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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask who pays for bridesmaids dresses?

154 replies

jemima1988 · 11/01/2015 12:15

I'm just watching a TV show about weddings

the bride is expecting the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses?!? I was under the impression this was included in the cost of the wedding?

am i wrong?

OP posts:
Leviticus · 11/01/2015 12:18

No YANBU. It is rude beyond belief to charge your bridesmaids for their outfits.

You want bridesmaids? You want them to look a certain way? Get your wallet out.

ThePriceOfMagic · 11/01/2015 12:19

I paid for my bridesmaids outfits - dress, shrug and bag.

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking them to pay. I think doing so is a bit tacky TBH.

SavoyCabbage · 11/01/2015 12:19

It seems to be more of a thing in America.

Original poster
jemima1988 · 11/01/2015 12:19

I thought so, if you want them to pay I think they should have a very big say in what they're wearing!

OP posts:
LooksLikeImStuckHere · 11/01/2015 12:20

Bridesmaids should never have to pay for their dresses.

MuttonCadet · 11/01/2015 12:20

I definitely think the bride should be paying, but it's polite to offer to pay if you are a bridesmaid (and you can influence the choice more).

MissHJ · 11/01/2015 12:22

I have never been a bridesmaid but I know someone who could not afford bridesmaid dresses so she chose not to have any. 2 of her best friends and her 2 sisters said they would pay for their dresses just so they can be part of her special day so sometimes the bridesmaids are happy enough to pay for their dresses

paperlace · 11/01/2015 12:22

The bride. Always. Bloody cheek otherwise.

angelopal · 11/01/2015 12:24

The bride should pay. I paid for dresses, hair and makeup. They did buy their own shoes but were happy to do that.

Dazedconfused · 11/01/2015 12:26

I paid for everything for bridesmaids would not have dreamed of charging them so that included nails etc. One of my bridesmaids hurt her ankle about 3 weeks before the wedding so got slightly different shoes with a smaller heel (the shoes I bought were simple black court shoes) I volunteered to pay for them too but she did not let me as said she would be able to use both shoes lots in future so not to worry.
I would add nothing was ridiculously expensive (dresses £120 shoes £35 etc) but still my responsibility to pay I felt...If I felt was prohibitively expensive I would have had fewer bridesmaids

Nomama · 11/01/2015 12:26

Oh! Traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their own.

That's why you ask if they want to be involved and they are supposed to have the final say in what they wear. Their being there dressed and ready to go is their present/duty fulfilled.

These days, as all brides seem to be utter control freaks and dictate what is worn, I suppose she should also pay for them.

Mine bought their own. They chose them, I didn't see them until the day, I just knew that they lived them and that they fit with my dress and colour scheme. Had we lived within 300 miles of each other I might have been more involved...

skylark2 · 11/01/2015 12:27

My bridesmaid (singular) paid for her own dress.

She also chose it. I had a veto if it was awful, but she specifically wanted one which she could have altered afterwards to wear for smart parties.

We share similar tastes and get on well (after all, I wanted her to be my bridesmaid) so I never had any qualms and I loved the one she wanted anyway.

blacktreaclecat · 11/01/2015 12:27

I chose my BM dresses and paid got them. I have a friend who let her BMs choose their own to a colour scheme and they paid for their own.
So to me it depends on who chooses it.

Bumbiscuits · 11/01/2015 12:27

I paid for my BM's dress and jewellery. She insisted on buying her own shoes. On the morning of the wedding she also paid, despite my protests, for the hairdressers who did our hair and both the mothers. I would have happily paid for hair and shoes.

NotYouNaanBread · 11/01/2015 12:28

In America the bridesmaid pays. This enables ridiculous numbers of bridesmaids to be appointed, depending on the sense of self importance of the bride.

In Europe , the bride pays, which helps to keep vanity in check a little!

Oldraver · 11/01/2015 12:29

The Bride should pay for them, anything else is ban manners unless there are extenuating circumstances

Chattymummyhere · 11/01/2015 12:29

I was only going to had DD as bridesmaid I couldn't afford more but my friend has never been one before and wanted to be so she paid for her dress I just said any shade of red, we went in ebay and she brought one for £45 if I remember correctly. I provided her flowers and shoes.

HeyheyheyGoodbye · 11/01/2015 12:30

In the States the bmaids pay, but over here the bride does. I did, anyway!

ImCatbug · 11/01/2015 12:30

I'm in the minority here I think, but I didn't pay for my bridesmaids dresses.
HOWEVER, I had no theme or colour so told them to wear whatever they wanted, so I wasn't making them buy a dress at all. A couple of them wore dresses they already owned and loved, which was perfect!
I had a wedding on a small budget, I didn't want to spend loads on dresses for other people that they would only wear once and might not even feel comfortable in.

flowery · 11/01/2015 12:32

I didn't have any bridesmaids because I was on a very tight budget. Absolutely wouldn't have occurred to me to expect them to fork out for my wedding.

You cut your cloth imo, not rely on others to subsidise the wedding you want.

expatinscotland · 11/01/2015 12:32

In the UK, the bride.

Twunk · 11/01/2015 12:33

I had one bridesmaid - I paid for everything except her shoes I think. I was her bridesmaid in return and I wanted a jacket made as I don't like my arms - she got me the fabric and I paid to have it made.

CluelessDil · 11/01/2015 12:34

Polite to offer? I've been a bridesmaid a few times and haven't even thought of offering Blush I have paid for shoes before in a circumstance where the bride wasn't bothered about footwear and matching etc

Personally I think if someone else is dictating what you are wearing it's only right to pay. It costs a fortune to be a bridesmaid even if your outfit is being bought. I added it up one day... Scary!

For my wedding I paid for bridesmaid dress, shoes, bag, earrings, hair, makeup, nails and (very light!) spray tan but this was my choice and it made up part of their present.

I'd always recommend finding out what everyone's expectations are early. There isn't really a 'normal' anymore and not knowing can cause unnecessary stress.

So glad I'll only ever be a guest from now on!

MissDuke · 11/01/2015 12:34

I paid for mine, and we all chose them together to make sure we got something that suited them. It wouldn't have been fair to make them pay for something they will never wear again!

Lovecat · 11/01/2015 12:35

I bought my bridesmaids their dresses but with the exception of my then-student sister, the others insisted on paying me back for them - I didn't expect that at all and would have been happy to pay, but they were not 'bridesmaid' style dresses, and I think (?) they wanted to wear them again so decided individually that they were going to give me the money.

I did insist back on paying for their shoes which were dyed to match the dresses, as I knew they'd get very little wear out of teal high heels otherwise!