To think that 2 hours is far too long to eat a small bowl off porridge?

[Smileybutstressed]

We have DSD (5) staying. At times her behaviour is a challenge (all with all 5 yr olds) but she has hardly eaten a thing all the while she's been here.

She's still sat nursing a bowl of porridge on her lap now complaining that its now 'too cold' 'has hairs in' and 'I want coco pops.'

She has always been quite a fussy water but then I know that her mum and even my DP didn't have the best diets when she was small. DP says that they are a lot of takeaway food as his ex wasnt too keen on cooking.

I always make an effort to make everything from scratch. I grow my own veggies to save money and have always put veg on DSDs plate. My own DD (17 months) eats fruit and veg like its going out of fashion.

I always try an encourage DSD to et healthily. I've tried making a hedgehog out of a mango, fruit pizzas, she helps me cook tea every night but she still won't eat anything.

She started school in September an I thought that her eating habits would improve but to no avail.

Her teeth are rotting really badly and when we pick her up from her mums she always has a bottle of coke or fanta with her.

Struggling for ideas she will happily eat crisps, chocolate, chips etc but IMO they should be occasional treats not the norm.
She's quite overweight already and I know that kids are all so different and varying at this age but I just worry about her.

Any ideas? Thanks in advance

Also, if you were to create a new post asking for ideas on how wean DSD from her diet of heavily processed food, you would get lots of other ideas.
AIBU will have most responses, most people try to be helpful, if you are up to posting here again...

I think you're likely doing a great job in difficult circumstances Smikey. What I don't understand is how you can be successful when you and your DH have fundamentally different approaches never mind the approach of the child's mother as well. I think you DH needs to step up and take some responsibility for his daughters health

I think you need to compromise when she is staying. My step children where the same, they are now grown up and eldest has lost most of his teeth because his mother gave him coke everyday, he used to refuse to drink at our house, sometimes we just let him have one can of coke but most the time we offered water or squash ( he would refuse ), the only meal he would eat was fish fingers and mash and about once a month would eat a roast dinner without veg. We used to make pizza together, I don't understand what you mean by 'healthy pizza toppings' as we just kept it basic, tomato is good, cheese is good ? You can make chips without frying potatoes ( spray wedges of potatoes in olive oil, you only need a nine amount, I use fry lite ). I would let her chose what she has for breakfast but dish her up one meal a day that is your choice ( whatever you are eating), if she doesn't eat it she won't starve, maybe offer a small tear if she eats the meal ( ice cream, a biscuit )?

It's not worth arguing with her about or she won't want to stay.

Please read thymeout's post carefully. I think he/she is talking a lot of sense.

In the meantime I would probably allow her to have coco pops and address her diet very gradually. A spoonful of Nutella in porridge is very yummy too!

Ps as others have said 5 seems to be a prime age for going off things. DD2's diet has suddenly narrowed quite dramatically. We are trying not to make a big thing out of it and hopefully it will soon pass.

why not treat her to a mini chocolate fountain? buy some cocktail sticks and have fun with strawberries on sticks or something?

Definitely look for healthy foods that have bits of chocolate in them - cereal bars, yoghurts, chocolate milk, chocolate dips with carrot sticks, nutella spread on toast.

Also you can make diet coke chicken (lots of recipes that have diet coke as part of it) so if she likes coke, you could introduce healthy meals that way too.

Definitely let her get involved in meal making.

OK, haven't read the thread, just diving in.

Her diet sounds awful but quite honestly it's not your place to make a huge fuss about it. Worry about what you feed your own DD and don't get too smug - just because she eats all the veg you put in front of her now doesn't mean she always will. But expect your DD's tastes to change over the next two or three years as she becomes more in control of her own decisions and starts to assert herself a bit more.

And I'm sorry but your post does come across as a bit smug and self-righteous, it's all spoilt, fussy DSD and her useless lazy skank of a mother versus your perfect DD and her perfect eating habits because you've worked hard to set her her perfect examples…..

We all feel a bit like that about other people's children sometimes but unless you want to pick fights with her mother and make an enemy of your DSD you need to bite your tongue.

However frustrating you find this you need to just back off a bit. It's up to your partner to encourage her to eat better and if her teeth fall out and she becomes obese it's her parents' fault/problem/responsibility, not yours.

If she's used living on eating coco pops and oven chips and Fanta etc then something like a bowl of porridge with very little sugar is going to be quite an alien, unpleasant experience for her texturally and taste-wise. It's not a battle worth fighting, no-one will thank you for it, least of all your DSD and do you really want her to be terrified and resentful of you just to prove your point? She will become very uncomfortable around you if you persist in making mealtimes a battleground. Don't totally pander to her demands, but do meet her halfway with food you know she likes, maybe compromise so that she doesn't get the coco pops but she gets some palatable (by her standards, not yours) but slightly less junky cereal, or some toast and Nutella.

Put some easy, non-challenging fruit and veg on the side of meals that you know she likes, and if she leaves it then just clear her plate without a fuss, but make sure that she knows there are no puddings, sweets, chocolates or crisps as a substitute for proper meals.

But please don't make it your mission to humiliate her into eating how you think she should. Jus try to imagine how you would feel if someone else was doing that to your daughter.

I've only read a bit of the thread but this did make me laugh in the OP

DP says that they ate a lot of takeaway food as his ex wasnt too keen on cooking.

Did he not cook then?

That made me scoff too worra

Pun absolutely intended.

Just a thought OP, you say DSD's teeth are rotting, this might be part of the problem. My DS had just had 5 teeth out (at 2.5 ) as he had no enamel on them and they chipped away and eventually abscessed. He would only have a single bite of anything, and then refuse. So fussy thinks me...

Turns out they had been hurting for such a long time that he didn't know they weren't meant to hurt, and since they've gone his food intake has increased massively.

Is there any way you can get your DP to get her seen at the dentist? It's such a shock to be told teeth have to go, but it might be a wake up call for your DP at least?

And if DSD isn't in pain (easy Chinese all mushy doesn't need chewing much, ditto chocolate), she might try new 'difficult' or 'hard' foods a bit more.

I do feel for you, and you are getting a bit of a bashing here.

This girl's problems are about love, not about food. It's not her fault Daddy lives in a different house to Mummy and his new girlfriend eats funny food.

Stop blaming the girl, she needs support and love and kindness because her world has been torn apart, not criticism from you and punishments from her father.

He is punishing his daughter because he, and you are unhappy about her mother's parenting/food habits. It might even be possible that he is doing this to please you? Perhaps he thinks that he has to prove something to you by forcing the healthy eating issue on his daughter?

If your mother weighs 7st and ony eats Ryvita you really do need to take stock and look at whose issue this really is.

Knitting that's a good point about the dentist. :(

I think you're talking bollocks.

Knitting and cottge I think you both make very good and sensible points. I feel very sorry for this little girl, who is still tiny at just 5yrs old. It would break my heart to think of my own dd in her dad's new family home, not eating and being unhappy.

I think the OP and the dad need to take a step back and put the child squarely in the centre and accept that it may take a long long time for the eating habits to change but what the little girls needs is familiarity and love.

For what it is worth, I am an excellent cook with a lot of experience and training and 99% of the time I cook nutritious healthy food which my 9yrs old dd as had since weaning and yet still her preference would be for 'junk' if allowed - pizza etc and she is very very fussy despite being exposed to a very varied diet. I know for a fact (as it has happened) if she was staying in someone else's house the liklihood would be that she would eat nothing or very little whilst there. Even things she 'likes' at home such as pasta - as it tastes 'funny' to her when someone else makes it. Same goes for eating out. It is not badness on her behalf, it is just how she is.

I really feel sad for that little 5 yr old.

op for what its worth i think you are getting a hard time. I brought up my 2 boys to eat lots of different foods, most of it was healthy stuff although not always. They developed an unfussy attitude to food but there were some things they would noy like. I don't know if it was the way we did it or if we were just lucky but food was never an issue in our house. we never really did cakes and sweets and 'junk' food except on birthdays and holidays. Ds's had friends who came round who often turned their noses up at the food i cooked for them even when it was stuff their parents said they would eat... I came to the conclusion that if it looked different to how it looked at home ( carrots in sticks not rounds ) then they would turn their noses up at it. I used to get cross but then just ened up telling parents what had been offered and what had been eaten so they knew i was not starving their poor kids I know adults who dont / wont cook often and have takeaways for ease, and lets face it some are very tasty meals even though not always the healthiest so I think you have cause for concern over your DSD however you cannot control what she eats at home, dh should perhaps be discussing her diet and health with his ex and suggesting some changes for the sake of her health. all you can do really is to persist in trying her with new foods in the hope she will find some to like. i agree with the posters who have said try familiar foods in a healthier way, keep up with the teeth thing and just keep a low key message of good food good health thing going. make sure your own DC eats good food next to her and do not offer crap alternatives if she wont eat what is on offer. give a couple of choices and be kind in offering them but tbh it sounds as if you are doing a great job in difficult circumstances.

I think you've started off with really good intentions, but you just need to think about it all form her point of view and try to introduce new foods gradually. Good luck with it!

And I'd tell your H that 2 hours infront of a bowl of cold porridge will do his little dd no good what so ever.

Hi OP, sorry I couldn't post the muffin recipe earlier, we have been out:

Makes 24 medium muffins

Bake in electric oven on 4 for 25-30mins or until done

3-4 ripe bananas beaten smooth
1-2 eggs
2-2.5 fine porridge oats
3tbsp organic soya milk
1tsp cocoa powder (Can swap for cinnamon if you'd rather or ovaltine original with milk mixed in with plain cocoa has no sweeteners)

Optional extras as DSD gets more adventurous:

Whole Earth Peanut Butter

Fruit chunks, berries

Nuts

Swap the banana for pumpkin puree and add cheese to make them savoury (Milky though)

Op, if I were you I'd ask HQ to move the thread to parenting now. As I think people are not really helping here now.

Take her shopping with you and let her choose - cereal, fruit, different breads etc. try giving her a pain au choc or croissant and let her chop up some fruit to go with it. Or a bowl of Greek yogurt with chopped fruit etc. ds used to love porridge until he was 8. If I suggest it now he turns his nose up.

Baby steps on this one I think.

I think you and your DP (and if she agrees, your DSD's mum) need to discuss and agree on a consistent approach. Then I think all of you need not to pressure your DSD.

I have a very selective eating 2.8yo. I have done all the "right" things and he still eats a very limited range of food, including no fruit or veg at all. I found the Mealtime Hostage blog and FB group really helpful in supporting me to help him widen his range. What didn't help, ever, was pressure, whether that was positive or negative. I now don't comment on what he does or doesn't eat, and he's starting to branch out and try different things occasionally.

Removing the emotion and sense of pressure around meals would probably help - your DSD will be able to sense that you don't approve of what she eats and this will make her anxious and tense. She will be more likely to try whatever you make when you're relaxed about what she eats. good luck :)

They sell little mini chocolate fondue sets in HomeBargsins for a fiver. Dip pieces of fruit in the melted choccy. I feel sorry for the wee girl really.

I forgot to add - in the nicest possible way, have some sympathy for your DSD, who may well want to eat like the rest of your family but feel unable to for whatever reason. Rather than let her sit in front of a breakfast she hates and feels she can't stomach, letting it get cold and even less edible, (who would want that?) why not offer her a choice of breakfasts which have some nutritional value - maybe something like toast and peanut butter? If you talk this through with your DP, you will find a way forward to enable your DSD to succeed at mealtime and gradually branch out :)

Does your dsd go to nursery/reception? What do they do for meal times? Is it worth you and your dh speaking to them and get their input, or seeking help with a dietician?

Perhaps they can speak to dsd mum about her oral hygiene too?

OP your DSD has had a lot of stress and change in her short life. Your DP and his ex must have split early in DSD's life, then you became part of her life followed by her half-sister.
Do you think she is using the only weapon she has - fussy eating to try and gain attention? I'm sure you do give her lots of positive attention but it does sound as though she isn't feeling secure.
You ensure your DD has a well balanced healthy diet but DSD's mother doesn't so your food offerings may confuse her. She is used to high sugar and fat choices and she will struggle with healthy food especially if she only comes to you say every other weekend.
Her father needs to put on a united front with you for the sake of both his daughters.
A trip to the dentist sounds necessary, also worth speak to your health visitor re the weight issue. Her father may also have to involve child services.

Can you make your own fish and chips and then just wrap it in paper and get your do to carry it past her saying its from the chippy?

Same as Chinese make a chow mein shove it in a Tupperware pot and dish it out

Maybe she'll think it's from the takeaway and eat it?