In not being all humble and respectful and all that.(abortion related)

[IdontusuallyNC]

I have had the contraceptive injection twice now obviously I had it done on time and followed all instructions given to me I also usually use condoms I have 3 occasions where condom use has not been optimum all in the same weekend.

I have recently to my horror discovered that I am pregnant, POAS because I feel like crap and it felt like HG not expecting it to be the case but these things happen. Due to the amount of children I have one being tiny the nature of the relationship with my sexual partner and a quite serious history of HG and SPD(all but 1 previous pregnancy) I have booked in to have a TOP on Tuesday.

I'm quite comfortable with my decision and in general tend to be quite matter of fact about things.

My closest friend has gone very weird on me I declined an invitation for Tuesday from her and disclosed why. Ever since she has been upset because I'm not being sad enough she feels I'm being flippant about human life and not respectful.

I'm not entirely sure what she means by this and she has tried to be sympathetic not that it is needed but has mentioned this on a few occasions.

So am I meant to be sad and stuff or is it acceptable to feel positive towards the decision?

No worries, Gallic. I quite like that it looks at the issue in the round and doesn't create a false distinction between foetuses that are being terminated and foetuses that are expected/hoped to be carried to term, and also looks at what happens during birth.

No I have had no contact from my friend but then again I have made no attempt to contact her either

Glad to hear the HG will gradually disappear. I'm missing 4 teeth now from the first son and expecting to loose 2 more to the 2nd.

Hope you're feeling ok today.

Glad you're home and feeling ok idont take it easy and look after yourself.vi would get some advice about the ulcers and sores if they are bleeding/stopping you eating once you can. I ignored the ones I had and ended up getting an infection. I can't remember how many teeth I have lost/damaged now I lost 4 after the pregnancy I terminated (and I was only 6 weeks so 'only' vomiting for almost 3).

Your experience is very similar to mine. I found everyone very caring and concerned. My consultant told me she sees lots of women terminate a 2nd or 3rd or 4th pregnancy due to HG. I can't believe that anyone would be unfeeling or judgmental to a woman who suffered that! She also said planned HG pregnancies are so much easier to manage because you get as much support and medication in place. I hope your symptoms disappear soon.

I'd leave it a while before contacting your friend op - maybe next week, because she will probably be thinking about you right now and may be somewhat emotional. Give it time for any feelings to settle down.

Also, you may benefit from the extra time yourself - sometimes we have unexpected emotional/physical reactions some time after a medical event (I had a completely unexpected spate of intense coldness and shivering when I came home about 3 days after my first labour, and always inexplicably feel like crying during/after any gynaecological procedure). Not saying that you will necessarily but a bit of a time lapse won't hurt.

I'm glad that it all went smoothly for you. I do honestly believe that it's not a 'one choice suits all' scenario in pregnancy - different outcomes will be better for different families and it can take a lot more courage to make the less societally approved choice, so I think you've done well to remain firm in your decision.

Take care

IdontusuallyNC
I'm so, so, so glad it went well for you yesterday. I hope the dental work is as straight-forward as possible.

Mrshumptydumpty
Many people are 'pro life' in the sense that they feel life has inherent value and should be respected, even if the final outcome is the decision to abort.

Well, yes. I, myself, am a vegan because I feel life has value and that it is my duty to attempt to reduce the volume of suffering I inflict on others. Blah-di-blah, etc. But human women are of even greater value to me than cows, as they have a greater capacity to think and feel.

tevin I wish HG was better known and treated. the way some people are treated by UK doctors and health care professionals is appalling.

Where I live in the NL, the gynecologists at the local hospital (was under them the whole time, high risk preg due to age and HG) would literally you rather terminate than give you even cyclizine.

I came close to that decision but it was only because someone very wise pointed out that it would probably devastate my lovely husband so much that he couldn't live with the decision, that made me go forward. And that we'd desperately wanted a 2nd for so long.

Even so to get through the worst, I had to self-medicate with some ondansetron that some one who'd been through HG gave me :( The last fucking thing you want to be doing in pregnancy is taking a powerful drug without medical supervision I did read up a LOT and found out as much as a reasonably aware layperson can. But the lady who gave me that ondansetron was one of the three who saved our baby. (The others being the gyne who detected sepsis at 14 weeks and someone at the end of the preg).

After a while we found a more savvy doctor who prescribed some moderate stuff in between cyclizine and ondan (metoclopramide).

The UK's no better if you read the HG thread in Pregnancy. It's crazy that people are forced to terminate even much wanted pregs, usually due to lack of treatment.

Not meaning the OP here, her preg was a contraception failure and her HG would almost certainly be life-threateningly dangerous. But others are forced to it through simple lack of treatment.

I knew HG was bad but I certainly didn't know how bad it can really be, I didn't know it could be life threatening

There are some american forums for people with HG, thecow. There is a very sad RIP section in there for babies who did not survive and a few mothers who also did not survive.

Good aggressive treatment helps a lot but there are people for whom it is touch and go, even so. Their internal organs fail if you have too little hydration or nutrition for too long. Also you can do terrible damage with extreme vomitting. In some cases I think they've cut the nerve that governs vomitting - the vagus nerve I think it is - but that has other problems of its own.

Most people are not that bad, thank god, but yes quite a lot of terminations happen due to HG. It's anecdotal evidence though because as far as I'm aware no one has kept track of HG-caused terminations. It's a real pity. It'd be frankly useful to use the pro-life brigade to get the condition more generally known and treated so that people aren't left with no other feasible choice.

I wish it was too Meerka I can't imagine having to self medicate, it's scary enough (and I got judged loads for) taking prescribed medication. I said 3rd time (unplanned terminated time) that I would see if I could get through to 7 weeks and find a regime that worked as I know from experience that 8 - 20 weeks is worse for me. But by 6.5 weeks I had been in hospital 3 times (not even managing 24 hours out!) and was vomiting 70 plus times a day despite being on steroids, 4 other anti emetics (stemetil is no good for me it makes me vomit) and bed rest. It sounds unbelievable but it's true.

I found the doctors in hospital amazing but I knew more than my gp or midwife. On my 3rd pregnancy the gp basically told me to tell him what worked and he'd prescribe it. This was after 2 other gps telling me it was 'morning sickness' and to try eating toast and then reluctantly prescribing cyclizine. HG is the worst thing I can imagine and I still haven't had any pro lifer explain to me how it is reasonable that I go through that for a foetus which may or may not survive (in my case it looked as if my pregnancy wasn't progressing properly probably due to the HG). I think I've read that around 30% of HG pregnancies end in miscarriage or termination but don't quote me on that! It'd be great to have it widely recognized and treated properly as I felt that once it got to a certain severity that the medical advice was to terminate. Which is fine but obviously it can get worse each pregnancy (that's definitely my experience) so now I'm left realistically unable to have more children and yet because I'm fairly young (as is dh) unable to convince the NHS to sterilize either of us!

tevin of the three consultants I know of who are specialized and highly experienced in treating it they all say planning the preg, ensuring enough medical and practical support and early meds are vital.

I'm arguably fortunate that at 45 and with the bad record of the last preg, I'll be sterilized without argument. Hope that in the end you find someone who will listen (might the understanding consultant be more positive?).

www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/

This service is incredibly helpful and have been known to contact midwives and doctors and educate them.

Strangely enough one of the nurses I came into contact with at the clinic that did my TOP also works there.

Your quite correct it is greatly misunderstood surprisingly by most people theCow you are not alone. I'm sure we all remember the Kate Middleton threads and how,until a few posters who knew what HG was came on, flamed she was.

a few years ago I remember a thread on here a poster had HG and wanted to talk through her options and decide if she should continue with the pregnancy or not. It turned into a prolife love in afaik that poster never came back.

The vast majority of people I come into contact with inc HCP get a sort of OMG a drama queen facial expression if you try and talk about it.

A GP once sent me out of his office after giving me a telling off and calling me a silly little woman 5 days later I was in the ICU having machines doing pretty much everything my body should have been.

If just one person has read this thread and comes any closer to understanding just how serious HG can be in some cases and just how hard it can be to medically manage for some women and next time they meet a pregnant woman who has it loses that "Christ it's just MS" look or avoids talking about bastard ginger biscuits

Then it was worth risking an online pasting from pro lifers to share it.

tevin of the three consultants I know of who are specialized and highly experienced in treating it they all say planning the preg, ensuring enough medical and practical support and early meds are vital

Every single planned pregnancy I have had has resulted in significant aggressive intervention pretty much from the first BFP on a very early testing strip (so about 14 days after DTD). It's much less dangerous for me if they treat almost before it takes hold (if that makes sense) it still won't stop it but it makes it less dangerous.

PregSicknessSupport is an -amazing- organisation. Donated to them after our baby was born.

It is ridiculous that people don't take HG seriously. Doesn't everyone know that just a few days of viral vomiting can be life-threatening? Why would months of vomiting be fine, just because it's caused by pregnancy? I saw DH hospitalised and on a drip for dehydration just on account of vomiting constantly for 6 hours, despite dioralyte. I only called NHS direct in the first place because he'd started throwing up blood. I was when they told me he needed to be seen (but he'll be infectious!) and more when he ended up on a drip and they kept him in for nearly a whole day.

I had rather bad prefnancy-associated vomiting myself, although it was never serious enough to be HG levels. Nevertheless, it affected my teeth, and seems to have permanently affected me. I never dry-retch now. If I feel sick, I have to get to something immediately, because that dry-retching-as-you-run-to-the-toilet stage just doesn't exist for me any more. I get only a couple of moments' warning, if that, and then everything comes up. It sounds petty, but it's inconvenient. If I smell something bad, I can be on the floor, projectile vomiting everything I've eaten within 30 seconds. Last week, I felt absolutely fine, and then I stooped to pick something off the floor. My mouth just suddenly filled with a gush of vomit, just from that.

I am terrified that next pregnancy, it will escalate to actual HG.

QueenTilly.

That's quite usual after bad bouts of MS or HG. I can no longer lean forward not even slightly after eating without puking without warning.

I don't have much feeling of the sensation left in my esophagus (if that makes sense) so I don't even get that advance warning.

It sounds quite likely that you may well have HG next time as many women say it gets worse each time (many don't but being prepared is wise) can I strongly suggest that at the time you plan for pregnancy you also plan for HG.

Contact the service I linked to before conception and don't be British about it all get help as soon as you can

I've just had a look at that site and honestly, I wish I'd found it five years ago, simply because it would have made me feel less alone with some symptoms. The bit about vomiting in response to bright lights, for example. I watched the London NYE firework display on TV and had to welcome the new year in from the bathroom. I did feel very pathetic that night!

Thank you.

I've been referred twice now Meerka but I've not got anywhere. I'm hopeful though, I've been cooperative with trying the coil again, despitevit failing before (hormona methods being out which I understand is quite common for women who suffer HG) and it's causing a few problems. My gp did say if we can't solve them then it's sterilization.

Getting early aggressive meds is the part I struggled with idont. 1st pregnancy I had no idea it was HG and no one told me the amount I we vomiting was unusual until I collapsed and ended up in hospital. 2nd time I knew I was ill fought for something and ended up being offered stemetil which it turns out I'm allergic to! I had a combination of anti emetics but the gp would only give me 2 weeks worth at a time meaning I kept ending up in hospital as I found once I vomit once I can't keep anything down. 3rd time I went to gp as soon as I suspected and asked for what I know works saying it's get it under control or terminate. Obvious how that went

I found people so patronising, almost as if a condition being caused by pregnancy means it's not real. The amount of people who told me I was pregnant not sick, or that they wouldn't take anything other than paracetamol was astounding. My dsis had a similar experience with spd/pgp.

I would love to see pregnancy related problems taken much more seriously and not brushed off as 'just get through each day' and women listened to and respected when they ask for support or to terminate a pregnancy. Not chastised for being weak or overdramatic when ill or as morally corrupt and unnatural for wanting a termination or for not feeling devastated and guilty for life if they do have a termination. I really struggle to see how anyone who cares about women can want to minimise their suffering during pregnancy or want them to risk their lives/mental health/financial stability/ability to care for their existing children or think it's right that women should feel guilty and ashamed for having a termination.

In my opinion ALL pregnancies should be manageable (i won't say enjoyable!) and wanted. If it's not wanted then a woman should be able to end it without guilt or shame. Anyone judging can't be pro women.

That's a huge problem with tablet form meds it's insane really because most of them are available as injections.

Apparently the vaginal ring can be very useful for women who have issues with some types of hormonal contraception. Obviously I don't know if its based on any study but it has been recommended to me as an option really worth trying by the BPAS

How are you feeling today Idont?

Strangely excited by knowing my dentist has 2 available hours this afternoon. And if I'm perfectly honest an astounding level of relief as I can feel symptoms lessening so I can stop freaking about knowing that I picked the right people to look after my kids when I die and all that stuff

Glad to hear you are feeling some relief from the symptoms already idont. I hope your dental treatment is simple and quick.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well idont.

And thanks for highlighting the issues around HG. I knew it was extremely serious but I had no idea it could also be life threatening in some cases.

I'm very glad I started the thread and I have been overwhelmed in a nice supportive way by kindness and understanding. It's not pleasant being unwell but a bit of support really helps.

Enormouse I really hope all goes well for you and you don't have much of a wait