To be utterly pissed off with lazy, selfish DP

[TooManyButtons]

DP has contact with his 3 children every other Sunday, from 12-5. On these days, he'll get up around 10.30, go and pick his kids up, take them to his parents' house, then drop them off and arrive back here at 5.30. He then refuses to do anything, saying he's tired after looking after the kids.

We have ongoing issues over him not pulling his weight around the house - he works Monday-Thursday in a call centre, I work full time 12 hour shifts as a nurse, yet the housework/food shopping/running the house is primarily left to me. He doesn't start work until 10 or 11, yet refuses to get up a bit earlier to empty the dishwasher/walk the dog, instead leaving it all to me.

He has debts left from his marriage, so only contributes £100-200 a month towards bills, so I have the responsibility of managing finances, yet he always has money for beer/e-cig stuff. His divorce was finalised ages ago and the family home sold, but as he's too lazy to speak to his solicitor, his share of the proceeds are sat in a holding account somewhere. This money would be enough for him to clear his debts.

I made him go food shopping this week, for the first time ever, which he did, but only after I'd planned the week's food, and written him a shopping list detailing every single item we needed. And handed over my bank card to pay for it.

I've cried/begged/pleaded for help around the house, but nothing changes. I've done nearly 50 hours at work this week, and my rare weekend off is being spent cleaning and tidying. I'm just so, so exhausted.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Your house?

Kick him the fuck out to his parents house. Life will be a lot easier if he wasnt around, you wouldnt have to clean up after him for a start.

[ByTheWishingWell]

I don't think it's a case of him being 'too lazy' to contact the solicitor. As it is, he keeps the big chunk of money and you bankroll him. He knows that if he used the money to pay off his debts then he'd have to use his income to start contributing fairly to the household.

It sounds like he's got a great deal out of it- big chunk of money squirrelled away, you funding and cooking/shopping/cleaning for him, his mum to make sure he doesn't have to actually look after his kids himself... I'm just not sure what you're getting out of this. As a pp said, you have all the ingredients for a great life without him. Start it.

[StackladysMorphicResonator]

Cocklodger.

Seriously, kick him out.

[TooManyButtons]

Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he manages to turn it back on me. This morning's example: I asked him to get up to feed the pets this morning. I usually do it every morning, either before work or get up when the spaniel alarm goes off. He half woke up, mumbled that he didn't want to get up because he'd be getting up in a couple of hours to get the kids, so I got up and fed them.

I'm now being accused of over reacting just because he "wouldn't get up to feed the cat". But it's not just that. It's everything.

[expatinscotland]

Dear god! This man is a LOSER. And a pig. Sex for housework. Boak.

Dump today.

'This isn't working for me. You need to find a new place to live by the end of the week.' The end.

You are subsidising this lazy cocklodger.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Kick. him. out

Seriously, what does he bring to your life other than seething resentment?

[Humansatnav]

He is a parasite. Ditch immediately.

[JennyBlueWren]

I know this might sound obvious but have you talked to him about it? For ages I was seething at the lack of housework DH does and general laziness and leaving it to me to do things and it turned out that he'd never even considered it. He just assumed I "liked" doing the housework and was quite happy with the way things were. I'd never expressly told him what I expected him to do.

Now when he starts slacking off I tell him, "You haven't done X -could you do the dishes before you go to work" -and you have to actually say that not "oh I'm really tired, I've been soo busy sorting laundry" as hints don't work.

Yes I'm a nag!

[VanitasVanitatum]

There is just absolutely no reason for this idiot to be in your house or your life any longer.

Sees his kids for a few hours every fortnight and isn't fighting for more? Dickhead!!

[cookiemonster100]

I was going to say write a list of what you do & what you think he does. Get him to don't became & compare.
However reading your subsequent posts he sounds like a knob. Your life would be a lot better without him. I wonder deep down if you already know this.
Good luck whatever you decide xx

[MrsMinton]

You need to get rid. He is selfish and is using you as a roof over his head and a meal ticket. Do you want your child thinking this is how relationships work and living like this in the future? Because that's what you are showing them at the moment. You deserve much more than this and need to tell him to leave. He will never change or he would have by now.

[gotthemoononastick]

An old grandmother whispering the wonderful word' cocklodger' in my plummy voice!!

[SukieTuesday]

There are lots of threads asking how much keep it is reasonable to charge your 17 or 18 year old child who is now working. At least a third of their income is seen as very fair. Your DP is getting a great deal.

[TwinkleDust]

Cut your losses. Send him back to mummy and daddy.

[TooManyButtons]

Oh I've talked to him. I asked him to do some laundry on Friday before I went to work. He didn't. I asked him to walk the dog yesterday. He forgot.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

He wont ever do it because he knows eventually you will.

[Jodie1982]

Actions speak louder than words. He seriously needs a kick up the arse!!

[SukieTuesday]

You sound like you have two teenagers.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Just kick him out. You will feel like a new women if you do. Stop letting him drag you down

[TooManyButtons]

And I'm being out of order bringing it up this morning, as it means he's going to be stressed all afternoon while he sees his kids. While I stay here and clean and do the laundry except anything of his

[Tinkerball]

He's never going to change.

[Geepee71]

Poor you, no wonder you're so frustrated. I'd be having a frank conversation and if no change show him the door. Hugs

[MissHJ]

Bloody hell, he is taking the piss out of you isn't he. I thought my oh was bad but nothing like yours. What exactly does he do for you? What does he bring to your relationship? I would wonder if he is going to improve if he complains of being tired after a couple of hours with his children a week. If you had a child with him, you would practically be a single parent. I would probably dump him in your shoes.

[Bartlebee]

Seriously, why are you putting up with this?

You're not married, you don't have children together. What is stopping you from splitting up with him? It sounds like you'd be much happier if you did.

[MrsMinton]

He's going to be stressed. He is being an arse. I would tell him that he can take his clothes and stay at his parents after he's seen his DC.