To truly hate being pregnant?!

[TheHermitCrab]

Arrrgh. Needed a rant.

38 weeks pregnant. I have hated every moment of it! but had very little reason to lol.

Never had morning sickness (Well I was queasy but nothing worth whinging about)

But the aching, pulling every muscle, general 9 months of feeling like shit. discharge (tmi!), stretch marks from my chin to my toes, waiting around for midwifes, hearing the same shit from people asking about my baby and bump..etc (I'm not a people person, can you tell)

Now I'm 38 weeks, and 4ft 11, I'm pretty much a walking bump. Getting out of bed is like a turtle stuck on its back. All arms and legs. My knees hurt, my legs hurt, my back hurts.

Strangers ask me how long I have. And people keep telling me how much I will miss my bump (no!) and the sleep (what sleep?! the 3 hours of pain I get on my side?) and how much they all loved being pregnant, I don't even like the movements, I feel invaded, haha.

They are lying to me yes? I didn't even glow. In fact I'm covered in blue veins, I look like death.

(Comments about how I should be lucky I'm pregnant at all need not be posted, I'm not looking for sympathy...etc)

I just can't wait for this little beggar to be out and then the "fun" can get started! ;)

I'm tall and skinny. Pregnancy was fine until about 8 months, then my bump got huge and I started waddling and not sleeping. So YANBU. It was such a relief when DS was finally induced at 13 days over the little weasel born.

"Revolting" and "awful human being". Thanks. Or, someone whose last two pregnancies haven't resulted in babies and wishes that all she had to complain about was some discomfort of pregnancy. And yes, I have had a full-term, successful pregnancy too so I do know about the discomfort but title like this thread's just make me want to scream that you need to know how lucky you are to have a surviving, continuing pregnancy.

I'm so very sorry for your losses, onestep

I've had those too. It doesn't negate this though. like I said, "It's possible to deeply, truly, understand your fortune at being in the position of having a child but really not enjoy the process."

I lost my second baby at 5 months, onestep. I am so pleased to be pregnant each time (had another two babies since) but I do really dislike the being pregnant.

I worry constantly about the baby, I vomit every day (sometimes blood from the constant vomiting), I have terrible indigestion, I get SPD and back pain, I was in a couple of times with reduced fetal movement, my pelvic floor is in a terrible state, my energy levels are appalling. I'm not one to bloom in pregnancy.

Just because I and other people have lost babies in the past, it doesn't mean that I and other people don't get to complain about the difficulties of pregnancy.

I loved it. But I'm 6 foot tall, so wonder if that does make a difference.

Hello everyone! I'm back. I didn't realise I'd have so many responses but I've read each and every one of them, glad we can all have a whinge together!!

onestepforwardtwentystepsback

I'm going to be harsh with you, because my OP clearly says (Comments about how I should be lucky I'm pregnant at all need not be posted, I'm not looking for sympathy...etc)

I think the pathetic comments that anyone who has a baby should think themselves lucky just because others can't is a ridiculous notion. I am not required to pity them because I can have something they can't. In fact, I think it is rude to pity them and not just have my own experience.

Many women have posted on here who HAVE had miscarriages and scares, and still hate the feeling of being pregnant.

Maybe people who complain about their eczema shouldn't complain because at least they don't have psoriasis, and those with diabetes should think themself lucky they don't have cancer and should just shut the fuck up?

No. I'll have my experiences, feel how I feel about them, and share my feelings.

I myself have not shared how I got pregnant, how long it took, and any of the experiences I had along the way that were heart wrenching, because that is not what the post was about, if it was, I'd be posting in the pregnancy and conception threads.

But I'm not. I'm whinging about my aches, pains, belly and moods on aibu, not the place for a deep and meaningful.

I don't mean to offend anyone who has had problems in their pregnancy or with their children, and I think most people know that.

Thanks for your alternative view though.

Now lets get back to being light hearted if we're allowed? :)

Nor does it make it 'reasonable' to 'truly hate' being pregnant. Which was the question.

'Pathetic' and 'ridiculous' now too - yeah, I'll leave you to your light-hearted thread because otherwise I'll lose my ability to respond with anything other than swearwords.

I understand you think I am being unreasonable. But as I said above. Comparing me and others to those who cannot be pregnant is a daft reason to be unreasonable.

Comparing yourself to others especially when health/body is related doesn't get anyone anywhere.

Like I said thanks for your alternative view. But I don't want it to get into a massive debate or a deep an meaningful, because I don't think it's the right place x

I said the notion of it was pathetic and ridiculous. But yes, feel free to leave. Because you really are taking it too personal, when it really was just a light hearted rant and not a deep debate about conception and pregnancy. That's why I didn't post it in the pregnancy forum. Where I think there are more serious things to talk about.

I'm not sure why you came onto this thread in the first place onestepforward.

The ONLY thing tolerable about my pregnancy is that I had a baby at the end of it.

I loathed being pregnant, and I would have wanted to have a 3rd child, but couldn't face the thought of being pregnant for a third time.

I'm sorry for your losses One

We tried for almost 3 years for this pregnancy (dc1). Had 2 miscarriages.

I don't regret being pregnant. I know how lucky I am. But ATM this is more than "some discomfort". I honestly didn't expect to feel so shit. Quite honestly, the description that I'm in "discomfort" makes me (perhaps irrationally) stabby - it is so far from the fucking truth it's unbelievable.

Comparing ttc with being unwell in pregnancy is a bit like comparing a broken arm with a broken leg. Just because the person with the broken arm can still walk properly, it doesn't make it hurt less. It's not a competition. Just because someone is pregnant, it doesn't mean that the process is automatically easy because others are "going through worse".

So whilst I empathise and understand your position, it isn't actually helpful.

If you visit the pregnancy forum, you will find plenty of ladies who are chatting about pregnancy illness, gender guesses, stretch marks, anxiety about appointments, general paranoia and just "am i pregnant" posts. They are all fair to post in their own rights, and I'm sure they understand people have a much harder time than them and aren't worrying about if they should eat feta cheese or whether they can have half a glass of wine. But these forums are for everyone, not just for those who have suffered the most who insist in comparing their situations to others.

Ohfourfoxache The broken limb comparisons make much more sense than mine :)

Congrats on your pregnancy (commiserations on the "discomfort" lol )! How far along are you? xx

I know I think you've said already FourFox but the thread got so long I can't find you now! lol

I think everyone realises how lucky they are to be able to have a full term healthy pregnancy. Doesn't mean we can't moan about the things we dislike about being pregnant.

I made it to 6 months with my first pregnancy, he lived for two hours then passed away. I then had two miscarriages.

I'm very grateful I've managed to get this far with this pregnancy, but it doesn't mean I can't complain about being uncomfortable and in agony. I wouldn't dream of making other people feel bad. My losses are nothing to do with anybody else.

To try and make pregnant woman feel guilty about wanting a moan is awful. Shame on you

AlwaysLurking38

So sorry about what you have had to go through xx It's one of the main reasons I posted in my OP that I didn't want people telling me how lucky I am, because I always feel it forces people to talk about the bad situations they have been through as a defense, when they may not feel its something they want to share.

That's the only reason I insisted we keep it light hearted, not to avoid me getting flamed (I'm a tough cookie) but so others didn't feel the need to defend their own pain.

As you say, it's not fair to make others feel guilty. We all have things in life to deal with that just can't compare to others.

hugs

Yackity I feel the same, I would have loved more children but have had to make my family planning decisions based purely on how my body cannot cope with pregnancy. Some pregnancy related conditions can be seriously debilitating and dangerous and I couldn't physically or mentally go through it again. For many women it's a bit more than just 'discomfort'.

Mine is discomfort, I'm not going to deny that. Like I said I went from walking 5 miles a day, now I can't get to the corner shop. I see that as discomfort because I can still walk, just not any distance! lol. But I still hate it, and I'm still not joying it.

I'm extremely uncomfortable, mixed with pain, and lack of sleep. Some people may have what I have and see it as nothing, others may act like they are are deaths doors.

I'm just pissed off :)

Maybe this thread would have been better in _Chat, which doesn't invite disagreement? It's not really in the AIBU spirit to post '...and I'm not looking for x, y & z responses, thanks, just ones that agree with me.'

Oh Always

I'm so sorry that you're having a shit time in this pregnancy to top after all you've been through - life really can be so bloody unfair.

I'm 30+6 today Hermit - if one more person says "ooh you've not got long to go now!" I think I'll end up either being admitted with high blood pressure or sectioned. (DH made the mistake a few weeks ago of declaring that the second trimester "went quickly". It did not. Not at all. He shall not be repeating said error.)

fatherpeeweestairmaster

I don't mind people disagreeing with me at all, I think I said that about 3 messages ago.

I also said the ONLY reason I asked people not to bring up the "you should be lucky" debate. Because I feel it forces other women to talk about THEIR horrible situations that they didn't think they would need to share to justify whether they can feel like shit or not.

If someone said to me "I disagree, man up, it's 9 months you big wimp" I'd have some good banter with them and debate.

What I disagree with is people turning it into a comparison of other people's pain. I don't want women who have suffered having to talk about their miscarriages and whatnot just to defend themselves complaining about their current pregnancy when they have come for a light hearted rant or debate.

I'm more concerned with the one poster taking it personally and making everyone else have to defend themselves against her situation. We are all special and different and have no reason to have to lower ourselves or defend ourselves to someone elses standards.

Ohfourfoxache

Ooooh you've not got long now! haha ;)

Oh you will get that so much now! I'm 38 weeks and I get a phone call a day from people "any signs??" They only sign they are getting is a picture of the baby saying "she's here" Even if I'm in labour I've told myself anyone who rings is getting a "no, just sat here eating toast, nothing. Beggar off!" lol

Me and OH agreed just me, him, and my dad will know while I'm in labour (In case I need my dad taxi) as my dad is very indifferent and won't bother me lol.

You lot are going to hate me!

I absolutely love being pregnant! Am 31 + 3 now, and am one of those annoying woman that absolutely sail through pregnancy. My first one, I've had very little morning sickness, no nausea, no heartburn, no backache, no SPD, no bleeding or reduced movement fears. Baby kicks and squirms constantly like the little minx she is, but I quite enjoy that too.

I think part of it though is that I have crohns and was really quite ill before I fell pregnant. Been in complete remission since, havent felt so good in years! (You guys in aibu were some of the first people to know about the pregnancy actually, dont know if anyone remembers!)

My bump is very neat and high, not uncomfortable in the slightest really. I get tired more easily, but thats about it.

I'm really gonna miss my bump! 8 weeks on Monday til my ELCS, dont know what I'll do without a squirming, kicking bump. Just get working on another one asap I suppose ;)

But yeah I've saw a lot of the same opinions on the antenatal boards. Some woman just dont enjoy being pregnant at all, just one thing bad thing after another. It must be horrible to feel so shitty all the time when everyone thinks/says you should be blooming!