to think that it is ok for a 10 year old to take himself to the toilet when you are in a pub

[jellymaker]

I have been out to a pub with friends and kids. My friend was really shocked that we allowed ds to take himself to the toilet there, saying that he could be attacked whilst in there. We are looking for opportunities for him to become independent before he goes to senior next year. this seems like a good one. AIBU to allow him to do this. At what age did your children do this ?

ILoveSooty - it has already been made very clear by confused that us childless women cannot understand the topic at all.

Don't forget Hak that the opposite is true also and boys have the right to a male only space.

Oh yes Pipbin. I forgot that.

I mean to be fair sooty what are the likes of us even doing on Mumsnet. We should be on Childlessnet.

We were talking about a ten year old apparently having the right to deny girls their designated space - a right which applies to both genders as Pipbin said.

I have four boys, does that mean my opinion counts x4?!

Females are entitled not to have boys over 8 or so in the female toilets. Ditto men are entitled not to have girls over about the same age in their toilets. My dp if out currently takes our dd age 4 into the men's with him, as she gets older she will go into the,ladies on her own. Just like when I had the boys came in the ladies with me and as they got older they started going into the men's.

So what about the women who have posted that they would send their children to the toilet? Are they irresponsible parents?

I posted originally because OP was asking about a child of a similar (but older) age to my DS and I thought my view was relevant. I wasn't expecting to receive such aggressive questioning from total strangers on the internet. There are a lot of factors and it is up to each parent how they deal with it. No-one has ever challenged me or questioned why DS is with me; in fact he gets lovely smiles particularly from older ladies. When it comes to (primary) school trips, school have risk assessed the trip, but I would be slightly surprised if the children didn't go in pairs.

A hypothetical ten year old on a school trip , not your eight year old.

Confused. Do you ever comment on the actions of teachers, doctors, nurses, shop assistants? Because if you aren't a teacher etc how can you know how you would act in that situation?

Yes it is easy for those of us without children to declare that we would never do this that or the other but someone's choice or inability to reproduce or not doesn't exclude them from a debate.

I am Mum to an 8 year old DS. He goes to the male toilets on his own.

I am not naive, irresponsible or negligent.

Regardless of the rights of other mothers and children? What about the ten year old on a school trip?

No I wanted my questions answering. If you can't do that fair enough. Your choice.

Pmsl at naive, Mrmadthings works with children's services, believe me he and I are anything but naive.
We are rational adults capable of making appropriate risk assessments. Hence letting the elder madthings go to the toilet alone.

Calling parents who do allow their children to go to the toilet independently naive is rude. Others might call them realistic and you neurotic.

I've got girls but believe that their gender and right to not be slightly embarrassed by the sight of a 8 year old boy does not mean that an eight year old boy should be put in danger of molestation by disgusting pervert.

The chances of that are low, true but what if a short eight year old can't open the door and get stuck inside?

So haylut, no an all female area should not be a right when there is a potential safety risk you a young boy.

Yes 5madthings. rational. Perhaps Confused could note that.

My DD has gone to ladies on her own from 7yo, and 5yo DS has gone with DD since 4yo, in restaurant toilets or other toilets I have judged to be suitable. DS has occasionally gone into male toilets in (IMO) very low risk situations (e.g.local , small library).

So the thread has moved to the issue of whether an individual parent has a right to do whatever they feel like, because they feel it is best for THEIR child, regardless of the impact it has on any other children or adults.

Confused obviously feels she has a right to take a boy into the ladies toilet until she wants to stop doing it. For her, the feelings of other women and girls who expect it to be a female only space (excepting very small boys) are irrelevant because there are cubicles. She is prepared to put herself above everyone else, despite toilets being single sex places in most cases.

Will her 8 year old still be in the ladies at 10,12,14? Will my DD have to consider whether there will be a teenage boy in the ladies loo before she goes in?

And yes, I have spoken to mothers before who had their 9/10 year old boys in the communal changing room of the swimming pool, waving it all about. I told them that I and my DD felt very uncomfortable about such big boys being in there. I asked how old they were and was told they were 10. I then asked the mother to take them out of the communal area to the cubicles and to check with the staff what the age is for boys coming in. It was slightly awkward, but afterwards, 3 other mothers thanked me for raising it and said they felt uncomfortable too.

Gosh ...a male and female washing their hands at sinks next to each other....how embarrassing. I'm sure most decent females would be mortified. You live and learn...
Bollocks to religious reasons. I would be extremely surprised if that is in any religious text...the sexes can't share public loos ...but could be wrong

I think unisex toilets would stop a lot of this nonsense ...if nothing else having to queue for a while may encourage (mainly male I assume) planners to fit more loos...