to think that it is ok for a 10 year old to take himself to the toilet when you are in a pub

[jellymaker]

I have been out to a pub with friends and kids. My friend was really shocked that we allowed ds to take himself to the toilet there, saying that he could be attacked whilst in there. We are looking for opportunities for him to become independent before he goes to senior next year. this seems like a good one. AIBU to allow him to do this. At what age did your children do this ?

And FWIW Confused, I was attacked in a public toilet at a teenager.

*as a teenager - not at.

When my DS was 8 he started not liking going in the ladies so I would either let him go in the mens if I was comfortable or send him in the disabled loos.

Curiously I have just got back from a swim and as I left a man brought his son and DD, age I would guess 11, into the men's changing room. The rules is eight and up goes into their own changing room and if I had not been leaving and in a hurry I would have challenged him. It is a bench and locker pool and the presence of a girl that age while men are undressed is a gross breach of their privacy - whatever her father thinks about her being there.

She should have gone to the women's changing room. Anyone disagree?

Fair enough Confused. As a non parent I appreciate there are some things I'm not entitled to an opinion on.

SharonBu Sat 03-Jan-15 15:51:13
When my DS was 8 he started not liking going in the ladies so I would either let him go in the mens if I was comfortable or send him in the disabled loos.

so you would send an non disabled child into the disabled toilet??
wow how shitty

ConfusedInBath Sat 03-Jan-15 13:05:07
Samcro what is a 10 year old boy going to see whilst your dd is in a cubicle using the toilet?

Tell me.

nothing but
she and other females have the right to a female place.
a 10 yr old boy should not be in the ladies

It is a while since my older boys were 10 but I am sure they were not escorted to the toilet. However they went alone out of our laziness rather than a planned coming of age moment of actualisation.

It is not something that I care greatly about. However it strikes me as sad that young boys are being raised by women who hav such a dim view of other men.

My older 2 girls have been going alone from about 6. The younger one went with my eldest from 4.

Very occasionally it's occurred to me to worry about it but really, what makes this any different from any of the other risks we have to let our children take every day?

Should I stop them going to the park to meet their friends in case they get raped on the way? Stop them going to the shop in case they get run over on the way?

It is obviously a (small) risk but you've got to take those risks.

So SharonBu screw the people with disabilities who might have needed the toilet your child was using?

ConfusedInBath (incidentally your screen name is bang on for this thread!) That had not occurred to me and it should have done.

I was not swimming at my usual time so I doubt if I will see that family again - but if I do I will suck it up.

Sorry about that.

I can't believe anyone would subject their child to the expectation on a school trip that at 10 years of age a female teacher should take him to the ladies toilet.

Really? I'd say there was far more risk involved in walking to a park at any time of the day.

I've been thinking about this - as an adult there are some loos I feel nervous about going in on my own...or even with my young DC. And I'm not a generally over cautious/nervous person....
I don't have boys so less of an issue but say at the loos in a carpark with the safe sex posters plastered everywhere, that get locked at night because of 'incidents' - or even the ones with the UV lights...I would be very reluctant to let DCs of either sex go in on their own at 10...even older.
(in the first case more worried about what they will see rather than what will happen to them...)

At ten years old?

They don't at my school. Wait very closely outside though.

The way I see it is that this is all about risk assessment. There are risks in every aspect of life, all the time, and you have to judge each risk as it arises. Some pubs then you judge it as fine, others not.

But then what do I know....................

Now are you happy about a male parent helper that you don't know from a hole in the ground going into the toilet with a boy but not a random stranger. As said above, children statically are at far more danger from relatives, tutors, teachers and youth group leaders than random men.

Goodness. There are some peculiar schools about if female teachers take NT ten year olds into the ladies on school trips.