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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why everyone seems so interested in how long I'll breastfeed DD for?

122 replies

Fox28 · 09/01/2015 22:04

Lately, every time I see a friend/family member who I haven't seen in a little while, the first thing out of their mouth seems to be "Oh, are you still breastfeeding DD? When are you going to stop?"

I wouldn't mind if it was said in a way like the person was just showing interest, but it's clearly asked as they feel like it'd be "weird" if I didn't stop soon... DD is 5 months old Confused

I was ready to face criticism/glares from strangers when feeding out and about, but have experienced none. I wasn't expecting this. Why are the people who are closest to me the ones who are trying to make me feel uncomfortable?

Just this week my DM asked for the 100th time when I was going to stop. I said I hadn't decided and will just see what happens. I explained DD would need breast milk or formula until she's 1, so I might just carry on until then. DM said "No, that's too long" Shock

Wibu to just tell everyone to mind their own business? I don't see why it makes any difference to them what I do or don't do.

OP posts:
ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 10/01/2015 21:28

Did the cat feed ostentatiously? Probably just wanted attention. Smug, breastapo cat.

RockAFellaRock · 10/01/2015 21:28

Goldencrowns - you can drink!! General rule is if you're sober enough to look after baby/toddler your sober enough to feed. You can def have a couple of glasses of wine!

Hopingforamiracle - you've no idea. So many benefits for toddler. What are you basing your opinion on??

stickingpoint2 · 10/01/2015 21:32

Brandysnapper.
Thanks. I REALLY needed to know that not only am i a complete failure for sopping BF when my daughters WANTED to at 2. But actually that was wrong advice too. Thanks as the shitest parent in the world I shall just get my coat.
Wow.
Yes people whatever you do to try to get it right someone will ALWAYS criticise. Thanks. Clearly my 8 and 6 year old have suffered immensly because I didn't force my milk on them.

stickingpoint2 · 10/01/2015 21:33

At 1. Sorry. A bit of ffs there.

nomoreminibreaks · 10/01/2015 21:41

I haven't read every response but I say 'We'll stop when were both ready' and smile. I find the more confident I am in my response the less I receive unwanted 'advice' from others as I'm clearly happy with my decision. With DS1 I wasn't as sure (and visibly so) and got lots of opinions I didn't want.

ASunnyTiger · 10/01/2015 21:48

You wouldn't believe it, getting home from a hard day at work and there she'd be in the front garden - not even in some inconspicuous corner by the bushes but right out in the bloody open - feeding him for all the world to see. She was obviously just being a martyr to her kit, smug, superior, attention seeking cat.

goldencrowns · 10/01/2015 21:58

Rockafella oh I do have a glass of wine or so occasionally, I'd just like to put away more than that every so often without worrying Grin - used to be able to sink a GnT followed by half a bottle with dinner, ah the days Blush - not much chance of that nowadays as half a glass sends me tipsy now, but I like to dream.... Grin

DixieNormas · 10/01/2015 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 10/01/2015 22:01

Shut them down op say you are intending on doing it until child wants to stop and that could be as old as 6.

I am still BF too and get the question from Dsil...the way its asked is really annoying

MyTeethAreChattering · 10/01/2015 22:05

I had exactly this.

Never explain.

Simply say "why do you ask?"

The answers are illuminating. Some people are just making conversation. Some people immediately realise they were rude. Some people are genuinely interested because they know there is no right answer. Some people want the opportunity to preach at you.

Asking the question allows you to see which camp they are in and respond accordingly.

DixieNormas · 10/01/2015 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dottytablecloth · 10/01/2015 22:12

Are people really that interested? really?

It wouldn't occur to me to be remotely interested!

Original poster
Fox28 · 10/01/2015 22:17

Ha! Loving the selfish, just breastfeeding for her own benefit, cat Grin

Notso - I'm perfectly happy for people to ask questions about breastfeeding out of interest, so I'm sure no one minds when you ask them. And I hope you're not being serious when you say you must have done something wrong as the longest you could breastfeed for was 8 months!!

I like the "in 2 weeks" answer cailindana Grin And also good advice from RedToothBrush

Can't believe your family say you let them down sticking!! Shock

Unfortunately it seems people have an opinion whatever we decide to do. Also, I suspect DH would feel uncomfortable with me breastfeeding DD for too much longer. I think he would be embarrassed as none of his friends wifes, or his sister, breastfed for long, and he wouldn't like us to seem different... Oh well, he'll just have to feel uncomfortable!

OP posts:
Cherriesandapples · 10/01/2015 22:17

Just say "oh everyone feeds until x now" which will works as long as to older people and people without other newborn relatives. You could also add "in x group does". It makes it fashionable rather than defensive!

Dazedconfused · 10/01/2015 22:21

Before I gave birth I always said I'll try to do it for 6 months now I'm only at 4 months but I love breastfeeding my dd and have no plans to stop as just don't see the need. I expressed some milk and went out with my dh last night for the first time in a looong time had a gin & tonic and half bottle of wine so really don't feel am missing out since dd was asleep when got home so didn't feed her until this morning anyway but know would not have been particularly bad to feed her last night if necessary.
My friends and mum have asked when I will stop but not in a judgemental or pressurised way they are just interested so your are definitely not being unreasonable if they are putting pressure on you etc

goldencrowns · 10/01/2015 22:25

Good for you dazed

I could never get much out when expressing and picky DD wouldn't take any kind of bottle. At nearly 2 she likes the comfort at bedtime rather than just the milk, so only the breast will suffice Grin

DixieNormas · 10/01/2015 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dazedconfused · 10/01/2015 22:35

Sorry golden was not meaning to boast I know lots of babies who refuse bottles etc so know how lucky I am to have a little gannet who just wants her food no matter where it comes from (well she prefers me and would never take the bottle from me since I am the milk machine but does mean am lucky that can occasionally go out)

MadameJosephine · 10/01/2015 22:37

Most of my friends and family know me too well to ask but as DD gets older I do get asked occasionally when i am planning to stop but ive never had a plan so I always simply reply 'until one of us is ready to stop' which is the truth. My eldest self weaned at 22 months but DD is still happily breast feeding at 26 months and I am happy to continue, if that changes at any point then I might consider stopping

Brandysnapper · 10/01/2015 22:48

Stickingpoint I am sorry your family have been shit to you re bf, but you are completely over-reacting to my post - there is nothing wrong with me pointing out an error in your comment, it is no comment on what you have done with your children. I could just as easily be upset that you have implied that I am going past what is acceptable by feeding ds2 after two years (ds1, like yours, stopped of his own accord earlier than that). Quite upset that you wrote all that about me actually.

foreverton · 10/01/2015 22:58

A lady at playgroup was still breastfeeding her dd who was potty trained and almost 3, I found it a bit strange as her dd was massive and used to sort of hang off her, legs dangling.
Funnily enough it stopped as soon as she found a new boyfriend:)

ProveMeWrong · 10/01/2015 23:05

Don't worry, once they hit 2yo people write you off as a loony and stop asking. Or realise you don't actually give a shit about their opinion/health guidelines/the media/mumsnet/the lady two doors down. I always found it a strangely veiled threat, as if the thumbscrews would soon twist to make you feel pressured to stop. Best idea is the poster who suggested turning round the question back on them. Any parenting question is probably best dealt like this. Usually parenting questions say more about the questioner than the questioned!

ProveMeWrong · 10/01/2015 23:07

Andy yes my toddlers legs dangle down, he twists around and does acrobatics. We sometimes have a chat half way through, but so what?! My husband thinks we're insane!

mimilovell · 11/01/2015 01:07

OP I get it too. The only people who give me praises are people in my family and close friends who are doctors, working in medical profession, other mothers who are into raising their kids naturally.

42bunnytails · 11/01/2015 01:17

You sit one end of the sofa or feed lying down in bed, that way dangling legs aren't a problem.

I've used DHs lap in cafes to dump toddler legs.

DDs party trick was to feed standing up. Initially on a chair, then the various of hight steps in our much extended house.

We decided to call it quits when I realised she was feeding at standing in the hall at the same level as me.

We were joking about it tonight, she's now taller than me!