to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

[CalicoBlue]

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

To be fair the shop assistant will have zero control over M&S producing under wired bras for juniors.

She can however, give the advice that they are not good for developing breasts. Giving bra advice being her job and everything.

YANBU. You didn't ask for bra fitting advice (thank god!) and wires are fine for teenagers and all through pregnancy providing they fit well (now if m&s could sort this...)

YABU. I don't know why you're so 'furious'.

RockinHippy I am no longer in possession of a 13 year old DD, as she continued to grow up and is now 19. However, I always find her and her friends more open and relaxed about body issues then I was at their age.

Tbf to the OP's daughter, I think I would have been embarrassed at that age if a stranger was talking about my breasts and my choice of bra. I don't think her reaction was odd at all.

"Why would a 13 year old need an underwired bra?"

To support her breasts, of course! It's about size, of breasts, not age.

I think she was probably trying to do the right thing by giving you advice on what type of bra to buy for a 13 year old, to save you buying something innappropriate. (I don't know whether her advice is correct or not by the way) But she should have been much more discreet, and been attuned tot he fact that a teenager trying on bras is likely to be easily embarrassed.
I tend to work on the principle that if I want advcie I'll ask for it, if not, leave me alone.

But M and S do tend to be quite shit in my experience when it comes to bras. I was trying on some post surgery bras (for people who have had a mastectomy) and the assistant yanked open the curtain revealing me to all the folk in the corridor go ing into the cubicles. If I'd wanted the world and its dog to see my monoboob, I'd have been walking round the shop topless.
I did complain and received an apology.

Sorry your DD was embarrassed - maybe you could send for some M and S bras online for her to try at home and take back the ones that don't fit to the store.

My DD was an D cup at 13, she's just turned 14 and is now an E. I'ts very hard to find a non-wired bra in her size.

I buy my 13 year old underwired bras she needs the support,I was a 34DD at 13 I wouldn't have worn a non wired bra.

It must have been embarrassing for your daughter so I understand why you are both upset.

On the other hand the assistant was giving valid advice not just saying that, for example, lacy bras can be itchy. Would you rather your daughter risked damage to her breasts due to the fact you (presumably) did not know about this?

YANBU to write and ask for assistants to be more tactful in their approach.

YABU to be annoyed at being given practical and helpful advice.

Your daughter will be far more embarrassed (and for far longer) if she develops misshaped breasts due to badly fitting underwired bras.

Because some people find wired more comfortable? And it's possible for a 13 year old to be big enough to want more support from an underwire.

I miss my underwired bras. Haven't found any underwired nursing bras in my size (28G) and the non-wired ones aren't supportive enough as far as I'm concerned. Might be ok for others, but not for me.

third party boobs

????????

My dd1 was a 30 f at 12. Had numerous advice from jl and m and s that she shouldn't wear underwires. The only non wired bras they sold were mono boob sports or maternity.

I think there are greater issues here than the shop assistant (or maybe bra fitter) giving advice about suitability of bras. A 13 year old should not be embarrassed about buying bras. You should get her measured somewhere that offers a proper bra measuring service and you should talk to her about bra shopping not being embarrassing.

Why does the junior range come with underwired bras if the assistant will advice against buying it?

PS - Try New Look in future - DD much prefers their styling & the ones we have bought so far have been better quality & a truer fit than the Angel range too

If I had asked for advice, then fair enough.

I did not ask for any advice, I just said I had five items to take in. When she started telling me about the wiring I said that we were happy with our choice, that should have told her that her advice was not welcome and to shut up.

There were a couple of men sitting on the chairs waiting and others in the line. I was not embarrassed, it was my 13 year old daughter who was and I understand that completely.

The angel range at M&S only seems to have one non wired style and all the rest wired.

The age limit seems to make no sense, teenagers come in all sizes.

Unsolicited advice is annoying.

Underwire is personal choice some people do prefer it even if they are 13

Aren't the M and S angel bras with soft underwires? Those are the ones I always bought my eldest DD (although I fitted her myself as they were awful at it!). She was a D cup at 13 so those soft bras weren't enough.

A 13 year old should not be embarrassed about buying bras.

Oh FFS.

This has nothing to do with how good the advice was. It is about advice that was given and not asked for and a young teen feeling embarrassed that her choice of bras to try on was discussed with other people able to hear.

YANBU. You didn't ask for advice.

The assistant could have said "let me know if you need any assistant or advice, it is my area of expertise".

Have you measured home at home the MN way (without adding inches underbust)
If you give an idea of size you could buy online

assistance, not assistant

In addition to what I wrote earlier: I would have been embarrassed at 13 too but mainly because my mum wasn't open about discussing bodies etc and made them into an almost taboo subject. Now as an adult I take being measured and buying bras as the same as having feet measured and buying shoes (nothing to be embarrassed about). Hopefully I can pass my new non-ebarassment into my children and make them comfortable buying anything for any body part.

inthedark it is the nature of 12/13/14 year old girls to be embarrassed by EVERYTHING - talking will nit help that, it is just a raging hormones, brain wiring & thankfully for most just a phase they go through- talking does not help, quite the opposite