenage girls who had had unpleasant experiences in M&S. The assistant should not have had that discussion with you in front of other people and definitely not if there were men sitting around waiting.

To those who say teenage girls shouldn't be embarrassed about their bodies, no they shouldn't be, but many are and experiences like this will not help. Their bodies are changing and new to them, give them some time to get used to it! If teenagers are treated with sensitivity and tact most will come to realise there is nothing to be embarrassed about and will become far more confident in their own bodies.

The advice about under wiring is also wrong. If a teen is a larger cup size and needs the support there is no reason she can't wear underwires as long as they are frequently checked to make sure they are still sitting on the chest wall not the breast tissue. Another tip for buying teen bras is that normally you should buy a bra that fits on the loosest hook, so that as they stretch you can move onto the inner hooks. With growing teens it is the other way around, you should buy one that fits on the tightest, so that as they grow you can use the looser hooks and it will fit for longer.

Unfortunately for the ladies who work in M&S their training is completely inadequate to deal with the comprehensive range of sizes, shapes and ages womens bodies come in. There is a lot more to bra fitting than a tape measure and a rule book.

FightOrFlight · 11/01/2015 18:22

"We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant"

"She took the bra's that we wanted to try on away from me."

So, which was it OP?

Picturesinthefirelight · 11/01/2015 18:30

I'm torn.

M&S are rubbish at fitting but I did take dd there last summer when she was desperate - she was due to go away on a weeks residential, her 28Bs were feeling small & uncomfortable, I measured her at home and she measured 28C.

There was no time to order online & I don't live near John Lewis. The soft underwire were the ONLY 28C M&S had in their whole range.

However I was never happy with them & was concerned about the wires on her developing breasts so I csm understand the assistants warning especially as it's so easy as girls are growing to miss the fact they are now not fitting right.

When she got back from the residential we took a day trip to John Lewis.

AnguaResurgam · 11/01/2015 18:31

OP: I'm confused and hoping you will clarify.

Was the assistant a) a trained bra assistant? Or b) the assistant who happened to be on duty?

Was the changing room a) a specific one for an underwear department? Or b) the general one?

(I know what I think the answers are, but there are lots of posts making different assumptions, so am getting confused).