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AIBU?

To think that a 12year old doing this is wrong?

226 replies

disneymum3 · 02/01/2015 22:00

Today I found out that my 12 year old niece is sexually active with her boyfriend. I know that her mum (my sister in law) knows what she is doing, and hasn't said anything to her / isn't bothered.
I feel that this is wrong and she shouldn't be doing this sort of thing at the age of 12. The thing is I don't know what to do.
Any advice on this will be greatly received TIA.

OP posts:

Report

Jodie1982 · 02/01/2015 23:21

WTF!? Is this for real!? I have a 12yr old daughter ffs, this has made me feel sick!
It needs reporting ASAP!!

Chipsahoythere · 02/01/2015 23:22

It's not statutory rape, it is just rape, as the child is under 13 and therefore cannot consent. The law is very clear on this.

OP you must contact SS as 12 year olds need protecting.

RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 23:23

Sorry yes you're right I'm.wrong! Too tired! It's just common parlance to refer to underage sex as statutory rape but not a legal term

GraysAnalogy · 02/01/2015 23:25

Ah yes I understand roasting just wanted to double check. Thanks!

Cabbagesaregreen · 02/01/2015 23:26

Think the point of the word. "Statutory" is to emphasise it's always rape at this age rather than legal term in court. 12 years old can't consent.

Fiftyplusmum · 02/01/2015 23:27

I am very sad to hear that there are families where the mother knows her young child is sexually active and even provides her with condoms.

BastardGoDarkly · 02/01/2015 23:28

12?! :(

Cabrinha · 02/01/2015 23:29

And your husband hasn't spoken to his brother, the girl's father because...?

Bulbasaur · 02/01/2015 23:35

12 and 14 are both far too young.

But SS needs to come down hard on the mother for not only condoning it, but helping her daughter out with it by buying her condoms. The mother could be charged with sexual abuse for encouraging sexual activity.

If I found out my 12 year old DD was having sex, I'd have kittens.

306235388 · 02/01/2015 23:39

Cabrinha - it's her husbands sister

Cabrinha · 02/01/2015 23:42

Ah thanks, lotsofnumbers

I do with we could have different terms in English for different IL relationships! I think some aboriginal languages do.

Sounds like father is totally absent then

disneymum3 · 02/01/2015 23:45

Yes cabrinha, the older 3's dad doesn't care and hasn't been involved for the last 9years. And the youngest' s dad isn't allowed to see her.

OP posts:

Effic · 02/01/2015 23:45

Err...reality check here. Social services and / or the police will do NOTHING about this. In one of the many 'core group' child protection meetings I sat in on recently, the social worker actually commended the parent for ensuring her 12 y old girl was using condoms - yes you read that correctly - the mother was COMMENDED for providing condoms for her 12 year old daughter to have sex with her 17 year old boy friend. The police will do nothing as neither the victim nor her mother is asking for charges to be bought and even if they did the CPS wouldn't touch it with a barge pole as the girl is 'consenting' whatever the law may actually say. Depressing but that is the reality. I've been involved in many such cases. SS get a bit more het up if the sex is unprotected as they have targets to do with under 16s and pregnancy but they don't (can't?) try to stop the children having sex.

Sorry OP, I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. I guess you could try and talk to your niece about it - ask why she feels she needs/wants to have sex at such a young age but if her mother is condoning it - you are in an impossible position. :(

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/01/2015 23:58

Does the term statutory rape even exist in UK law?

We have a statutory definition of consent but we don't charge with statutory rape.

No point hand wringing and being dramatic about it, a quick call to the social worker will get the issue addressed. Its sadly not an unusual thing. Unfortunatly All hell is not very likely to break lose.

ChocLover2015 · 02/01/2015 23:58

I think your sister is being responsible in making sure they use condoms.She sure as heck can't stop them!
I don't know what planet some of you live on if you think sexual activity between kids 12,13,14 is so horrifying!They are hormones on a stick at that age!
I very very much doubt social services, or especially the police, will be interested.The law exists to prevent young teenagers being exploited by adult men. Underage high school sweethearts having sex is prettyt much expected which is why they teach kids about contraception so young.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/01/2015 00:02

But SS needs to come down hard on the mother for not only condoning it, but helping her daughter out with it by buying her condoms. The mother could be charged with sexual abuse for encouraging sexual activity

This would be about as likely as a kettle made of chocolate being safe.

It would be more of an issue if the mother actively prevented access to condoms

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/01/2015 00:02

I appreciate the legal semantics are the least of the problems here but if this is happening in the UK neither the legal systems of England; Wales and N. Ireland nor Scotland have a crime of "statutory rape"

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/01/2015 00:05

effic

That's not strictly true. The young person would normally be offered education and support around healthy decision making.

The reality is that chances are that will not change anything.

GraysAnalogy · 03/01/2015 00:07

I wonder what the mother would be expected to do in this case, obviously the obvious stuff like advising her daughter, trying to prevent it but would she be obligated to report it? I assume so - but even then what an incredibly difficult position to be in.

And then what happens after reporting it? Is the child at risk of being taken away from her? What if she has siblings too would SS perhaps think there's a protection issue there?

I have no idea of any of this by the way im just thinking out loud.

ghostspirit · 03/01/2015 00:22

i agree with effic...

also what if both the boy and girl want to be having sex. a 12 year old having sex to me is a big no no. but if she (wants) to do it how are the parents going to stop it. inform ss. how are ss going to stop it? how can anyone.

Madmum24 · 03/01/2015 00:28

Effic thanks for shedding some light, I was wondering if SS might view the mother/condom thing as a positive.

I remember watching one of the episodes of "Underage and Pregnant" and there was a very young girl who got pregnant (which was apparently planned!) after a considerable length of time of being sexually active. Her parents' reaction to their daughter (I think 12/13) having sex was very laissez-faire, they said they preferred her to have sex under their roof rather than the bushes in the garden. I was wondering why SS was not knocking on their door.

bottleofbeer · 03/01/2015 00:33

Fgs of course the age of the boy matters. In this case he's 14 but if he'd also been 12 he'd have been a rapist? You really have got to feel sorry for the male species reading MN sometimes.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/01/2015 00:38

Der god this is a terrible thread for all sorts of reasons.

Even if the consensus is that SS will do nothing you still have to report this for your own peace of mind, surely?

TrevaronGirl · 03/01/2015 00:43

No such thing as statutory rape in UK law., however...

The parents should be caring for their daughter, please, please try to talk to your SIL disneymum

madwomanacrosstheroad · 03/01/2015 00:48

Dont know if anyone else has noticed, but the OP has started another thread re the same subject.

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