AIBU to ask who pays for bridesmaids dresses?

[jemima1988]

I'm just watching a TV show about weddings

the bride is expecting the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses?!? I was under the impression this was included in the cost of the wedding?

am i wrong?

Superfly - that is almost what I said (bar the specifying jewellery, as not everyone likes or wears jewellery):

"the idea of a present to the bridesmaids etc was to thank them for participating in the wedding"

I paid but explained to the bridesmaids beforehand that I had a budget so that if they all wanted a dress that came way over, they'd either have to pick something else or pay the difference (we'd no theme or colour scheme, it was going to be determined by the dresses)...I think that was fair but maybe not?!

Mine paid for theirs but I got married in a country where it's tradition for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. But they picked their own dresses (in fact they ended up changing my preferred colour scheme for the whole wedding as they didn't pick within my already very broad colour scheme!). I paid for hair pieces (which were matching), coats (ditto), makeup and hair on the day.

I suspect it depends on how much spare cash your bridesmaids have - had I had one who was skint I would have paid, but all were earning good money and were happy to contribute.

Conversely, I've been a bridesmaid 11 times (!) and have had to buy a selection of hideous, expensive dresses not at all to my taste - I must admit it gets less palatable to pay for something when you absolutely hate it.

I paid for dresses, wraps, hair and hair ornaments.

They bought their own shoes as requested. I had my makeup done by a friend (Pro-MAU) I said I couldn't afford to pay for both, but if they wanted it done would be mates rates. One did, one didn't.

As I asked them to stay in the hotel the night before I paid for their rooms. I also planned to pay for dinner for them but my dad beat me to it!

When I got married I paid for my bridesmaids dress, jewellery, hair and make-up.

When I was a bridesmaid for someone (who is actually extremely wealthy) I had to pay for my own dress and shoes and I didn't get my hair and make-up done professionally as she wanted her to be the only one having it done

I was bridesmaid this year and I bought my own shoes (navy pumps which I've had loads of wear out of) and paid for my own hair. Bride bought dress and jewellery and paid for our accommodation x

Bride pays. Always. It is appallingly rude, gauche and breathtakingly hideous to ask someone to be your bridesmaid and then expect them to fork out their own money to make your big day look better!

Oh, and every time I read "I wanted to pay but my bridesmaids absolutely insisted " I'm afraid I call bullshit. Absolute bullshit. No bridesmaid in the history of the world has insisted on paying to be part of the bridal party but if it makes you feel better to tell the lie to complete strangers then fill your boots

Bride pays. Always. It is appallingly rude, gauche and breathtakingly hideous to ask someone to be your bridesmaid and then expect them to fork out their own money to make your big day look better

Well, that told me then! Judgmental?? Really??

Or is this another of those MN wormholes I keep falling into?

The bride should pay, without a doubt.

It might be acceptable to have the bridesmaids pay for their own, or wear something they already own if the wedding is being done on a shoestring and the bride is happy to let them wear whatever they want, but otherwise it's just pain wrong.

The brides family should pay for the bridesmaids dresses.

I've never heard of a bridesmaid paying for her own dress, it does sound very cheap. I've been bridesmaid a few times have certainly never worn any of the dresses again as they're so obviously bridesmaidy.

I've wondered how Americans afford to have 7 or 8 bridesmaids but if each woman pays for her own dress that explains it a bit.

Well, nomama, since I was answering a question asked by the OP, and not directing my comments to you then I fail to see how you accuse me of judging you and having "told" you.

Ironically though, since I've scanned the responses and can see that you so graciously allowed your bridesmaids the honour of paying for their own dresses (let me guess - they begged you to let them pay, didn't they!) then actually, my previous comments do apply nicely to you too

'I paid but explained to the bridesmaids beforehand that I had a budget so that if they all wanted a dress that came way over, they'd either have to pick something else or pay the difference (we'd no theme or colour scheme, it was going to be determined by the dresses)...I think that was fair but maybe not?!'

Definitely fair.

Bride pays for dresses, shoes, hair appointments etc...and buys a thank you gift like a piece of jewellery if the bridesmaid has helped in anyway with organisaing the day or hen do etc. Unless cash is very tight, in which case the bridesmaids totally get a free choice of what they wear (no colour theme guidance even). It's also ok to say "my budget is x, so if you like a dress/shoes etc that costs more, then I can't exceed my budget but I can put it towards getting the thing you like with you paying the difference".

I paid for my bridesmaids dress, and her daughters (my flower girl)
I do think though that if the bride pays they should be given the dresses back afterwards to sell on if they choose, I didn't get mine back, my bridesmaid sold them and pocketed the cash

I gave mine £100 towards theirs each and said they can wear whatever style dress they want as long as it's black. I only spent 500 on my own as I was on a tight budget, in the end after squabbling and saying I should be paying for a salon for everyone even though I was doing my own hair, I said no bridesmaids as I couldn't afford the mounting financial demands.

I feel awful about it now, the wedding was 5 months ago and I feel gutted that nobody thought "I'll do my own hair as long as I can be a bridesmaid" weddings get so nuts sometimes, I just wanted to get married to DH with my family there and get ready with my girls and have a laugh, no obligations and no demands from them at all, I just wanted them to be part of it and that was all I could afford.

Yanbu....

I wouldn't expect a bridesmaid to buy her own gear. If you can't afford it. Don't have a bridesmaid or don't get married.

Don't get married

Hahahahahahahahahaaa

Oh dear

LOL

Jesus wept

I think if the bride insists on a particular dress then she should pay- I recently was a bridesmaid and had very little choice other than pay £150 for a dress I didn't really want, couldn't really afford and will never wear again (it is very "bridesmaid-y" but I am going to try and sell it on)

I also had to pay for my own shoes and nails, the bride paid for shrug/cardigan and hair. Looking back I wish if I had known how much it was all going to add up to, when I was asked I would've said yes but I have X budget so can it please be done in that?

I would've been much happier paying if it had been a dress that I had chosen and knew I could wear again, or was a price that I was happy with for a one occasion wear.

Its not bullshit that bridesmaids offer to pay. I am maid of honour for my sister later this year and have paid for my (admittedly very cheap) dress myself and so has my sisters SIL. i will also be paying for the makeup for the bridal party (sister doesnt know that) because i love her and i want her to have a fantastic day. If i can help out with the cost then I will. We would have been paying around £100 each for a dress before we found our bargain basement ones

I paid for my BM's dress (I gave her a choice of four colours, she chose one and the style), shoes, bag, bouquet, jewellery, B&B, make-up and hair. I also gave her a thank-you pressie. In return, she ferried me around to dress fittings etc. and was indispensable on the day, making sure everything ran smoothly and keeping me sane. She couldn't do enough for me. I call that a fair trade!

I was a bridesmaid eight times between the ages of 5 and early 30's and never paid for any of my dresses, the bride always paid. I think its beyond tacky if the bride wants to make demands about what the bridesmaids wear and then not pay.

let me guess - they begged you to let them pay, didn't they!) then actually, my previous comments do apply nicely to you too

Well, vino, as I said, your judgy post was telling me, and everyone else who went down the traditional route, that they were utterly beyond the pale.

And no, no one begged me to let them pay. They, like me and everyone else I knew at that time, took it for granted that, unless there was a specific reason, bridesmaids bought their own dresses. Ushers rented their own tux/suits. Groomsmen hadn't been imported yet!

I love the pronouncements of 'if you can't afford them don't have bridesmaids'. I can only assume they come from brides who didn't have sisters/cousins who would have died a thousand bitter (and extremely loud), slow, deaths had they not been asked to do their duty .

If you don't want to be a bridesmaid, or can't afford the clobber, just tell the bride. Discuss it like adults!

as a couple of people have already said, in the US the bridesmaids have to pay for their outfit and that's totally normal. But I have seen it cause enormous amounts of resentment... esp when the dress is hideous/badly made and still costs a fortune. Worse when there's an expensive hen night or its a 'destination' wedding and they have to pay for hotel/flights etc too. People I meet are surprised that in the UK the bride pays, but generally think that's a much better system!