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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why everyone seems so interested in how long I'll breastfeed DD for?

122 replies

Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:04

Lately, every time I see a friend/family member who I haven't seen in a little while, the first thing out of their mouth seems to be "Oh, are you still breastfeeding DD? When are you going to stop?"

I wouldn't mind if it was said in a way like the person was just showing interest, but it's clearly asked as they feel like it'd be "weird" if I didn't stop soon... DD is 5 months old Confused

I was ready to face criticism/glares from strangers when feeding out and about, but have experienced none. I wasn't expecting this. Why are the people who are closest to me the ones who are trying to make me feel uncomfortable?

Just this week my DM asked for the 100th time when I was going to stop. I said I hadn't decided and will just see what happens. I explained DD would need breast milk or formula until she's 1, so I might just carry on until then. DM said "No, that's too long" Shock

Wibu to just tell everyone to mind their own business? I don't see why it makes any difference to them what I do or don't do.

OP posts:
skylark2 · 09/01/2015 22:09

Probably because a generation ago weaning your kid as early as possible was seen as the healthiest possible option. They're worried because their information is massively out of date.

I'd suggest you smile and say "oh, the recommendations are completely different now, it's advised to breastfeed for at least a year so I'm aiming for that" (or something else vague and a while in the future).

Writerwannabe83 · 09/01/2015 22:16

My family have stopped mentioning it. My DS is 9m/o and I think they like to believe I have stopped and that ignorance is bliss.

chocolatecrispies · 09/01/2015 22:17

World Health Organisation recommends up to at least 2, so that's what I said when people asked.

sockmatcher · 09/01/2015 22:18

Just say you'll wean him at some point before uni

RockAFellaRock · 09/01/2015 22:19

Tell them to F off. Still feeding my 2yr old occasionally but keep it quite private now.

Don't be bullied into stopping.

Could you send them info on benefits and current recommendations?

TheHermitCrab · 09/01/2015 22:20

I thought you were going to say 3 years old, not 5 months! none of their business. Next time they ask you ask them how their bowel movements are going lately. ;)

ithoughtofitfirst · 09/01/2015 22:21

I get the opposite. I want to stop well before the 6 month point and people are like oh what a shame.

redspottydress · 09/01/2015 22:22

They want to feed your baby! Don't worry, they'll give up on it soon!

WerewolfBarMitzvah · 09/01/2015 22:22

You're right - it can be the ones closest to us that say the most hurtful things, rather than strangers.
I get this too - certain people always ask when I'll be stopping (DS is 18mo) and make a cat's bum face when I say I don't know.
Tbh, I avoid the conversation or shut it down completely now as their opinion has no bearing on what we do. But I'm a lot more confident now than I was a year ago.
Keep ignoring and do your own thing.

42bunnytails · 09/01/2015 22:25

Only comment I ever got is "your friends would think your weird, if they knew you were still BFing DD2", from DSIS

ie. I think you're weird, but I've always known that.

I'm the eccentric, academic, doesn't care big sister that my lovely, normal, average DSIS has had to follow all her life. I forgive her the odd dig.

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 09/01/2015 22:27

I'm getting this too Hmm
DS is 1 tomorrow, and we're both quite happy bf Ing for now.
If love to tell people to fuck off, but I have been more diplomatic Smile

tippytappywriter · 09/01/2015 22:27

Oh I feel your pain. I had this. I bf with DD until 7 months but I wish I'd continued longer (I was returning to work and thought I needed to stop; I could have continued but I didn't know you could continue to feed morning and night). With DS I bf till he was 2 and he was ready. I do wonder why family felt the need to keep asking. Both mother and sister bottle fed but you wouldn't ask someone how long they plan to bottle feed for would you?!!
Make your own mind up. As long as you and baby love it just keep going.

42bunnytails · 09/01/2015 22:29

However, that was long after DD started school, 5 months isn't even faintly worth comment.

2.5-5 years is commonest amongst my very ordinary group of friends for the DCs who properly established BFing. (DD1 hated it and was EBF for about a fortnight).

cosmicglittergirl · 09/01/2015 22:31

My parents were like this, (we were all ff from day one). I think it's a combination of fearing the unknown, wanting to give a bottle and maybe feeling a bit uneasy because they didn't do it. I'm pretty sure my parents found it very distasteful. However, as time went on I found it easier to ignore the 'Are you still feeding her?' comments and next time I'm not even going to flinch as at first I felt really uncomfortable.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 09/01/2015 22:31

Tell them to fuck off.

You do what's best for you and your baby.

Loletta · 09/01/2015 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 09/01/2015 22:35

My MIL first asked when dd was 3 weeks old! She stopped asking by the time dd was 2. I used to mention the WHO recommend feeding until 'at least 2', due to proven reduction in the risk of asthma, eczema, several cancers and various other illnesses in babies fed until the age of 2. My mum and sister insisted milk does them no good after the age of 1. Not sure how people can be so thick, but clearly they can, and there's no telling some people. Fortunately I really couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thought about me feeding my baby!

Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2015 22:35

I would challenge what they are saying by giving them information.

I BF until mine were over 1, 18 months in terms of my youngest, that was 17 years ago, the information was about. My eldest is 30 this year. I'm not from a fully White UK background, though.

I've asked my DD how she is coping etc, her baby is three weeks old, but I hope I'm doing it in a supportive way. She is pumping so I can give her a break from next week (her DP works long hours).

Waltonswatcher · 09/01/2015 22:37

My dd is nearly 3 and shows no sign of stopping . I wish she would ,my backs had enough . The oesteopath reckons its the breast feeding hormones . I can't see it myself - no one else is a hobbling mess cos of booby action!

Original poster
Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:45

It's nice (and worrying!) to hear it's not just my friends and family

birds it sounds like you're being really supportive to your dd and I'm sure she appreciates it. My own DM is usually very supportive and nonjudgmental, so it really stopped me in my tracks when she said "No", rather than express her opinion. She even said "You don't want to end up like x, feeding until DD is over 1". Erm, why not?!

tippytappy that's a great idea - I think I'm going to start saying "Why do you ask? You wouldn't ask how long I was planning to formula feed". I could definitely say this to DM at least!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:47

Or I might take hermit's advice Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:49

ithoughtofitfirst don't be bullied into doing anything either - do what's right for you

OP posts:
Original poster
Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:51

Happy birthday to mistletoe's DS for tomorrow! Cake

OP posts:
LePetitMarseillais · 09/01/2015 22:55

I doubt they are so interested.I'm certainly not, certainly not enough to understand why anybody would start an entire thread on their rather mundane feeding choice.Maybe you confused making conversation with extreme interest.

TooManyMochas · 09/01/2015 22:59

I find these threads interesting because I've hardly ever met anyone offline who gives a toss. I BFed DS1 for 15 months (would've very happily stopped earlier - it was just the easiest way to get him to sleep!) and not a single person asked me about it. Now I'm FFing DS2 by choice and no one ever asks me about that either, with the single exception of MIL, who did eye roll a little. Where are all these people fixated on how other people feed their babies? Grin.

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