Who IBU? Very obese man on train taking up seat.

[StackladysMorphicResonator]

Please settle a pub argument - we have been discussing who IBU for nearly an hour!

I went on a 2h30 train ride today. An extremely obese gentleman sat down next to me about five minutes into the journey. The middle arm rest was down, but his bulk was unfortunately spilling both under and over it. He then opened up a broadsheet newspaper, causing his arm to sit about 2 inches from my nose, and read it throughout the journey, causing his arm to be either right in front of me or squashing against my shoulder every time he turned a page.

I sat for the entire journey silently fuming, but didn't say anything to him as I didn't want to embarrass him in public. However, I had a pretty miserable journey and moaned about it to friends in the pub this evening.

The majority opinion here is that I WBU by not asking him to keep his elbows to himself, and I've only got myself to blame for my uncomfortable journey. My reasons for not asking him to butt out of my space is that I thought it would be really embarrassing for him, and due to his size he couldn't help it - of the people present, the majority opinion is that he should have purchased two seats if he couldn't fit into one seat, and certainly shouldn't have been reading something that caused him to practically elbow me in the nose every time he turned a page, and I was being a massive wuss by not saying anything.

So, wise denizens of AIBU: was I BU (and a wuss) by fuming in silence, and if so, what should I have done?

Wow Joanne you talk some offensive shite. Here have a

There's medical reasons why people gain weight. Steroids used to treat many medical conditions, genetic conditions (prada willis etc), thyroid problems etc. "Fat people piss me off" is very intolerant. Sad that you're pushing your prejudices upon others.

You have a very simplistic view of the world joanne. Fat? Just eat less and exercise more! Obese and on a train? Just get a first class ticket!

The broadsheet reading is just daft, but I love Catsclaus idea of ostentatiously reading his paper.

I rarely commute so find the whole invasion of personal space pretty unpleasant.

I had to go to London for a meeting last month and not only did a very big woman squidge up next to me in the seat, she then got out her bloody knitting and proceeded to elbow me every second which was more annoying that the excessive body contact.

Joanne I disagree that it's a "simple matter" to lose weight - when I weighed 37kg would you have told me that all I needed to do was "eat a sandwich"? Anorexia and binge-eating disorder are both severe mental illnesses, and for all we know the chap next to me could've been suffering from the latter or something else equally debilitating.

Joanne ? You sound lovely.

Joanne, your point about fat people being rude to expect to be able to use other people's space is valid, you are right that they should pay for bigger seats or get two seats. You have no need to be rude though, being horrible about it just detracts from your valid point.

With regards to his weight I wouldn't have said anything, but I would most certainly have pushed his arm away from my face, saying just simply 'excuse me'.

my brother is massive
not fat at all but huge huge physique and 6'5
he always invades other people's space on trains buses

He is stuck with it and tries to sit beside slight individuals to even things up

Do people who smoke constantly annoy you too? What about alcoholics? Gamblers? Or are they alright because they don't 'wear' their shame for all to see?

You have no idea why people are the way they are. There are many reasons for addictions, and food addictions is one of the hardest because you can't stop eating, if you want to continue living.

Be thankful that you haven't got sucked into this very sad and soul destroying way of life.

joanne being the delight she always is.

YANBU... but it shouldn't be up to you to say something and then have to spend the rest of the journey feeling awkward, train ticket cost the earth surely they should provide enough staff to check the customers paying their exorbitant fares aren't being squashed to death or taking a newspaper to the face.

Are you Katie Hopkins Joanne ?

Someone putting the arm rest up or they can't fit in their seat should surely ring alarm bells to them that a) they should have booked a single or wider seat because otherwise b) they are actually taking up some of someone else's seat.

I've been in a similar situation with a man working on his laptop all elbows on a packed commuter train. I also said nothing but wish I had. I couldn't do my own work so really should have manned up but too was worried about any uncomfortable journey through embarrassment. We're so British!

I feel claustrophobic just reading your OP.

OK now I will be flamed on here. It is not all that hard to control your weight before you get huge.

I sincerely hope you will be. Controlling your weight may not be hard for you but that doesn't mean it's a doddle for everyone else. Your behaviour to that man was dreadful.

I'm 5ft and slim so I always get larger people sitting by me on public transport to "even things out". I hate it, I pay for a full seat and not to be squashed by someone taking up a seat and a half

Kendoddsdad you beat me to it. Katie you have outed yourself.

The Telegraph! Cause enough for complaint straight off.

I love mumsnet

I commute every day and am overweight so I always stand in the bit by the doors - that way I don't have to deal with hassle over seats or judge fuckers like joanne

You're going to have to fold that, there is not enough toom for it as you are holding it.

As for you LadySybil:

We have booked two seats and we need half the table,please, you will have to manage.

Both in a polite but firm tone. A statement not a request. Take no shit.

*room