to say "I will not return the fish knives."

[Alchemist]

STBXH and I split over a year ago. Things have moved on, divorce going through and I am in a much better place altogether.

H's family haven't contacted me or DC for approx 8 months after a couple of very uncomfortable conversations with MIL and SIL. I told SIL to Fuck Off and I was not repentant.

So, today I receive a call from MIL:

Me: Hello
MIL: I want the fish knives back. You must return them, they are mine.
Me: Erm
MIL: I am in and I want them. I want them today.
Me: I'm out today but you could call next week? Or H could pick them up when he next has DCs?

MIL: I want them today! You must bring them to my house!
Me: I will not return the fish knives. Goodbye.

I know MIL and she must have been stewing for months before the dramatic fish knives call. This makes me smile.

So, AIBU to say "I will not return the fish knives".

Alchemist shall we swap fish knives and see if she notices

A runcible spoon is made up. It's a nonsense from Lear.

Dd always asks what one is when we read The Owl and the Pussycat....I can tell her now....

'May your fish be full of bones, you silly haddock.'

This has made my night.

I thought fish knives were a sign of being poor, not posh. The reasoning being that the small of the fish might taint cheap cutlery, so you kept a different set altogether for fish eating. The rich could afford the best quality cutlery (and servants to polish them ) so they did not have to worry about lingering fishy smells. So send her common tat back without a second thought. You's is posh, innit?

Smell of the fish, not small. Must read before posting!

fishy smalls? good typo MissPen!

I suspect many posters here are just trawling, though

I think engraving Old Trout would be sort of beautiful.

Get them engraved with PROPERTY OF ALCHEMIST. Loving this thread!

I love a pun secretly jealous because I can never come up with any

Alicia looks a bit like Anne Boleyn about to be beheaded....

Whoops sorry

My gran had a set of grapefruit spoons. They had a serrated edge to slice your tongue to ribbons dig through the pesky fruit. She kept them with the teaspoons so we were forever taking them by accident and ending up eating (literally) bloody viennetta for dessert.

No fish knives or forks though.

Oh my, yes, we had grapefruit spoons.
With bamboo handles

Never came across a grapefruit in 20 odd years in my gran's house though! Despite the 6 dedicated spoons.

Pacific wtf is "fish crockery"?

Plates with pictures of fish on them, Love. For eating fish off.
I have a matching platter too

\DH wad given a grapefruit spoon. He used it but didn't serrate his tongue .

'i have enjoyed these knives as much as I have appreciated your advice and company over the years' should do it.

Engrave them with slogans like 'know your plaice', 'I've got sole', 'oh my cod', 'Prawn star', 'let's rock', 'this is carp', 'can you filet'

In cod we trust