to say "I will not return the fish knives."

[Alchemist]

STBXH and I split over a year ago. Things have moved on, divorce going through and I am in a much better place altogether.

H's family haven't contacted me or DC for approx 8 months after a couple of very uncomfortable conversations with MIL and SIL. I told SIL to Fuck Off and I was not repentant.

So, today I receive a call from MIL:

Me: Hello
MIL: I want the fish knives back. You must return them, they are mine.
Me: Erm
MIL: I am in and I want them. I want them today.
Me: I'm out today but you could call next week? Or H could pick them up when he next has DCs?

MIL: I want them today! You must bring them to my house!
Me: I will not return the fish knives. Goodbye.

I know MIL and she must have been stewing for months before the dramatic fish knives call. This makes me smile.

So, AIBU to say "I will not return the fish knives".

I should add they were not used during the years H was here and will probably not be used in the future.

Are they her fish knives, and do you actually want them?

Totally unreasonable. Fish knives are so non-U.

Were they a gift or did she lend them to you and STBXH?

I sold them and got a tattoo

I would laugh and say but of course you must have the fish knives because you're exactly the sort of person who would use fish knives. I was surprised that you thought I was, but there you go.

'I'd be delighted to return them, you must be desperate for them to contact me and make such a demand. May your fish be full of ones, you silly haddock.'

*bones. Phone stealing letters.

Oh bless her, she gave them to "us" but now we are no longer "us", they must be returned to the family. Of course I will give them back but the call just made me smirk a bit.

"Well, DSon left them high and dry. Should be over it now, let's get the fish knives back!".

Tell they will be at x charity shop next Friday if she wants them

something about I will not return the fish knives has really tickled me < puts wine back in the cupboard>
I think you should bury them and send her a treasure map including clues / riddles to help her find there whereabouts, that would not be unreasonable.

It doesn't matter what it is, if your MIL gave you and your STBEX something as a gift, then it belongs to the two of you, and it is up to the two of you to decide what happens to it.

Her tone would have put my back up too, and I would have said exactly the same. Maybe if she had said, "Alchemist - do you remember the fish knives I gave you and STBEX? Well - they are of sentimental value to me, and I was wondering if I could have them back, please? If you are OK with this, maybe you could give them to my ds, or I could drop round and collect them." - maybe you would have felt better disposed towards her request.

Oh ... OP, those aren't the fish knives I recently bought on EBay, are they? They're great for when I feed the grandkids fish-fingers and chips but if you want them back for MIL ...

I ofviously mean their not there < locks wine cupboard>

Buy a really cheap, naff set on eBay and return those, swearing blind that they are THE knives.

Email her photos of you using them in place of a screwdriver, as gardening tools, fashioned into a quirky candelabra....

"I WILL return the fish knives" translates to "my thugs will gut you and send you to sleep with the fishes"

But you won't return the fish knives. that means you decided she is allowed to live.

"

Oh tell her to get to fuck and block her on your phone.

One if the first things ex mil said when she learned that her precious son and I were getting divorced was, "I would like the ornaments I gave you returned to me"

I told her that her grandchildren had broken them only half true - they were hideous.

What possesses these people?

YANBU - MILIBU

'How To Get On In Society' by John Betjeman

Phone for the fish knives Norman,
As cook is a little unnerved.
Your kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.

I'd put them in an envelope (loose, they're blunt fish knives so no risk to postie) put a 1p stamp on and drop them in the letterbox.

Or I'd say "oooh no I'm sure I don't have them. STBX might though? Ask him".

Or if they were a gift and I liked them "They were a gift and I'm keeping them unless the divorce settlement decides otherwise. What else will I use to unblock the drains?"

YANBU obvs.

Do you mean she sees the kids on your STBXH time or she hasn't seen them at all for 8 months?

I would've said, sorry they're being passed on to the children...they will need something to remember you by as you've decided to cut them out of your lives.