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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why everyone seems so interested in how long I'll breastfeed DD for?

122 replies

Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:04

Lately, every time I see a friend/family member who I haven't seen in a little while, the first thing out of their mouth seems to be "Oh, are you still breastfeeding DD? When are you going to stop?"

I wouldn't mind if it was said in a way like the person was just showing interest, but it's clearly asked as they feel like it'd be "weird" if I didn't stop soon... DD is 5 months old Confused

I was ready to face criticism/glares from strangers when feeding out and about, but have experienced none. I wasn't expecting this. Why are the people who are closest to me the ones who are trying to make me feel uncomfortable?

Just this week my DM asked for the 100th time when I was going to stop. I said I hadn't decided and will just see what happens. I explained DD would need breast milk or formula until she's 1, so I might just carry on until then. DM said "No, that's too long" Shock

Wibu to just tell everyone to mind their own business? I don't see why it makes any difference to them what I do or don't do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fox28 · 09/01/2015 23:02

I'm jealous toomanymochas - I thought no one would give a toss about how I feed my baby either! Grin

OP posts:
Discopanda · 09/01/2015 23:02

People always used to ask me how long I would BF for and I'd just explain that I would go until DD was ready to stop. Went on until 14 months but the last couple of weeks were awful, lots of biting and she kept getting distracted so I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would.

goldencrowns · 09/01/2015 23:05

YANBU OP - I find this kind of thing deeply annoying - got it from my DM and siblings about feeding my DC. I hate that everyone's all "good for you breastfeeding, well done!" when baby is tiny, but then suddenly at some point it's like a switch flips and you start getting the frowns and subtle digs and the "when are you going to stop" stuff. I even got shouted at by some family members who wheeled out the "you're doing it for your own benefit" line (which is frankly complete crap - I'm still feeding DD at nearly 2 and would give up like a shot if I could).

It's just another way for society to get at women for doing the "wrong" thing with their children in some way. Hey, you managed to bf? We can't let that go on too long without making you feel bad in some way - don't you know that all women need to be made to feel bad about feeding their babies?

Grrrrr. Ignore them.

FannyBlott · 09/01/2015 23:11

I used to get that from my mother who is very pro breastfeeding but only up to six months. She said ds2 was odd for wanting to breastfeed constantly so frequently.
Ds2 is still breastfeeding at nearly three, I'd be quite happy if he stopped but he loves it and I don't mind it for now. I plan on gradually weaning him over the next year or so.
My mother has two daughters in law, one breastfed her children for just over a year and the other is still breastfeeding her dd at nearly 2 and plans to let her feed as long as she wants.

She no longer makes any shitty comments about breastfeeding Grin

tobytoes · 09/01/2015 23:12

I get this all the time. My sister likes to whisper the question "are you still....you know" then points at my chest. Really annoys me. I've also had the "bitty" jokes which makes me so unbelievably angry.

tobytoes · 09/01/2015 23:13

My dd is 2.5 by the way.

FannyBlott · 09/01/2015 23:15

Oh and saying he was odd was only one of the comments.
She told me he was too old and to stop breastfeeding him every single time she spoke to me until about a year ago when I told her it had nothing to do with her, it was perfectly normal and she should read up on it if she was so interested because I was sick of her bringing it up.
I wish nobody gave a shit but some people do. No idea why!

MaMaMarmoset · 09/01/2015 23:16

If your mother is normally lovely I might go to the effort of getting her some information on BF and current guidelines.

SASASI · 09/01/2015 23:28

It's wierd isn't it? Firstly it's not for anyone else to comment on - I don't get why people are so fixated!

My MIL is the worse for it, she hates that I do it because she doesn't get DC to herself. I just say were doing it while it works.

I think I'll do it after a year, probably just at night though as I'll be away very early in the morning.

Shockers · 10/01/2015 00:09

I breastfed in the late 80s and nobody really seemed to notice. I went upstairs if we had company (my own choice... I loved to just watch and love him as he fed and didn't want to interact with anyone else; it was my time).

I draped my shawl over my shoulder in cafés (again my choice... didn't want random folk seeing my nipples).

I fed him until his little sharp teeth almost sliced my nipple off at 11 months and nobody commented.

I've had cruel comments about bottle feeding my foster/adopted children by strangers though.

anothernumberone · 10/01/2015 00:21

The 'bitty' comments are filed away with the 'too posh to push comments' I got after a c section.

I have only had one friend comment to my face, I have given him years of mileage out of it. He is in his late 40's and his wife is 50 and they are childfree by choice so naturally I don't bother with any useless info I just laugh with them about it. They were unnerved but actually quite supportive in their own ways. My family were all fine except dbro who was trying to convince me to give up so he could convince his wife bf ends eventually. He has his work cut out since she is tandem feeding a 1 and nearly 4 year old.

ShinyHappySteeple · 10/01/2015 00:27

I actually think the climate is getting worse when it comes to breast feeding. I last breastfed 10 years ago, and never remember any negative comments, or even negative looks from people. As the babies got closer to 1 I started to worry about feeding them in public, but only ever got misty-eyed indulgent looks from the people who even noticed.

However, I have a small baby again now, after a long gap, and find that whilst I have had no negative comments, I do get unpleasant looks from people and questions about when I'm going to stop - she's only three months old! I definitely feel more uncomfortable feeding in public this time - I think it has become even more politically charged of late if that's possible

Bulbasaur · 10/01/2015 05:45

At 5 months? I could see it at a 12 months and up, but 5 months is still very young.

I thought standard was one year and then you ween them off. Or even start weening them down before then. We've been told to keep DD on formula until a year and then transition her to cow milk.

Bulbasaur · 10/01/2015 05:47

I've had cruel comments about bottle feeding my foster/adopted children by strangers though.

Shock Wow. I've been bottle feeding DD from day one and the only thing people to say about it is how cute she is and start typical baby small talk.

RC1234 · 10/01/2015 06:34

I was given the same sort of comments by 5 months. I straight out asked my husband what his problem was. He said it was because he could see I was so tired. I told him I was was fine.

Welliesandpyjamas · 10/01/2015 06:42

I think people lose interest after the first child, IME. Lots of people wanted to know how I was getting on, how long I'd go on for (although to be fair never with a perceived negative tone, just genuine curiosity), how often and for how long, etc. but with second and third dcc I have definitely had far less interest from people in my BF habits beyond the first few weeks. Maybe people assume by then you are getting on with things and don't 'need' to chat about something which can be tricky?

sebsmummy1 · 10/01/2015 06:45

The only person who ever asked that question was my MIL. I think it was a combination of her feeling side lined every time I fed my son at her house, as at the beginning I went upstairs and later I went to a quiet place downstairs. Also though she couldn't breast feed herself do I think she found it a bit odd.

In the end I breast fed for a year as my son pretty much self weaned.

ASunnyTiger · 10/01/2015 06:49

They're being completely ridiculous! I started getting comments and 'hints' when DD was getting closer to 1 (and she still nurses now at 2.6, though I am working at stopping it now and feeds are really reduced) but to st this about a baby not even old bc enough for solids yet? I wish people would butt out, it's none of their business.

Catsize · 10/01/2015 09:33

I am interested to know when and why people stopped feeding in public. I am getting lots of odd comments from family. Is this what drives people to go underground with their feeding? My DD is massive ten months.

Littlef00t · 10/01/2015 10:37

Catsize My dd is 10 mo and I have pretty much stopped feeding in public, but only because she only has 3 feeds, 7am, immediately post afternoon nap, and 7pm. As I usually make sure she naps in the cot as it's a better quality nap, I'm at home for all of them.

She eats solids really well, so I find it easier to give a snack rather than bf is she gets peckish, but will feed if convenient.

Booboostoo · 10/01/2015 10:44

My DM was constantly after me about stopping bf with DD. DD stopped at 3yo when my milk stopped during pregnancy and DM talk her to say "I am too old to bf" to make sure she would not start again when the baby arrived. I don't mind either way for DD, she wanted to stop and she stopped, but I am furious with DM for making an issue out of it.

Booboostoo · 10/01/2015 10:46

I stopped feeding in public when DD was 2yo. I have never had negative comments from strangers but when DD was 2yo I changed from don't offer, don't refuse to three bfs a day, in bed.

Brandysnapper · 10/01/2015 10:56

It doesn't matter whether your baby was 6 months, one, or three - your family need to butt out.

Notso · 10/01/2015 11:35

I do sometimes ask about breastfeeding. Not to be critical just out of interest.
I think I must have done something wrong because the longest I could feed for was 8 months. Once my DC had had food and started drinking from a cup they didn't seem satisfied by a breast feed, it made them naggy and frustrated.

Seff · 10/01/2015 12:07

With DD my mum started asking within 2 or 3 weeks. She finally stopped asking when DD turned 4!

I don't know if she thinks she is still feeding or not, and she has never mentioned it since having DS.