For the first time in forever I am angry. And DH thinks iabu

[Homemadewhine]

I should tell you at we have been married for 9 years, have a 7yr old dd, and a 2 yr old ds. We rarely argue. I do most things around the home, and am even tempered. I also control the issues in our family, be they children's tantrums, knowing when ds needs to use the potty, sorting out dinner etc. DH is a lovely husband and father.

Today we were coming back from an afternoon out, and on the way back through town we needed to stop off whilst DH first posted a parcel, and then at a chemist for me to pick up a prescription for my gran who is staying with us for a few weeks.

We stopped in the carpark of the chemist, I nipped in to pick up the prescription, and when I came out DH and the car (and children) were gone. I had no coat, it was raining, and it's about 15 minutes walk to home. No one had indicated that they were going anywhere.

I walked around the carpark and looked behind buildings in case they were playing a joke on me, then started my walk home. About 300m from home dh pulled up. I told him I was upset and didn't want to get in the car with him.

The children were shouting to me out of the window and I skied and waved at them. DH kerb crawled beside me until we got home saying things to the children like "mummy's REALLY angry this time you can tell by her walk, and the way she swings her arms" dd was shouting at me to "stop being silly and just get in"

Dd then got out of the car and shouted at me, telling me I was silly to care about being left, that I was an adult and could get home so what was the problem. When I told her I was upset she told me that we didn't want me to be her mummy any more. I admit to losing my cool at this point and telling her to leave me alone. I didn't shout this, but I did say it loudly and firmly. DH then tried to get me to engage in what we were sorting everyone outfor tea. I got it all out of the freezer and said I was going upstairs.

Dd was upset with me being angry at DH, and still cannot understand why I am upset, she cannot stop crying and DH did nothing to comfort her.

I have calmed her down, and brought her down for dinner as DH felt it was my issue to resolve. I was annoyed at this too, as at 7 dd should really understand that her words have an effect, and she cannot say upsetting things to people when they are already upset, and then expect that person to be there for them when they need them.

DH still feels I am being unreasonable. He has apologised reluctantly. I am surprisingly tearful over this.

I feel as though I give all of myself to others, make agoodjob of communicating my thoughts, intentions and feelings and am completely abandoned by my family because they fancied doing something better.

Aibu? I am able to take criticism, like I say I am rarely upset or emotional about things.

[Humansatnav]

Why the fuck did he drive off?

[Jazzhandsrule]

You haven't explained what actually happened to him. Was it a joke or did he make a mistake? This would determine whether YABU or not.

[BrucieTheShark]

x-posts times a million

[tumbletumble]

YANBU at all. I assume your DH was trying to be funny and is cross that you didn't 'get' his joke. But he needs to accept that he upset you, and take responsibility for that.

[AlpacaStockingOnChristmasEve]

I wouldn't have bothered getting in the car for just 300meters either.

[3littlebadgers]

YANBU I would be less than pleased too. Fair enough if they had called you to ask if you mind they pop somewhere, but to just leave without a word then act like you were being unreasonable is not on. I also think dd is old enough to grasp that her words and actions can and do effect other people. So where did they go?

[DuelingFanjo]

So he went to the car wash thinking you would be a while? Did he explain that to you when he finally found you?

If so then I think you HAVE over-reacted unless this is something he does a lot and you have asked him not to do.

Doesn't sound like he meant it as a joke nor in a harmful way.

[Homemadewhine]

Thing is, if it were a joke and he was hiding, or even doing what your ex did cakeandwine, I'd probably have found the funny side. We have a good relationship normally, and do joke around. This wasn't awoke, they just (in DD's words) 'didn't get back in time'

[Violetta999]

Actually having read that he nipped off to wash the car, I don't think its that bigger crime. He wasn't playing a joke and he had no way of communicating with you. You really should have had your phone on you

[TidyDancer]

That would piss me off BIG TIME. Yanbu at all. Why on earth would he think that was acceptable? I would expect a genuine apology before things are put right.

Where had your DH gone?

[Humansatnav]

Xpost- Hes still a wankbadger though- I would be furious if dh did this to me - but he wouldn't do such a stupid thing.
He should be apologising to you and dd.

[Violetta999]

Swings and roundabouts. It sounds like you over reacted

[LadyLuck10]

Cumbit yes really!
Do you think seeing the dd visibly upset and not understanding what's going on was helped by the op acting like a child and not getting in the car.
She told him she will have to wait for it, so maybe she took a while and he decided at that moment to get the car washed.

[TidyDancer]

X-post. He's a bit of a twat isn't he?

[Violetta999]

He probably assumed that he could get the car washed faster then you could get the prescription but the timings were wrong. No big deal

[tumbletumble]

OK it does make more sense now. I thought he'd just done it for a joke.

I think you are over reacting a little, but I think maybe you have reached the end of your tether and this was the last straw in some way? Has it been a stressful Christmas for you?

[Hissy]

I can't believe your 7yo knew how to speak to you like that, where has she heard that kind of communication? i'd have calmed myself down THEN told her how her words were inappropriate and hurtful and that she should think about how she'd feel in the situation where someone played a trick on her and then made here feel bad.

as for your H he's an idiot and i'd be holding out for a better apology than a begrudged one. he sounds mean. :(

maybe that's what's driving your dd to such behaviour?

[Violetta999]

Also it's good for a child to see adults work through a minor disagreement and then make it up

[Humansatnav]

Kerb crawling the op and winding dd up is nasty behavior .

[arethereanyleftatall]

Goodness he didn't do anytging that bad did he? Complete over reaction from you and most of the posters IMO.

[TidyDancer]

Btw I would be more pissed off about your DH's kerb crawling and deliberately involving your DD in his baiting you. He was very definitely in the wrong all round though.

[LadyLuck10]

I think the op not getting in the car was what was winding the dd up and very childish.

[3littlebadgers]

They were parked outside the chemist, they could have nipped in and said "while we're waiting, we'll pop to the car wash!". I think it was very inconsiderate, unless the op is a mind reader.

[UptheChimney]

Your husband was being an utter bastard.

YAdeffoNBU. He, on the other hand ... well, his behaviour was just plain low & nasty.

Reading about his behaviour towards you makes me wonder if there's some issue festering underneath that he's not articulated or talked to you about, but it's made him take it out on you -- whatever "it" is that he's festering over.

[Hissy]

x-post - not a joke, but bloody stupid, he should have said!