To be utterly pissed off with lazy, selfish DP

[TooManyButtons]

DP has contact with his 3 children every other Sunday, from 12-5. On these days, he'll get up around 10.30, go and pick his kids up, take them to his parents' house, then drop them off and arrive back here at 5.30. He then refuses to do anything, saying he's tired after looking after the kids.

We have ongoing issues over him not pulling his weight around the house - he works Monday-Thursday in a call centre, I work full time 12 hour shifts as a nurse, yet the housework/food shopping/running the house is primarily left to me. He doesn't start work until 10 or 11, yet refuses to get up a bit earlier to empty the dishwasher/walk the dog, instead leaving it all to me.

He has debts left from his marriage, so only contributes £100-200 a month towards bills, so I have the responsibility of managing finances, yet he always has money for beer/e-cig stuff. His divorce was finalised ages ago and the family home sold, but as he's too lazy to speak to his solicitor, his share of the proceeds are sat in a holding account somewhere. This money would be enough for him to clear his debts.

I made him go food shopping this week, for the first time ever, which he did, but only after I'd planned the week's food, and written him a shopping list detailing every single item we needed. And handed over my bank card to pay for it.

I've cried/begged/pleaded for help around the house, but nothing changes. I've done nearly 50 hours at work this week, and my rare weekend off is being spent cleaning and tidying. I'm just so, so exhausted.

[maras2]

What a pig.Just one example of how things should be.When I was nursing,after a long Christmas shift.DH would have looked after kids all day as well as preparing a lovely meal.He probably would have taken the kids to visit, not be fed by, his parents earlier in the day.On getting home after my shift I would soak in a hot bath at my leisure whilst he got on with serving dinner,still looking after the kids so as not to bother me.Then our Christmas would begin.Now that's a real man and one reason that we've been married for 40 years.Ditch this waste of space loser and enjoy the rest of your life.

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

I had one of these, i had the word 'doormat' removed from my forehead and he's now my ex, i couldn't be happier.

[YouTheCat]

Get rid. Life's too short to waste on an arsehole like him. And just think how much happier and less stressed you'll be.

Bag his stuff up today. Get your keys back. Then send him on his merry way.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

This man is ruthlessly and cynically exploiting you. If that doesn't make you angry, so angry to get shot of him, I don't know what will.

Him thinking "helping" you with chores in exchange for sexual favours and/or intimacy rather than making a fair contribution to the housekeeping says it all, really. You are a handy and very cheap domestic appliance to him and nothing more. What woman would be receptive under such circumstances? I can't think of any.

You may not think so, but you have all the power. I would exercise some of it by telling him to sling his hook. This afternoon when he returns from his Mummy's. Send him back from whence he came.

Once you've got this parasite out from under your feet you'll be free to meet someone else. Someone worthy of you. All the time you've got him leaching off you and contributing absolutely nothing to your life you are compromising the possibility of being free to get on with your life. Being single forever would be better than what you've got now. Much better.

[sebsmummy1]

Seriously what has happened in your life to allow this sort of treatment from someone who is meant to be a life partner? Have you a history of low self esteem or abusive relationships?

I could honestly only have put up with this for a few weeks before I would have gone nuclear at him and we would have parted. Start to have some self respect and send him back to his Mothers please.

[xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv]

Get rid

You'd have less housework to do and more money.

[PoppyFleur]

OP - Don't you currently feel lonely in this very one sided relationship? At least with him gone you are able to focus on you & your daughter.

Please tell him that you would like a trial separation, effective immediately, because you feel that you both need space to decide if you want a future together. That gets him out of your house quickly, once he is gone you can tell him it's final.

Please do it soon & set an example to your DD that fantastic ladies such as yourself do not need to accept a second rate relationship with a selfish man child.

[expatinscotland]

Why trial? You don't owe this person a thing. Nothing. No justication at all. He's been sponging off you, he is a loser. Just get rid.

[Limer]

Please get rid of him. If you made a list of pros and cons for keeping this relationship going, the pros column would be blank. The cons column would be so full you'd have to start a second page.

And don't be scared of being single. Being single is normal. And think of how much happier you'll be without his dead weight lounging around the place.

[Icimoi]

If he thinks he does his fair share, how does he work that out? Because on an hour for hour basis clearly he doesn't, and when you factor in that he's also getting incredibly cheap board and lodging it's even more obvious. Is it worth writing out a list of what each of you do around the house this next week and presenting it to him at the end of the week? You could first ask if he agrees that it's accurate, then go on to ask how that indicates he's doing his fair share. He will doubtless go into a massive sulk but it should move things on to a point where he either concedes he needs to do more or ships out.

[3littlefrogs]

I read your Op and immediately thought get rid of him.
Then I thought I had better read the rest of the thread in case there were mitigating circumstances.
There aren't.
Please get rid. Send him back to his mum's.

[RaisingMen]

If your daughter had posted this, what would your advice be?

You won't be alone forever, but I promise you staying in this relationship will be a hell of a lot lonelier than being single for a while. You are wasting time with him when you could be with someone who makes you happy. I have never, ever said LTB before but please kick him out. Today.

[TheyLearnedFromBrian]

Every day you stay shackled to this horrid specimen is another day wasted along the path to meeting and getting to know someone who won't make you feel so horribly lonely, misunderstood and sad when you're supposed to be in a relationship with them.

It's hard, I know. Hard to make the break. But once you're the other side of the hill... boy, does it feel good.

[DPotter]

It's just after 4pm - that an hour and a half to put his stuff in black bags and leave them on the doorstep and then bolt the door. Don't waste your breath anymore - he wont change.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

OK. I will give you a pass if he is phenomenal in bed, looks like Hugh Jackman and showers you with gifts. You still need to LTB but I will understand why you haven't so far.

Please get rid. Enjoy your pets and leave a space so that if there is a nice man out there, you never know...

[Mammanat222]

OP I echo what everyone else says. He is a useless piece of shit but still your reluctance to get rid remains?

The fear of being alone is a powerful one but surely you already feel bloody awful. You mention being angry and resentful..you say you spent Christmas night in bed crying. Come on love - how is being on your own going to be worse than how you feel now.

You have a duty to your dd to set her a positive example. Start by getting this man out of your house.

[lurkingaround]

You must be feeling so desperate.

But unfortunately all the posters above are right. He has a marvellous contract - food, lodgings, a cleaner, sex and money. Woohoo. Happy days for him.

Only you know, but from reading your posts I think there is only one solution that will benefit you. LTB. I guarantee you, you will be far less lonely when you have left him and are alone.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I would leave him, he sounds lazy, and a good for nothing cocklodger. You have no ties, break free.

[Fabulous46]

Send him back to his mothers with a tag round his neck saying "Return to breeder". He's a useless piece of shit.

[ToSeaInaSieve]

:o or "Please look after this wankbadger"

(went to see Paddington yesterday)

[Fluffycloudland77]

Why on earth wouldnt you kick him out?.

You're acting like his mum. Eeeewwww.

[Fabulous46]

or "Please look after this wankbadger"

[Ragwort]

You haven't answered the question that nearly everyone is asking you, why on earth are you staying with this waste of space? Of course he's not going to change, and what sort of example are you showing your DD by living with someone like this?

As someone said earlier in the thread, you must have incredibly low standards to put up with this, please, put your DD first in your life (if you can't put yourself first ) and get rid of this idiot.

Surely being single is a hundred times better that the life you are now living?

[Wormatthebottomofthegarden]

Life is too short for this OP get rid.

He won't change because he has an easy life. What a prick.