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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 2 hours is far too long to eat a small bowl off porridge?

137 replies

Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 10:41

We have DSD (5) staying. At times her behaviour is a challenge (all with all 5 yr olds) but she has hardly eaten a thing all the while she's been here.

She's still sat nursing a bowl of porridge on her lap now complaining that its now 'too cold' 'has hairs in' and 'I want coco pops.'

She has always been quite a fussy water but then I know that her mum and even my DP didn't have the best diets when she was small. DP says that they are a lot of takeaway food as his ex wasnt too keen on cooking.

I always make an effort to make everything from scratch. I grow my own veggies to save money and have always put veg on DSDs plate. My own DD (17 months) eats fruit and veg like its going out of fashion.

I always try an encourage DSD to et healthily. I've tried making a hedgehog out of a mango, fruit pizzas, she helps me cook tea every night but she still won't eat anything.

She started school in September an I thought that her eating habits would improve but to no avail.

Her teeth are rotting really badly and when we pick her up from her mums she always has a bottle of coke or fanta with her.

Struggling for ideas she will happily eat crisps, chocolate, chips etc but IMO they should be occasional treats not the norm.
She's quite overweight already and I know that kids are all so different and varying at this age but I just worry about her.

Any ideas? Thanks in advance

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 03/01/2015 10:43

give her a Biscuit

Cabbagesaregreen · 03/01/2015 10:46

Oh dear, poor thing. Not sure what you can do. Can her dad and mum not have a conversation about it? Could they meet with a health visitor to discuss how to change things ? Not sure what you can do when neither parent is doing anything.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/01/2015 10:47

aw that sounds awful :(

sounds like you have tried plenty and sadly I'm not sure how effective things are going to be when she's at her mum's alot of the Time. tbh if she going home hungry she's going to be eating far more than she would normally.

perhaps try to make what she does eat buy in a healthier way and suitable portions?

like home made wedges with minimal. oil. pizza with hidden veg tomato sauce base and perhaps and not to much cheese.

If she likes take away make your own breaded fish etc.

although I'm. Sure you have thought of that already.

Artandco · 03/01/2015 10:48

I think porridge is hard to like if never eaten. Mine have eaten since weaned so love it, but I could see how some won't if they haven't eaten for 5 years

I would start but giving similar foods as a half way mark. So at home maybe she eats fishfingers and chips, so try offending homemade potato wedges and homemade breaded fish/ or just regular fish.

Maybe something like poached egg on toast she would prefer for breakfast?

Icimoi · 03/01/2015 10:49

Can your DH not exercise more control on this? In the final analysis he could ask for custody as his ex is neglecting dsd's health.

drinkyourmilk · 03/01/2015 10:50

I'd compromise on the food. Toast and honey or Nutella or quality jam for breakfast?

Mammanat222 · 03/01/2015 10:50

Pitta bread pizza? Fruit dipped in a little chocolate? sweet potato chips?

Can you OH take her to a dentist when you have her?

Original poster
Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 10:52

Thanks everyone. This is most of the problem. We can't be consistent with her as we know that he mother doesn't feed her particularly well.

I ask her what she would like for tea every night and its generally 'Chinese' 'fish an chips' etc.

If there is the slightest hint tht something is good for her then she won't eat it!

OP posts:
MinnieM1 · 03/01/2015 10:54

Porridge is hard, my kids have ate it from being weaned and the eldest still bitches & moans when I make it (although he does eat it...eventually!)
If she normally eats things like coco pops I would offer a non sugary alternative like corn flakes or shredded wheat, then it's still cereal but better, or weetabix (everyone loves weetabix don't they?) will she eat toast?
If you don't have her all the time then I'm afraid there's not a whole lot you can do, she's conditioned to like sugar & junk and you're not gonna change that in one bowl of porridge

juliascurr · 03/01/2015 10:55

the teeth problem is likely lack of cleaning
ask her what she likes to eat, then adapt round that
lots of kids (inc mine) won't eat porridge but will eat ready brek (esp with hot choc powder sprinkled on it)

Original poster
Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 11:00

I've tried her with eggs scrambled, omelettes, poached, boiled etc and she just turns her nose up at them. DP thinks that she's just a normal kid and that our other DD is an 'odd ball' because she likes fruit and veg.

He's also gotten into this awful habit of making her something else if she doesn't like what ive prepared which she then doesn't eat either. She's always had her own way probably because her parents split when she was so young

OP posts:
Original poster
Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 11:02

We brush her teeth twice a day when she's here. Her mum didn't used to clean them because DSD 'didn't like it' we used to have to hold her down so that we could brush them for her. She will happily let us do it now.

OP posts:
Jinglebells99 · 03/01/2015 11:02

Porridge after two hours would be disgusting. I hope you are not insisting she eats it as that would be cruel. How about a banana, fruit, toast, fruit loaf, cereal? Ready break is more palpable although I doubt my children would eat it. And help her clean her teeth with an electric tooth brush. Is she going to the dentist?

fatlazymummy · 03/01/2015 11:03

The citric acid in fizzy drinks erodes teeth. My adult son has recently lost a tooth due to his diet coke addiction (nothing to do with me, he rarely had coke when he was a child). His dentist said this was the cause, he has good dental hygiene.

Original poster
Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 11:06

jinglebells I always give her a time limit of half an hour and if she hasn't eaten it then it gets taken away but DP overrides me and tells me I need to give her the chance to eat it. I agree porridge after 2 hours would be discusting. She won't eat bananas or cornflake or weetabix. She is honestly the fussiest eater I think ive ever encountered.

I think it all stems from her having so much choice from an early age

OP posts:
imjustahead · 03/01/2015 11:10

if she isn't used to textures and a variation then porridge isn't very nice to give in the first place.
loads of much nicer yet healthy cereals to try.

my dd is very hard to feed, extremely sensitive to change and to textures. some kids just are and you're only going by what your dc likes.

hbr1989 · 03/01/2015 11:12

I would say stick to your guns. If she doesn't want whats on offer don't make her anything else. Only allow fruit to be eaten up until the next meal. I understand that the food that you serve is different to what she is familiar with but accommodating her fussiness will prolong it. Does she sit at the table to eat? My dd is a fussy slow eater. If she has not eaten a sufficient amount in 45 minutes she is left in the kitchen by herself to finish. She soon quickens up when she realises no one is watching

Original poster
Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 11:15

I'm not only going by what my DD likes. She has ALWAYS been fed a very healthy diet with different foods and textures. DSD used to eat porridge when she was younger but as she's gotten older shes got fussier and fussier.

In think it basically boils down to the fact that her mother can't be particularly arsed to cook and gives DSD sweets and crisps to shut her up and distract from her challenging behaviour

OP posts:
Original poster
Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 11:16

Yes we all sit at the kitchen table for every meal

OP posts:
Pilgit · 03/01/2015 11:19

Not a lot you can do. Making a thing about it will only result in her getting even more beligerent about it. She is 5 - encourage good oral hygiene - she should be brusing her own teeth by now and that she can do at home.

OH and don't be smug about your 17 month old - my dd5 used to eat virtually everything but she turned 3 and got fussy. Their taste buds change and they all go through a fussy stage (to a greater or lesser extent). School makes it worse. They come through it. My dd2 eats virtually everything (except fruit at the moment) but I am expecting this to pass and have the fussy years.....

MyOneandYoni · 03/01/2015 11:21

Give the poor little mite some coco pops. She won't die of a sugar rush and the porridge seems a criticism of her mother's lifestyle choices.
It's not her fault her parents split up. Give her a bit of familiarity.

MyOneandYoni · 03/01/2015 11:22

Oh, and by the way, YES, you are the better parent with your home grown veggies, and YES her mother is feckless and stupid for feeding her coco pops but two hours with a bowl of mush in front of her ain't gonna change that right now.
Pick your battles.

PandasRock · 03/01/2015 11:23

It sounds as though your dsd has some very extreme food issues.

This is not necessarily as a result of her having 'too many choices' when younger.

I have 3 dc. All had the same put in from of them, but all very different eaters. There is a big difference between fussiness and the kind of extreme stuff you are citing. Please don't view it as 'just' fussiness.

You also mention challenging behaviours.

All in all, this doesn't sound to me (but what do I know, I'm just an internet sprite) as though it is something the dsd is choosing to do, or has control over. If she finds textures and tastes challenging, then she does, and carrying on ignoring this and serving up the same old 'good' foods that she is not going to eat is not helping her at all.

Start from what she will eat! and slowly (very, very slowly) change that to a healthier version, or add in something healthier alongside. Is will take a long time. There is no quick fix.

Original poster
Smileybutstressed · 03/01/2015 11:23

I'm not being smug I'm just saying that I've brought her up with a good healthy attitude to eating food and I'm hoping that she will continue that way. I won't fanny round her she already knows that if she doesn't eat what's on the plate in front of her then she won't be getting anything else.

DSD has been pandered to, never particularly been shown the way with regards to eating healthily and is a very fussy eater. She has never eaten fruit and veg. Even as a toddler younger than my own DD

OP posts:
breakingthebank · 03/01/2015 11:23

By the sound of it, the problem is not only with her mother, it is with her father so you're fighting losing battle. Is he happy for her to eat chips and drink Coke on a daily basis?