In not being all humble and respectful and all that.(abortion related)

[IdontusuallyNC]

I have had the contraceptive injection twice now obviously I had it done on time and followed all instructions given to me I also usually use condoms I have 3 occasions where condom use has not been optimum all in the same weekend.

I have recently to my horror discovered that I am pregnant, POAS because I feel like crap and it felt like HG not expecting it to be the case but these things happen. Due to the amount of children I have one being tiny the nature of the relationship with my sexual partner and a quite serious history of HG and SPD(all but 1 previous pregnancy) I have booked in to have a TOP on Tuesday.

I'm quite comfortable with my decision and in general tend to be quite matter of fact about things.

My closest friend has gone very weird on me I declined an invitation for Tuesday from her and disclosed why. Ever since she has been upset because I'm not being sad enough she feels I'm being flippant about human life and not respectful.

I'm not entirely sure what she means by this and she has tried to be sympathetic not that it is needed but has mentioned this on a few occasions.

So am I meant to be sad and stuff or is it acceptable to feel positive towards the decision?

The embryo/foetus/baby, according to stage of development is part of the mother up until the moment of birth, do I don't see it as being a separate life while it is in utero. It was part of my life and it was for me to decide what happened to it.

OP threads about abortion never go well (speaking from bitter experience )

Of course it's fine for you to feel how you feel about your decision. And it's fine for others to feel sad about theirs.

I'm assuming your friend is anti choice. Or one of those people who think 'you should be allowed an abortion but you must feel sad about it!'.

I'm assuming she's never had one herself? It's impossible to know how you would react until it happens to you.

She's not unreasonable to hold her views about human life vs cells etc but she's being very unreasonable voicing these to you at this time. If she's a good friend she should be supporting you regardless (or admitting she needs to back away as said upthread) if she's not a particularly close friend she should mind her own business.

Good luck I wish you good health

No, she cannot unknown about your decision and you cannot unknown about her reaction to it.
So you both need to see whether you can see past your differences here.
Or whether you cannot which would of course be a sad loss of a friendship.

The abortion narrative is such a good term and really describes what's happening here perfectly: in the friends opinion it's ok for Op to terminate an unwanted pregnancy, as long as that decision is accompanied by weeping and wailing as abortion can't be seen as a positive choice, ever.

OP I hope there's someone else you can confide in. I'd avoid your friend right now, but hopefully this is something you can discuss with her at a later date. Sometimes it takes a rl event to make us examine our unconscious prejudices, iyswim.

Oh, these discussion about 'life' and when life starts - everybody has a different opinion on this which is what informs our likely choices for ourselves IMO.

I am not vegetarian, I know that my food choices kill animals which are often kept in horrible conditions. Yet I can live with that.

I have never had to make the choice whether to terminate or continue an unwanted pregnancy so what do I know how I'd feel about it?
What I do know is that I absolutely support any woman to make that choice for herself and her life. Just don't impose your views on me

I totally agree that the OP's life is what is important here.

Annunziata this is not the place for your aggressively emotive bollocks.

That's your opinion and I think you should butt the hell out. The law says abortion is NOT killing a child. Many, many people don't believe it is killing a child. Take your moral judgement and get out of the thread. If you think you know better than the law, go ahead and feel smug about it. But you don't.

Aren't you due at a SPUC meeting?

Was that directed at me annunziata?
If so, yes I'll reiterate it now - I had an abortion, killed my child if you prefer, and woke up smiling.
I really hope that upsets you

You sound very sensible and responsible, OP. I hope it all goes well for you. Your friend's a big of a judgemental moo.

I'm with your friend I'm afraid and it's an emotional response that would be really hard to switch off and I think I would not see the friend, ie you, for a week in order to not keep haranguing you about why you aren't more upset. I'd understand if I were de-friended but I can only see abortion as a very sad thing, whether it was the best thing to do or not.

is it possible your friend had a termination and is projecting her feelings and sadness on to you?

FFS, stop being nasty to Annunziata!

We all know that her position is not at all uncommon and supported powerfully by various institutions.
It's not my position (at all) and it needs challenging, but there is no need to make it 'personal' (on an anonymous internet forum).

I agree re the termination 'narrative': having a termination may be ok IF you are upset about it

I have had 5 miscarriages - no terminations - I would totally and utterly NOT be in the slightest bit bothered at the idea that 'it's not a life'

it's not - I grieved for the babies I could have had - I didn't consider they had died or that they where alive

I hate it when people use women like me to illustrate their anti choice ideas

I had one to terminate a pregnancy which was the result of a rape.

That said, I don't tell people I had it, I don't tell people I was raped.

It's the ops choice to share her feelings with her friends, it's the friends choice how to react to it. Fully agree with the above posted who suggested the best response from the friend would have been to bow out.

I wouldn't knowingly discuss my abortion with friends who I know have fertility issues or strong feelings on the subject but you don't always know what other people are going through behind closed doors.

Good luck op

How can you say something like that? How? That is the most horrifying thing I've ever read.

Really? You probably need to read a bit wider then!!

It's just never going to be completely straightforward. I do not feel completely comfortable with abortion. Despite having had one. It is often for the best - but it's better to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

My case is unusual, as I thought I wanted a baby then really didn't. For instance I know I could not work at an abortion clinic. I think if I was a doctor yeah right I would struggle to perform an abortion.

I STILL think you can feel how you feel.

Maybe your friend is slightly shocked, because it is culturally ingrained in us all that we are supposed to feel distressed after an abortion. The most common response you'll hear from anyone who discusses it openly is that they regret it, think about it all the time, blah, blah. I am certain that the large majority of women feel nothing but relief, but it's one of those things you're not supposed to actually say. I hope that changes, perhaps then fewer women will be frightened into keeping an unwanted pregnancy because they are convinced an abortion will haunt them for life, when it's just a simple medical procedure.

I hope it all goes smoothly OP

IdontusuallyNC. Are you sure she's 'judging' you for not being sad and isn't just worried that are you are in fact ok with it? Your last pregnancy/birth sounds horrific and so she knows this is the best decision for you, but maybe she thinks you aren't as calm about it as you seem. Maybe she's worried because despite being very close and telling each other all sorts, you've really only told her this in passing because she wanted to make plans for Tuesday. I think sometimes we feel judged, when actually we are being cared about.

Nothing wrong with my comprehension thanks Jessy. Nor am I making things up or a judgemental prick thanks SukieTuesday.

Sorry should be "more widely"

You woke up one day not wanting to be pregnant.

You did a test.

It was positive.

You still didn't want to be pregnant.

So you are making it so that you are not pregnant.

Seems perfectly sensible to me.