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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why everyone seems so interested in how long I'll breastfeed DD for?

122 replies

Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:04

Lately, every time I see a friend/family member who I haven't seen in a little while, the first thing out of their mouth seems to be "Oh, are you still breastfeeding DD? When are you going to stop?"

I wouldn't mind if it was said in a way like the person was just showing interest, but it's clearly asked as they feel like it'd be "weird" if I didn't stop soon... DD is 5 months old

I was ready to face criticism/glares from strangers when feeding out and about, but have experienced none. I wasn't expecting this. Why are the people who are closest to me the ones who are trying to make me feel uncomfortable?

Just this week my DM asked for the 100th time when I was going to stop. I said I hadn't decided and will just see what happens. I explained DD would need breast milk or formula until she's 1, so I might just carry on until then. DM said "No, that's too long"

Wibu to just tell everyone to mind their own business? I don't see why it makes any difference to them what I do or don't do.

OP posts:

MummyPig24 · 11/01/2015 04:27

One person in particular frequently asks me if I am "still doing the boob feeding" and when I am going to stop (dc3 is 10 months). When we are good and fucking ready thanks! And what's it to you anyway?!

TarkaTheOtter · 11/01/2015 06:07

brandy was just pointing out that you had misquoted the WHO advice sticking. It wasn't a comment on how long you fed for.

My mil never mentioned it to me but regularly questioned dh about it when dd was around 4-6m. I think she just assumed we stopped after 6m as she didn't mention it after that.

Kittymum03 · 11/01/2015 06:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatnow2 · 11/01/2015 06:28

Breastfed my three until:

ds: just after 2

dd1: 1and 3/4

dd2: 3 and 3/4 - not during the day this late but at night - found it difficult to stop with her as their was no incumbent newborn spurring things on (there are 2 years between each dc).

My sister told me dd2 would be in therapy as an adult due to the breastfeeding . Dd2 is going to be 9 in March and this still annoys me when I think about it.

42bunnytails · 11/01/2015 10:49

Therapy
That really does have to be the best one yet!

Really what are some people on!

42bunnytails · 11/01/2015 10:51

Really WhatNow2 it's her problem not yours

Notso · 11/01/2015 11:01

Thanks Fox I hope I come across as interested rather than interrogating.
I don't feel sad as such about it not carrying on longer. I am just interested as to how other Mums manage it and what they did differently to me.

CecilyP · 11/01/2015 11:38

Also, I suspect DH would feel uncomfortable with me breastfeeding DD for too much longer. I think he would be embarrassed as none of his friends wives, or his sister, breastfed for long, and he wouldn't like us to seem different... Oh well, he'll just have to feel uncomfortable!

He has no reason to feel embarrassed, as current medical advice is to breastfeed or use formula for the first 12 months. If breastfeeding is going well, why on earth would you want to switch your baby to bottles of formula? It doesn't make sense - even supposing your baby will take a bottle.

elliejjtiny · 11/01/2015 12:02

When people said that to me I just said I was hoping to carry on until he started school at least just to see the horrified looks on their faces . I fed DS1 until 14 months in the end. What I don't get is the elderly man at church who says "Are you um, (cough) um feeding him yourself (cough)" Clearly you're embarrassed about the subject so why even ask? Then his wife started telling me all about when she gave birth in the 60's, asking me if I was sure I should be out of bed as in her day ladies who had c-sections were in hospital for a couple of weeks, all in a very kind, motherly kind of way.

elliejjtiny · 11/01/2015 12:09

Now I'm on DS5 people have stopped asking me about breastfeeding. Now they are obsessed about what I'm doing with outgrown baby clothes (most things going into the loft for now, will sort through them and maybe make a quilt out of my favourites when I've got more time). Cue horrified expressions and "but you must sell them on ebay and make a fortune". I think after they've been worn by 5 boys nobody will want them for free, I'm definitely not going to make any money from them!

Original poster

Fox28 · 11/01/2015 20:47

CecilyP I completely agree, it wouldn't make sense to switch a baby to formula if everything is going well breastfeeding. I don't think DH would come out and say it, but I feel he has the same attitude as my mum, of it being "weird" past a certain point. No idea why. I think I'm just not going to discuss it with him, and continue breastfeeding until DD or I are ready to stop. I don't think he'll bring the subject up himself.

OP posts:

Brandysnapper · 11/01/2015 22:17

I doubt my dh is at all embarrassed as I'm pretty sure his conversations with his friends or workmates don't involve breastfeeding! No-one other than our parents know I'm still feeding.

Original poster

Fox28 · 12/01/2015 01:35

I don't think DH discusses me breastfeeding with anyone either! But yes, I suppose when DD is older DH's friends may not know if I'm breastfeeding or not. At the moment though DD feeds often enough that I still need to feed her in front of them.

OP posts:

Seff · 12/01/2015 07:07

TBH, I always thought it would be weird after 2, but on her second birthday she was only a day older than the day before, and it didn't seem weird at all! DH was the same, there were times when he mentioned weaning at some undetermined point in the future but as we got towards the end and it's one feed a day it just seems totally normal.

I quite enjoyed the peace and quiet in the end - it was one of the only times she used to stop talking!

Now my baby is 9 months old, and I do have wobbles about the fact that it could be another 3+ years till I stop, but I just take things a day at a time

42bunnytails · 12/01/2015 08:33

Exactly, a child is only ever one day older than the day before.

Writerwannabe83 · 12/01/2015 09:25

I know a woman who made the decision to do the last breast feed the night before the baby's "6 month birthday" as she would be going back to work.

She said she found it do upsetting doing her last feed that she tried to drag it out as long as possible.

When I had DS I had no set plans as to how long to breast feed for, he's almost 10 months now and I'm still feeding him. When he was a newborn I probably would have thought that a 10 month old baby would be too old to be BF and I would feel silly BF'ing a baby so big, but now that he's at that age is still feels just as normal and natural as it did when he was a very young baby.

I imagine as he gets older he will lose interest and I will probably just carry on for as long as he wants to.

tobysmum77 · 12/01/2015 19:20

I'm a ff-er btw but personally I find it much odder when people give bottles to toddlers. bfing I can get but bottles for a 2yo?

Its strange as well because ime those who gave bottles to late tend to be just judgy about breastfeeding past 1. Surely bottles are fake nipples so what do they see as the point or difference?

It's a strange old world we live in....

tobysmum77 · 12/01/2015 19:21

most judgy....

anothernumberone · 12/01/2015 20:43

strange as well because ime those who gave bottles to late tend to be just judgy about breastfeeding past 1 Surely bottles are fake nipples so what do they see as the point or difference

I know what you mean. I ff my first 2 but no bottles past 18mths. I bf ds until 2.5 and while really no one commented to me about my bf because a lot of people would have thought I had stopped but I heard some general, slagging bf, comments from people who still gave bottles and dummys past 2 which I found strange since surely they got that the whole purpose of both of these is to replace bf.

Seff · 12/01/2015 20:50

I think that general attitudes in society towards breasts plays a big part in that. I don't really like to bring up other threads but on last weeks thread about breastfeeding past toddlerhood there were comments that made it seem that it was less about the breastmilk and more about the breasts.

'We' (as a society) struggle to think of breasts as anything other than sexual.

Until I was pregnant and then breastfeeding, it honestly never occurred to me that bottles and dummies are replacement nipples. It's really ingrained, particularly in those of us who grew up seeing very little breastfeeding (if any).

I do think attitudes are changing, I don't think it's that long ago that it would be unusual to breastfeed at all, let along longer than a few weeks.

Imi22sleeping · 12/01/2015 21:48

This happened to.me I bf.for 11 months and from about five.months my mum kept asking me what was wrong with cows.milk so one day during a.Skype chat I googled it and told her and it shut her up!! People close to you want to look after the baby and can't when your breast feeding they don't like the fact your are the main.provider this was my.mum not my husband btw

Writerwannabe83 · 12/01/2015 22:08

I agree - my FIL believed that the only reason why I was breast feeding my baby was because I didn't want to share him with anyone.

He actually said that my face in a not very nice manner!!

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