to say "I will not return the fish knives."

[Alchemist]

STBXH and I split over a year ago. Things have moved on, divorce going through and I am in a much better place altogether.

H's family haven't contacted me or DC for approx 8 months after a couple of very uncomfortable conversations with MIL and SIL. I told SIL to Fuck Off and I was not repentant.

So, today I receive a call from MIL:

Me: Hello
MIL: I want the fish knives back. You must return them, they are mine.
Me: Erm
MIL: I am in and I want them. I want them today.
Me: I'm out today but you could call next week? Or H could pick them up when he next has DCs?

MIL: I want them today! You must bring them to my house!
Me: I will not return the fish knives. Goodbye.

I know MIL and she must have been stewing for months before the dramatic fish knives call. This makes me smile.

So, AIBU to say "I will not return the fish knives".

This is making me laugh, thank you.

She didn't mention the forks! I am off to rummage around the junk drawer where they have lived since they arrived here.

I have a set of fish knives in my eves.

You wanna get that look at Pacific

Post them back to her op. One fork and knife at a time.

eaves
eaves
eaves

I knew what I meant
I also have a matching set of fish crockery - any takers?

So far we have always managed to eat fish from our standard plates using standard knives and forks

Holy Drinker - brilliant play on 'fish' words.
OP has she really not contacted her dgc for 8 months.
She's got her priorities wrong.
Fishknives above grandchildren.
Your'e well rid.

This is what I love about MN. Poetry in reply to an amusing MIL first post.

Really, no physical contact with H's family, who all live in a 5 mile radius.

Have found them and will -wee-- clean them up and give her them back.

Holly, you're right. Well rid.

I like Susie's idea.

Of course, they will have been used, for fish, naturally, and not washed up before being posted second class. About a week after being put in the envelope.

I would ask for gifts you bought her back, just to be petty.

This really isn't my first post. It is about fish knives/MIL though .

"of course you must have them back, you are just the sort of person who uses fish knives", delivered with a sneer please.

When DM died we examined the fish cutlery for hallmarks, and gave them to charity. After all, there was a new "executive development" going up in the village, and it would make the incoming nooves easier to spot.

you could take the fish knives wherever you go and send her postcards from them.

or post the knives back 1 at a time. perhaps 1 a month.

I agree with posting them without a stamp. But she and them all individually and leave a few days between each one so she has many trips to the post office.

Sorry, send them all individually.

at photos of the Fish Knives on postcards from all over the world.

Dear MIL,
Here we all are at Machu Pichu..." etc.

Send her a photo of you licking one.

My mother's precious heirloom fish knives went missing at a party she held. She is convinced it was my ex-boyfriend who wouldn't have known what a fish knife was
Was it you OP? You seem to like other people's fish knives.

Run away with the circus, and start your own knife throwing act using the fish knives and a look-a-like of your MIL.

Cat HOW did you know?

As well as the Betjeman poem mocking pretention, there are several more modern attempts. One I saw began

"I've just origamied the Andrex..."

Well a good fish knife can se very useful

Out of interest, how do you use a fish knife??

I have never owned one