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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

226 replies

CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 16:41

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

OP posts:
Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 11/01/2015 19:28

Some people just love drama!!!!!

OP- Move on, no-one died!!

A bit of perspective please.

slithytove · 11/01/2015 19:30

YANBU.

I would complain and tell them they lost £x in sales that day and in the future.

I also wouldnt go back, but not from teenage embarassedness, because they don't deserve your business. I'd explain that to dd. I'd also reiterate (probably completely pointlessly) that bras and boobs are nothing to be embarrassed about. Mum arguing might be though Wink

Try JL, debenhams, h and m, online, bravissimo depending on size.

At 13 I was in a 34 c (old measures). More like a 30e or f with hindsight now I know how to measure correctly. Underwire was a necessity and is fine as long as the bra fits well.

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 11/01/2015 19:35

I hardly think madams comment amounts to flapping her baps about. I think she has a point about making teenage girls feel proud of their bodies instead of embarrased. Maybe OP couldn't have prevented her 13 year old from feeling embarrased (as posters gave pointed out to me, embarrassment I normal for this safe group) but she could have treated it as no different than a shop assistant in a shoe shop Giving advice about trying on suitable shoes (even if not asked for advice). OP bring appalled and enraged won't help her daughter to overcome her bra shopping embarrassment.
I think OP needs to take her dd to a specialist bra shop and get a proper fitting.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 11/01/2015 19:50

Unfortunately I can not take DD there as they only do D cups + and she is an A or B.

Have you measured DD? Its just that an A cup is only 1" difference between over and under, and I find it very odd that a bra in that size would have an underside?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 11/01/2015 19:51

underside underwire

SaucyJack · 11/01/2015 20:16

YABU. I totally get that for a teenager someone talking about breasts in public (or as public as Marks' lingerie department gets) was probably akin to walking in school assembly naked, but you are not a teenager. There's nothing for you to get upset about.

Madamecastafiore · 11/01/2015 20:22

It's Madame actually.

I don't have baps, I have breasts.

I don't flap them about either??

As a woman and a mother you shoud teach your child to be appropriately private about her body but proud of it also. I feel that you are failing hugely as both a woman and a mother if you feel her reaction was appropriate and not one of a little drama queen and that having breasts is something to be embarrassed about.

Original poster
CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 20:28

ItsAllGoingToBeFine I have not measured DD. Over the years I have found that measuring has very little to do with actual bra fitting. For her first bra we tried a variety of bras on ranging from 28AA to 30B and went with what fitted best. Different styles can also require different sizes. My bra size has changed a lot over the years and the best fittings I have had have never involved a tape measure.

I accept that I may have overreacted, I don't like being told what to do. So some pushy sales assistant who thinks she knows better than I do about what is right for my daughter is going to piss me off. Which is why I asked if I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 11/01/2015 20:44

The person to be annoyed with is your daughter for acting in such a rude way. Have you even told her that it's not acceptable to just 'walk off' like that?

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 11/01/2015 20:46

A proper bra fitting service don't just measure with a tape measure as proper bra fitters understand that bra sizes differ slightly across different makes. A good bra fitting service measure with a tape measure to provide a basic guide and then get you to try different bras and check the fit and comfort level (a bit like a proper shoe fitting service). IMO a bra fitting is a good thing to do for teenagers who might not be sure how snugly a bra should actually be. What a teenager thinks is a good fit might actually be too slack to provide decent support. I went through my teenage years wearing a 34b as my mum decided from having me try different bras on that 34b was the best fit for me. When I reached adulthood and had a proper bra fitting I discovered that I was actually a 30d (or 32d) depending on the brand and design. 30d felt very tight at first but I soon realised that it did indeed fit and look better than a 34b.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 11/01/2015 20:49

For her first bra we tried a variety of bras on ranging from 28AA to 30B and went with what fitted best

As long as you are aware that an A cup means literally no breasts at all, and always fit the band before you fit the cup.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 11/01/2015 20:50

Sorry AA cup = no breasts at all as over and underbust measure the same.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 11/01/2015 20:51

The person to be annoyed with is your daughter for acting in such a rude way. Have you even told her that it's not acceptable to just 'walk off' like that?

Is it rude to walk of when someone is giving you unsolicited advice about something you find embarrassing ?

Original poster
CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 21:05

The person to be annoyed with is your daughter for acting in such a rude way. Have you even told her that it's not acceptable to just 'walk off' like that?

Who was she being rude to? She removed herself from a situation that was upsetting her.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 11/01/2015 21:14

I think it's all a storm in a b cup to be honest

scaevola · 11/01/2015 21:16

"(or as public as Marks' lingerie department gets)"

Was the changing room sited in the underwear department, it was it one generally for the whole shop? OP has said the exchanges took place in the way in, and in front of both sexes, which suggested to men that it might not be in the lingerie department at all, and possibly open to the whole shop floor.

And, as out interventionists have pointed out, a properly fitted wired bra causes no harm whatsoever (regardless of age if wear). M&S needs to up its game enormously, stop dishing out inaccurate advice about underwires, and improve its bra-fitting service in general.

Branleuse · 11/01/2015 21:20

i hope you dont write and complain about the shop assistant. Its not really her fault that your dd was embarrassed about bra advice from a bra salesperson in a lingerie dept. 13year olds get embarrassed at the drop of a hat about anything

PekeandPollicle · 11/01/2015 21:23

An I right that your daughter walked off when she didn't have anything to try on anyway, as the assistant had refused to allow her to try the bras she liked on?

M&s are terrible though. If you can afford it, get a selection from figleaves and send back any that don't fit. Bit of hassle but probably much better for a sensitive teenager!

Gintonic · 11/01/2015 21:24

YABU, she was thinking of your daughter's health. She didn't actually ban you from trying them on did she?

PekeandPollicle · 11/01/2015 21:27

She did take the bras off the op and say she couldn't try them so she effectively banned her I think.

wanttosqueezeyou · 11/01/2015 21:28

YANBU.

Who decided that 13 year olds shouldn't have underwired bras???

M&S? NICE?

You didn't ask for advice, she should have offered to come over if you needed help then left well alone.

I don't blame your daughter for walking away. How is that rude InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream? I do it all the time to those people trying to sell me credit cards/energy suppliers/other unsolicited info.

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 21:29

to me it depends on the size, at 13 i was a 28D and needed underwiring, she may have been trying to help but if your DD is of a reasonable size then i think she was being quite rude.

i agree with other posts that M&S are not good for bras, there bra fitting service was awful, i only went once and will never go again!

Original poster
CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 21:36

PekeandPollicle She took the bras and said we needed to go back and get non underwired bras. MY DD just said "it ok come on Mum" She was too embarrassed to go and get any others to try on and I did not see why she could not try on the ones we had chosen. So we left the store.

OP posts:
kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 21:40

that is actually ridiculous, if i were you i would have asked to see a manager there and then, did you take note of the assistants name?

DixieNormas · 11/01/2015 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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