to say "I will not return the fish knives."

[Alchemist]

STBXH and I split over a year ago. Things have moved on, divorce going through and I am in a much better place altogether.

H's family haven't contacted me or DC for approx 8 months after a couple of very uncomfortable conversations with MIL and SIL. I told SIL to Fuck Off and I was not repentant.

So, today I receive a call from MIL:

Me: Hello
MIL: I want the fish knives back. You must return them, they are mine.
Me: Erm
MIL: I am in and I want them. I want them today.
Me: I'm out today but you could call next week? Or H could pick them up when he next has DCs?

MIL: I want them today! You must bring them to my house!
Me: I will not return the fish knives. Goodbye.

I know MIL and she must have been stewing for months before the dramatic fish knives call. This makes me smile.

So, AIBU to say "I will not return the fish knives".

Give her half of them back, as they were a present jointly for you and ex.

There were two halves of a dinner service making their way round my family for years, due to a will which split possessions equally between x and y and both DILs wanted the dinner service! Eventually someone died and this united the dinner service just like when Scotland and England joined up.

Yea but why are they flat? What does that achieve?
Could I use them on my cod and chips from the chippy

Cake forks are brilliant. I've no idea where ours (as in my mother's and grandmother's) went.

Fish knives are wider and flatter than normal ones. They're nowhere near as good as cake forks.

I think the flatness is to help you separate the flesh from the skin or something.

are they in a lovely box??

i love all the boxed ridiculous cutlery.

AND pleeeeeeeeease don't send her the matching forks if she has not asked for them. Please. :o :o

No box but when given were wrapped in a faded piece of green velvet.

I quite like fish forks from the chippy.

All my DCs were weaned with cake forks - they make superb children's cutlery

Tell her your fish are still using them

Cyclops I always understood that fish knives were seen as naff as they were a Victorian invention and hence those with heirloom Georgia silver didn't have them and so had had their wealth/status longer.

Scratch the words "Property of the Old Trout" into the blades then send them back to her

Runcible spoons. I used to have a whole set

I second sending them back to her un stamped and individually! :-D

This thread has taught my what runcible spoons are: sparks!
So NOT cake forks.

I'd not engage in any games.
Let her have the stupid fish knives (and forks) - another link severed.

Sparks? Sparks?

No, sporks - thank you, autocorrect. Again.

I do not like fish knives and ham
I do not like them, ex's mam

I do not like them in my house
I do not use them for a joust

I will not use them in a box
I will not, with them, cut my locks

But if you want your fish knives back
I would not, could not, cure your lack

For I do not like fish knives and ham
And I do not like you, ex's mam

This thread has really tickled me.

Yonic

Google images suggest otherwise, but I see: it's a made up word, so could actually mean anything

Something about "I will not return the fish knives. Goodbye" has made me laugh.

What a random phone call.

Yonic

Ah, interesting.
That's what I would call a 'cake fork'.
Hm.