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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask who pays for bridesmaids dresses?

154 replies

jemima1988 · 11/01/2015 12:15

I'm just watching a TV show about weddings

the bride is expecting the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses?!? I was under the impression this was included in the cost of the wedding?

am i wrong?

OP posts:
GoodGirlGoneWrong · 11/01/2015 12:37

I paid for my bridemaid dresses & alterations, all I asked them to do was buy their own shoes or wear a pair of silver ones they already had. I wanted them all to have a pair they would wear again rather than something they never would. All were happy with this.

I asked them if they wanted to have/hair & make up done all refused (apart from my cousin who I paid for, part of the budget)

I would never of dreamed of asking them to buy their own dresses. Our wedding was done on a serious budget. But was still an amazing day.

I also paid for the hire of the best mans suit.

MinceSpy · 11/01/2015 12:43

There is no hard and fast rule about who pays. If the bride wants to choose the dresses, shoes etc then she should pay. If the wedding is on a budget and the bride is okay giving the bridesmaids choice and the dress could be used then no reason why the bridesmaids can't buy their own outfits. The key is to be honest when you ask the person if they would be a bridesmaid, tell them if you need them to pay.

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 11/01/2015 12:47

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, hair flowers, make-up, hair and shoes. I think as long as everyone is upfront about what is expected either is okay though. I'm now a bridesmaid for my sister & wouldn't mind paying as long as she wasn't insisting on something v expensive or hideous!

PancakesAndMapleSyrup · 11/01/2015 12:49

I paid for their dresses, shoes, flowers, hair and accessories. Make up was theirs to do as i waw doing my own as well. I dont belieive that if you ask people yo be a bridesmaid then tey should be out of pocket in anyway whatso ever.
Thei only had to get themselves to the vemue as we were getting married there. Bloody cheeky to ask them to pay imo.

ApocalypseThen · 11/01/2015 12:52

I think the bride really should pay if they want to decide how it's going to be. The only exception I can imagine is if you ask the bridesmaid to pay for her stuff in lieu of a wedding present.

soverylucky · 11/01/2015 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByTheWishingWell · 11/01/2015 12:53

I think if the bride chooses the outfits, they should be paid for out of the wedding budget. I have been bridesmaid for both of my sisters, and each time they paid for the bridesmaid dresses. They certainly weren't ones we would wear again. The same goes for footwear (I don't own a pair of silver heels, and would never wear them again!) and expensive hairdos.

I just wouldn't ask someone to pay for the privilege of being my bridesmaid- I think if you can't afford new dresses for them, you should either have less bridesmaids or just ask them to wear something they already own.

MrsGSR · 11/01/2015 12:55

Oh! Traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their own.

I thought this. That's why you give presents to the wedding party, to thank them for the expense they've incurred buying dresses/renting suits. Although I only had my young nieces and student sister as bridesmaids so I paid for theirs.

I agree with others that if you choose the dress, you should pay for it.

TheWitTank · 11/01/2015 12:58

My friend expected me to pay £120 for a red long ball gown type dress which I will never wear again, plus my own shoes, and pay for my own hair and make up. This was on top of a hen do weekend away. I paid up as she is normally an absolute star, but it still rankles two years on. Dress is sitting in my wardrobe since untouched. I paid for all my bridesmaids outfits etc. Bloody rude otherwise.

VanitasVanitatum · 11/01/2015 13:05

I'm going to pay for mine but there are six of them (circumstance not vanity!!) so I have been looking at dresses on eBay - ones you order from China as they're cheaper.. Is that bad etiquette too?!

GertyD · 11/01/2015 13:05

The bride should always pay for her bridesmaids. For everything too, even the shoes, hair and jewellery. I agree that expecting someone to look a certain way, to suit your day, then bloody pay for it. I did and wouldn't have dreamt of asking my maids to cough up. I had a small budget, so I just shopped within that.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/01/2015 13:09

The brides of course. If you want a certain style, colour theme, and x amount of bridesmaids, get your wallet out! If not, have less bridesmaids.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/01/2015 13:10

No it certainly is fine vanitas.

FluffyRedSocks · 11/01/2015 13:10

I honestly think it depends on your bridesmaids and your relationship. My 3 bridesmaids are best friends from school, know we are doing it on a hardcore budget, and when I offered to pay for the dresses they said we could come to an agreement to make it work for everyone.

The agreement being they pay for everything, bar Jewlery which will be their gift, but they get to pick it. My only input is colour, so they are picking a blue dress with black shoes. It means they can pick something they will wear again, so don't have to spend £££ if they don't want and they will all match my colour scheme!

Depends on a lot of factors, but assuming bridesmaids will pay is out of order

ASunnyTiger · 11/01/2015 13:11

My daughter is going to be a bridesmaid for my SIL's wedding. We offered to pay for it as we know they don't have much money but they decided to pay for it themselves. Whatever works for the people involved imo.

RobinHumphries · 11/01/2015 13:12

I paid for my bridesmaids dress, hair, make-up and jewellery but not shoes for the adult bridesmaid because her dress was long I said she could wear whatever she liked as they wouldn't be seen and would far rather she wore something comfortable and that she would wear more than once

AmpleRaspberries · 11/01/2015 13:14

I think it should be the bride. I fully intended to pay for my bridesmaids. I had 1 adult and 1child, however my adult bridesmaid told me she wanted to pay for both dresses as her wedding gift to us. I ended up getting the child dress of eBay for £20 and I bought their shoes. I wasn't particular about hair and makeup so we did our own.

Iloveonionchutney · 11/01/2015 13:14

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, flowers, hair and makeup, they used their own jewellery as they had lots of lovely stuff, an I asked them if they wanted to use their own shoes so thy had something comfortable on their feet that they could use again. IMO asking someone to do something for you shouldn't have to cost them and in my case they paid a lot for my hen night out of their own pockets anyway.

m0therofdragons · 11/01/2015 13:14

Oh wow, I paid for my bridesmaids but they paid for shoes which they chose. I hope sil to be follows that - my 3 dds are being bridesmaids this year and I can't afford 3 bridesmaid dresses (i assumed it was in their wedding budget). I'm worried now :(

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 11/01/2015 13:16

The bride should pay. I let mine choose the colour and style and worked around that. Why should they pay for something they will never wear again? All costs of the wedding should be picked up by the couple not the guests.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/01/2015 13:21

We didn't bother with bridesmaids because it seemed silly and vain to have an entourage/assistants.

But if you must, then if you are choosing the dress you pay.

thatsenoughelsa · 11/01/2015 13:23

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses. Why should they be out of pocket because of something I've asked them to do? I chose the little flower girls dress, but did consult her Mum to make sure she liked it before I bought it. The adult bridesmaids chose their own dresess. I just stipulated the colour and asked that they either wear the same dress or similar styles (not one in a short dress, two in full length for example) so it didn't look odd. I also paid for them to have their hair done but they had to do their own make up.

KatieKaye · 11/01/2015 13:25

It is traditional for the bride (or even more traditionally, her family) to pay for the bridesmaid's dresses.

the idea of a present to the bridesmaids etc was to thank them for participating in the wedding, not because they've had to pay to be a part of it. Otherwise it would make for more sense for the bride to pay in the first place and not give a present!

SuperFlyHigh · 11/01/2015 13:30

I was a BM to SIL and she paid for all our dresses and hair ornaments and a matching wrap/pashmina. I paid for shoes etc and my hair/nails but another BM (bride's cousin) did mention a hairdresser etc doing everyone's hair on the day but somehow that was vetoed but i didn't mind paying for myself.

Years ago as BM to American friend I paid for dress, shoes etc and had to source dress from Laura Ashley! Also forked out for flight! Not cheap and I was a bit shocked when I found out I had to pay as uk tradition is different. I paid up though.

SuperFlyHigh · 11/01/2015 13:31

Katiekaye lots of brides also give jewellery (nice) to their BM party on the day as a thank you and a memento. Depending if they're close friends etc