Who IBU? Very obese man on train taking up seat.

[StackladysMorphicResonator]

Please settle a pub argument - we have been discussing who IBU for nearly an hour!

I went on a 2h30 train ride today. An extremely obese gentleman sat down next to me about five minutes into the journey. The middle arm rest was down, but his bulk was unfortunately spilling both under and over it. He then opened up a broadsheet newspaper, causing his arm to sit about 2 inches from my nose, and read it throughout the journey, causing his arm to be either right in front of me or squashing against my shoulder every time he turned a page.

I sat for the entire journey silently fuming, but didn't say anything to him as I didn't want to embarrass him in public. However, I had a pretty miserable journey and moaned about it to friends in the pub this evening.

The majority opinion here is that I WBU by not asking him to keep his elbows to himself, and I've only got myself to blame for my uncomfortable journey. My reasons for not asking him to butt out of my space is that I thought it would be really embarrassing for him, and due to his size he couldn't help it - of the people present, the majority opinion is that he should have purchased two seats if he couldn't fit into one seat, and certainly shouldn't have been reading something that caused him to practically elbow me in the nose every time he turned a page, and I was being a massive wuss by not saying anything.

So, wise denizens of AIBU: was I BU (and a wuss) by fuming in silence, and if so, what should I have done?

korma. She's always like that. Charm Central. Poor thing struggling to stay in her size 8's. I'd rather be fat than an absolute bitch.

I wuld have made him switch so I had the aisle seat. Would have been cross though - when it's that busy, people who are too fat to fit into a single seat should stand rather than spreading into the next seat and making someone else uncomfortable.

On a long journey there is always 1st class. Bit of an ethucal minefield who pays the extra, but not trivial, I remember ages ago someone suffered nerve damage from being squished next to someone very large on a plane. Story always haunted me for some reason. (i think I would have stood up and refused to sit back in that instance, airline wd have had to sort?)

I must say I feel if I was vey big I'd be too mortified to squash others, like the very normal-sounding poster upthread. Yes a fat person has a right to a seat if there is one, but not if it removes someone else's equivalent right as happened to OP

I'd rather sit next to a 50 stone man than some of the miserable twats on this thread tbh.

AyMamita No, obese must take the aisle seat with half backside unsupported, and non-obese take half the bench.

Yes. Non obese arses must be supported clearly

Once the tipping point is reached, and a population where more than half are overweight or obese is a tipping point, then the problem is one of furniture not etiquette. Planes, trains, cars, cinemas etc now need to act in order to accommodate the majority of their customers in comfort.

Disclaimer- I am a size 8.

i would have joined him in reading his paper, in the hope of pissing him off. aside from his size, the reading of the paper with arms outstretched is a No No on public transport.

The funny thing is that the OP 's problem wasn't really caused by the man being fat but by being a rude tosser who thought it reasonable to take up her space with his elbows and paper. So all the insults to fat people are not really relevant. He could have been a twig and his elbows would still have been a nuisance.

I have commuted into London for years and people.seem to be able to sit next to each other in cramped conditions without their lives being ruined the way it seems to affect some people here. Most people are so glad of a seat they don't care what size it is or how much of it they get. The great thing is not having to stand. I would love to know how many of the judgy fuckers on here commute regularly and actually know what travel discomfort really mears and how little of it is caused by people's size.

Confused they have the right to ONE seat, not to take up more space than they've paid for when the train is full and there are no spare places. If someone insisted on putting their bag on the seat next to them, encroaching on the next person's space or making that seat unavailable, would that be OK?

Aymamita - occasionally you get (usually older) women with cases and they insist on having them on the seat next to them. They are always slightly fazed when I suggest helping them put it on the overhead racks for them.

If they are large they really don't want to put them near the door. (I live in South West Trains' area and none of their trains have decent luggage areas except for the ones on the Salisbury/Exeter route). If they are that big and heavy it's unlikely anyone is going to run off with them.

But clearly, their cases need a seat, and people do not.

As for obese gent, I'd have got up and found another seat. I have done that before - for slim gents who read their paper in my face (surprisingly common though becoming less so as more people have tablets/kindles instead) and for fat gents (or women) who take up more than their own seat.

I often see posts on twitter about unreasonable small/short people (like me) who won't sit in the window seat. I usually sit in the aisle seat because I like to get off the train quickly and because I get a headache if the heating is on (it blasts out underneath the window seat).

The Telegraph, Alvi. or The Guardian.

I'd have ostentatiously read his paper
made a point of laughing at a story on the right hand page when he was reading the left
and if he did not get the hint after a page or so, quite openly put my finger on the top corner of the paper - above my seat - to stop him turning the page till I was ready

I've done it. It works.
not as mean as the time I started reading out the crossword answers but he had been in my space for a while by then

Ronald Does your brother not realise that slight people don't like huge people sitting next to them to 'even things up'? It's incredibly selfish of your brother to actively choose to make a slight person - who hasn't got the physical stature to resist being completely squished out of their own space - just so that he might be a bit more comfortable. It's a form of bullying and he's doing it on purpose, not unconsciously.

No

I don't think he is doing it to bully people as that isn't his MO, he is polite and apologetic

He is unfortunately massive though and it makes sense in many respects to sit with those who take up less space

If you think he is doing it to bully people then I'd guess the problem lies with your reading and understanding of situations

Fuck him. He must know how big he is! So he chose not to buy two. Emphasis on CHOSE.

You can be assertive. That's not rude.

It doesn't make sense to his victims though. He is choosing to make a group of people 'pay' for his stature, while at the same time winning some comfort for himself at their expense. He sounds like a cock.

And ronald the problem lies with people like him (and clearly you) thinking that small people are fair game. We aren't. He should pick on people his own size.

As someone who is always the 'go to' person for big people looking for the easiest seat for them I can assure you that it is bullying. Physical bullying.

Rabbit - you're being a bit ott here

Ronald / REuphoria
The man happened to be fat. Maybe another year he'll be thin
The issue is that he was an inconsiderate bastard invading OP's space with his elbows and newspaper

You should have asked him if he'd found Jesus yet. That would have shifted him.

As another silent fumer, though, I don't think yabu. If someone is that rude to start with, how do you know how they might react if politely challenged?

I've often found that if you lean across and stroke the other person's face having licked your fingers first, then they soon move seats.

Cake what happens if he strokes you back?!!