to think that it is ok for a 10 year old to take himself to the toilet when you are in a pub

[jellymaker]

I have been out to a pub with friends and kids. My friend was really shocked that we allowed ds to take himself to the toilet there, saying that he could be attacked whilst in there. We are looking for opportunities for him to become independent before he goes to senior next year. this seems like a good one. AIBU to allow him to do this. At what age did your children do this ?

I know someone who at 13 was raped in a pub toilet ??

I don't see the problem. If DS2 (12) and I go out to a restaurant I am not going to take him to the toilet, plus I couldn't go in with him anyway.

If you are talking about a small pub where you could see who was going in or out of the loos, that's fine, if it was a very busy place and you couldn't see the doors, I'd be horrified as well.

Fine, but I guess I know what sort of state the loos are likely to be in at our local.
I do keep an eye on the time he goes off and send DH to see what up if he takes "too long". DS did get stuck once being unable to pull a heavy door open from inside.

Sorry I didn't clock that he is 10. No I wouldn't be horrified. But I would be going to look for him if he was longer than a few minutes.

Agree with Confused. There HAVE been cases where children have been attacked/sexually assaulted in public toilets. I can think of a good few as well.

Recent case in Nando's in south London where a 3 year old boy and his sister went to the toilets and the 3 year old boy was drop-kicked by a 13 year old girl. She tried to run off but thankfully, was caught. Yes, people may think "that would never happen to my child" but who really wants to take the risk nowadays? Its each to their own but I wouldn't think any less of mums who want to accompany their children..there's enough pressure to be a cool mum oh so very "hands off" with parenting as it is and if shit didn't happen then Im sure they wouldn't be the way they are. They're just aiming to be cautious and there's nothing wrong with that at times.

My DS goes alone. I make sure I give him time I would expect it to take and then check on him. It's not easy as he's 10yo, has SN but I'm a LP. So he's too old to go with me now.
I'm not fully comfortable with it but tbh that's more about his abilities than other people iyswim?

Question to those who wouldn't let the 10 year old go alone due to having heard about attacks in public toilets - when would you let them go alone then? Is 11 okay, or 12 or 14?

We can all think of attacks on children, teenagers and adults. Yes we want to protect them, but one of our jobs as parents is also to teach them to manage independently in life, in gradual stages as they grow up. One of those things has to be going to to the toilet alone. Equally they need to travel by public transport, go shopping, visit cafes with friends etc etc. it is possible that something nasty could happen during any of those outings, but we still need to allow our children increasing independence.

There was that awful mcdonalds case. I let them go (9 & 11 boys ) but i do hover outside.

Google simon archer & McDonald's. Can't do link from phone

No, I don't let my 9 year old DS go by himself. He comes with me to the ladies. I am a SP so there is no man to take him to the gents. I am not prepared to take that risk.

When will you let him go alone spring? He shouldn't really be in the ladies loos.

Ds is 10 and recently goes alone but to the ladies so that I can go in if need be.

No right or wrong, whatever the child/parent feel appropriate.

All these boys in the ladies loos. If I saw a 10 year old boy walk in alone if I was in there I would assume he got the wrong door.

There is nothing wrong about a child in a ladies loo, boy or girl. What do you think is wrong about a boy in the ladies?

I agree that big boys in ladies toilets alone is inappropriate. The 10 year old girls need to go in there, expecting to only see women or small boys with parents. Likewise, it is wrong for big boys to be in ladies changing rooms in swimming pools etc. Beyond 8 they should be in the mens - remember they are staffed.
Why can't these anxious parents take their boys to the mens toilets and wait outside? Surely that would be a start in the right direction.
I really think that allowing big boys alone into ladies toilets is an issue for women's and girls privacy and feelings of safety. This is of course very important.

DS is 7 and I let him go to the mens on his own as long as we are somewhere that I would feel ok banging on the door and going in to find him if I thought there was a problem.

I think in fact the only place I'd feel uncomfortable would be the train station underground toilets, the huge ones, where you go down lots of stairs. Ho would be out of ear shot and it makes me nervous.

I would certainly let him go in a family pub or local shopping centre.

Generally boys shouldn't be going to the ladies over the age of 8 and should really be going to the loo on their own to the men's. Many gyms have rules to this effect for example. My DS age 9 wouldn't want to go to the gents on his own somewhere as public as McDonald's and is pretty cautious but does go to the gents on his own in pubs or restaurants. When he was 8 I would try and get him to come to the ladies where i could keep an eye on him but he didn't want to as boys his age don't go to the ladies anymore.

My boys wouldn't have wanted to go in the ladies loos. I am not saying there is anything wrong but I wanted mine to go in the Mens.

Chocolate wombat, you think an 8 year old boy is going to threaten a girl or womans safety? And privacy? There are cubicles.

I'm truly baffled.

But cubicles are private with doors.

Would you, say, if the ladies loos were out order, allow your daughter to wander off in to the mens' loo, where you can't go in and check on them if necessary?

If we had had a girl of 10 and DH took her out he wouldn't take her in the Mens. Or send her in the men's loo alone in case she needed help.