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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask who pays for bridesmaids dresses?

154 replies

jemima1988 · 11/01/2015 12:15

I'm just watching a TV show about weddings

the bride is expecting the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses?!? I was under the impression this was included in the cost of the wedding?

am i wrong?

OP posts:

OriginalGreenGiant · 11/01/2015 22:04

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, bags, jewellery and hair.

They bought their own shoes (I did ask if they could all wear silver but they didn't have to match...so I didn't feel this was cheeky as they bought a style they liked and could wear again) and paid for their make-up. One of my BM chose to have her makeup done and the other two did their own.

I think it's really rude to ask the bridal party to buy their own clothes, unless they have complete choice.

fatlazymummy · 11/01/2015 23:39

I've always considered it tradition in the UK for the bride/groom/parents to pay for the bridesmaids dresses. I never heard of bridesmaids having to pay until I saw it on American tv. Does that also mean the best man and ushers have to pay for their outfits as well?

senna123 · 12/01/2015 00:14

My bridesmaids are buying their dresses and I am buying everything else. I would love to be able to buy everyone everything but unfortunately this isn't the case.

They are perfectly happy with this.

FaithLoveandGrace · 12/01/2015 00:18

I'm paying for my bridesmaids - or rather my parents are but only because they insisted. They've also had a lot of say on what they wear as at the end of the day they're the ones that have to wear it and feel comfortable in it :)

Tobyjugg · 12/01/2015 00:24

The father of the bride. I speak from bloody expensive experience.

Lovecat · 12/01/2015 00:37

Bullshit back at ya, Vinc. Quite apart from why the fuck would I bother to lie to randoms on the internet about something so trivial, my bridesmaids apart from my sister (who I did pay for) were my best friend and my SIL to be, and they both said they wouldn't hear of me paying for the dresses.

Possibly because they liked the dresses, possibly because - shock horror - they liked me/DH and wanted to help out with costs. This was 24 years ago, mind you, and weddings were definitely less of a money pit than they seem to be nowadays.

Darkandstormynight · 12/01/2015 00:43

It IS a thing here in the States. One even requested we Sew our own plus buy the material. And a shoes and accessories.

Darkandstormynight · 12/01/2015 00:54

I would have absolutely loved it if the bride paid! All the ones I bought were hideous too, which the bride sweetens it with you can wear it again...err No!

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 12/01/2015 03:03

I've only been a bridesmaid once. The bride paid for the dress, which was totally not my style/colour. I did get to keep it afterwards but never wore it again.

This was many years ago, and I expect now that I wouldn't have kept the dress but the bride would have had it back and could sell it on eBay.

I didn't have any bridesmaids when I got married, but if I had had, I would not have expected them to pay for a dress unless they chose it themselves.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 12/01/2015 03:41

I didn't have any official bridesmaids, but all my nieces wanted to be one.

Talked it over with my siblings and said that I don't want any bridesmaids but if the girls wanted to be then to make them happy then they could be.

None of the dresses matched, but I couldn't say no. Tbh in the grand scheme of life then the wedding day isn't that important the marriage is.

papaver · 16/01/2015 17:12

I went to a wedding years ago where the bride expected the bridesmaid to pay for the dress which was a bertex type dress chosen by the bride. The bride's family were very well off, the bridesmaid was on a low income working as a nanny and said that she could not afford to pay for the dress and the travel involved to come to the fittings. In the end the bride's family bought the dress but made a big deal about her changing out of it at the reception in case it was damaged and it would affect it's resale value. The bridesmaid was supposed to be one of her oldest and closest friends and was understandably upset by the way they behaved.

Lucyccfc · 16/01/2015 18:45

My sister's were both bridesmaids at my wedding and I would never have asked them to pay for their dresses.

We all went shopping together, as it was very important that they liked and were comfortable with their dress. One of my sisters is short, with an hour glass figure and great boobs. The other sister is nearly 6ft, size 10 and no boobs. They had to both be involved in dress choosing, so they were both happy with the style. I did want the dresses to be pale blue to match our theme.

In the end, my Dad paid for them without telling me, which was lovely. So I bought their wraps, necklace and earrings. They looked amazing.

DixieNormas · 16/01/2015 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

riverboat1 · 16/01/2015 18:55

I think it should be:

Bridesmaid pays if the bride is happy for her to buy whatever she wants or use an existing dress

Bride pays if she wants a specific dress or is specifying a style/colour that isn't something the bridesmaid would ever choose or wear again.

TheBooMonster · 16/01/2015 18:58

I had just one bridesmaid, I was going to pay for the dress hire and she came with me when I picked my dress, she picked her dress, her choice dictated the colour scheme for the wedding (the dresses were one of the first things we sorted) my only rule was preferably not red, defiantly not burgundy. In the end she went for a blue dress, so our theme was Ivory, blue and Silver. A member of DH's family insisted on buying the dresses for us in the end, but I'd never have expected my bridesmaid to pay for her dress.

londonrach · 16/01/2015 18:58

Bride. Next question?

Saki5000 · 16/01/2015 19:01

I think that the person who chooses the dress should pay for it.

frumpet · 16/01/2015 19:01

I had two bridesmaids , my daughter and my best friend , paid for them both , thought that was the norm ?

morethanpotatoprints · 16/01/2015 19:04

My bridesmaid and page boys outfits were paid for by their parents, we were skint and they didn't mind paying.
It was discussed though and not presumed and they were brothers and sister of dh (half) and my nephews.
My wedding dress was only hired for the weekend as well to put into perspective.

BestIsWest · 16/01/2015 19:08

The Bride pays in the UK. However, DD has been bridesmaid 3 times and I always offered to pay. Two out of three brides took up my offer.

I paid for my bridesmaids.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 16/01/2015 19:22

Does that also mean the best man and ushers have to pay for their outfits as well?

Yes, this is true in the US, but these are usually rented.

I have indeed paid for several ugly as crap unflattering dresses to be in other people's weddings, including one that I had to sew myself.

When I got married, my mother paid for the bridesmaids' dresses because she was over the moon that I was getting married at my advanced age fell in love with a particular dress that I liked too, but that was a bit pricey. I did not have 10 bridesmaids, however.

ThereMustAndShallBeTea · 16/01/2015 19:24

I had to pay for my own bm dress once, £150 plus another £40 for the shoes. Wore dress once, they were made for us so hard to sell - got £6 for it on ebay. Wore the shoes for about 30 minutes, they didn't fit and were agony so kicked them off in the church then never saw them again. Also paid for hen weekend away. Bride did not invite my then boyfriend. I was a full-time student with no income.

This was about 15 years ago and HELL YES I'm still bitter

FlyorNot · 16/01/2015 19:28

I paid for my dress when best friend got married. She chose the color and shop. After the wedding the bride packed it up with her stuff and kept it! She ignored any questions about getting it back. I even gave them a wedding ring as a gift as they were hard up. They saw me coming! One of the many reasons she is now ex-best friend.

AnnoyingOrange · 16/01/2015 19:29

The bride should pay in the UK

vienna1981 · 16/01/2015 19:50

At my brother's wedding many years ago, the bridesmaid dresses were paid for by the bride's father. The best man, ushers etc. had to pay for their own penguin suit hire. Very unfair. Never again !

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