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AIBU?

To think that a 12year old doing this is wrong?

226 replies

disneymum3 · 02/01/2015 22:00

Today I found out that my 12 year old niece is sexually active with her boyfriend. I know that her mum (my sister in law) knows what she is doing, and hasn't said anything to her / isn't bothered.
I feel that this is wrong and she shouldn't be doing this sort of thing at the age of 12. The thing is I don't know what to do.
Any advice on this will be greatly received TIA.

OP posts:
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Hatespiders · 02/01/2015 22:54

Social services are already involved with your SIL, but not presumably for such a serious situation as this. I'm pretty sure something will be done pretty fast once they are made aware. This young pair need intervention and I do hope you can be strong enough to report it op.

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ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/01/2015 22:55

The OP might have had to go to see to one of her children.

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BingBongMerrilyOnHigh · 02/01/2015 22:56

You need to call SS. Either the mother isn't bothered or needs help dealing with the situation.

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RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 22:56

I wonder how aware the boy is of the implications from him having intercourse with a 12 year old

Poor kids, the pair of them. Shit parents make me mad

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ghostyslovesheep · 02/01/2015 22:56

FFS needaholiday of course it would but why is that relevant to this serious and concerning thread involving a 12 year old girl?

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Cabbagesaregreen · 02/01/2015 22:56

Needaholiday. - of course the law would count if it was reversed.

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ghostyslovesheep · 02/01/2015 22:58

Poor kids, the pair of them. Shit parents make me mad

me too Chestnuts :(

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ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/01/2015 23:01

I feel sorry for both the kids too. I think they should be treated equally, not the boy being put on an offenders register because he's a smidge older than her they are both very, very young teens.

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Canyouforgiveher · 02/01/2015 23:02

If she is having sex or sexual contact (oral for example) beyond a kiss and a cuddle I would say to my sister deal with this or I will call someone.

I wouldn't care about who she is having sex with - she is just too young no matter what the age of the other kid. If it is another 12 year old I hope his (presuming it is a male) family or social services when called will help him too. If it is older, then I hope prosecution happens. Either way letting your 12 year old have sexual contact is wrong and a complete abandonment of your responsibilities as a parent. OP if you are sure this is happening and your sister won't step up, I think you have to do something.

has your sister talked to her about STDs and pregnancy? Does she care?

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GraysAnalogy · 02/01/2015 23:02

I'm sure ive read past cases like this in which the boy, regardless of him being a but older, was not treated as a sexual predator.

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RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 23:02

He may be coming up for 15 and she just turned 12 though.

Either way the law is the law. He is old enough to know better but whether he can or not who knows

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Babiecakes11 · 02/01/2015 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 23:03

As in does know better

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bambinibop · 02/01/2015 23:04

I feel sorry for the kids here Sad

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Cabbagesaregreen · 02/01/2015 23:06

I wouldn't be telling the mother to sort it out. She's allowing her daughter to be raped. Op, please call the police.

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CatIshoo · 02/01/2015 23:11

I will never understand why a parent wouldn't care about this. Some children just don't stand a chance.

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Madmum24 · 02/01/2015 23:11

I would be absolutely horrified at the very thought of my 12 even contemplating sex, let alone having regular sex, where she feels it's "normal" to ask her Mum for more condoms (at that age)

Realistically what would SS/police do in this situation? Whilst I know lots of people have underage sex, at what age do the SS/police not become concerned?

OP your SIL's attitude is frightening :-(

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HappyGoLuckyGirl · 02/01/2015 23:11

Agree with PP.

Call SS/Police.

Your SIL is a shit head of the highest order.

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steff13 · 02/01/2015 23:11

The age of the boy is irrelevant. The girl is under 13 so it is statutory rape

So, if the boy is also 12, it doesn't matter, he's a rapist? That's really the law there? What if she coerced him into having sex, is he still a rapist then? Why is he responsible and she's a victim if they're the same age?

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disneymum3 · 02/01/2015 23:12

It's my husband's sister not my brothers wife. I have told my husband, and he has told my mother in law, my mil didn't want us to involve the social as says SIL has enough to deal with and she will talk to her. I disagree with this. I am grateful for everyone's advice and I have decided I am going to contact her social worker first thing in the morning.

OP posts:
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Cabbagesaregreen · 02/01/2015 23:14

They are both victims. It's statutory rape because you cannot consent under the age of. 13 to sexual contact.

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ghostyslovesheep · 02/01/2015 23:15

sod your sil 'having enough to deal with' her granddaughter is being raped - glad you have decided to report

I'd report it to the police as well

Steff read the thread - your point has been answered ...repeatedly

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GraysAnalogy · 02/01/2015 23:16

Does the term statutory rape even exist in UK law?

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Hatespiders · 02/01/2015 23:18

disneymum, you're quite right to disagree with your MIL's view. Her just 'talking to' your SIL isn't the way forward at all. This is far, far too serious for that. SIL may have 'a lot to deal with', but she's not dealing with it at all is she? I'm so relieved you've decided to tell the social worker first thing tomorrow. It's the best and only option.

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RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 23:18

Yes

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