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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my BIL? This was our news to share.

113 replies

JennaRainbow · 01/01/2015 08:48

My baby has literally just started walking, and obviously we are excited about it, and yes she's our first! My grandmother couldn't join us for Christmas this year but we're visiting her next week so decided to surprise her with DD walking when we got there.

My sister and her husband, who's only recently been in the picture so hardly knows my grandmother have just been to see her, and he took it upon himself to show her a video of my DD walking at Christmas. My dd! I know it may sound trivial to others but surely this is our milestone to share with people that are important to us, not his! I'm really upset and feel like the rug has been pulled from under us. I know that's a bit ott but she's been like a mum to me, is our last surviving grandparent between my dh and I, and we were so excited to surprise her.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/01/2015 08:52

Sorry, I think you are over reacting.

SoupDragon · 01/01/2015 08:53

Your grandmother will be just as delighted to see your DD walk in the flesh.

Sanch1 · 01/01/2015 08:53

Did you ask him to not say anything? If not YABU, it's hardly a birth or pregnancy announcement!

lightgreenglass · 01/01/2015 08:53

I would agree - she'll love watch her walk when you go and visit as a video isn't the same.

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 01/01/2015 08:53

I hate to sound harsh but no one other than you cares about your child walking or their milestones.

Sorry.

whereisthewitch · 01/01/2015 08:54

I think you are be a little unreasonable, your sister and BIL obviously think alot of your little girl to be proud enough to show your grandmother the video. I do understand that you wanted to be the first but you know sometimes you just can't be in control of these things.

It's hard not to be pfb I get that but you will be able to show your grandmother her walking in real life and nothing compares to the real deal!

ShadowSuperNova · 01/01/2015 08:54

Did you tell them to keep quiet about your DD learning to walk?

If not, definitely overreacting.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 01/01/2015 08:55

Others are allowed to be excited you know? I used to tell people all the time what new things my nephew started doing when he was a baby. If you didn't want them telling her you should've said you'd like to surprise her yourselves

brererabbit · 01/01/2015 08:55

If you asked him not to tell anyone and he did then that's out of line but otherwise just normal behaviour.
I think it's nice he is interested in your dds milestones clearly they are all proud.

Tealady1983 · 01/01/2015 08:56

Oh my god Confused

Ineedacleaningfairy · 01/01/2015 08:57

Yabu, I don't think anyone else actually cares when babies hit their milestones do they? He probably didn't realise that it was a thing to be kept as a surprise.

Ainmnua · 01/01/2015 08:58

YABU. What a completely over the top reaction.

MythicalKings · 01/01/2015 09:00

Massive over reaction. YABVU

TheGrandPooBah · 01/01/2015 09:01

Yes.

Finola1step · 01/01/2015 09:02

I expected to read that your BIL had announced your pregnancy or engagement. He's obviously proud of your dd and keen to fit in with the family, making conversation with your DGM.

I diagnose a big case of PFB. Please try your best to not let this cloud your relationship with your BIL unless you want him to think that he has to tread very carefully around you.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 01/01/2015 09:03

Sorry but YABU. Babies walk, she will see the baby walk, you don't need to 'announce' it or keep it a secret as a surprise. There's no surprise to it all to baby of almost 1 starts walking.

KatieKaye · 01/01/2015 09:03

I thought this as going to be about someone posting news about your pregnancy on Facebook.

Not showing Granny a video of a child walking.

Yes, it's milestone, but to talk about it/show a video is not rude, not an invasion of privacy and isn't going to spoil Granny's pleasure in any way, shape or form.

Step back and breathe.

Presumably your BIL has "been in the picture long enough" for your DSis to decide he's the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with? You post gives the definite impression you do not like him and that this incident is just a excuse.

SanityClause · 01/01/2015 09:03

I would go so far as to say, I think it was lovely of him to want to share this with your grandmother. The fact that he was interested enough to share a video of his niece by marriage (so not a close family member) with someone else in the family. I think he's trying to fit in and really be part of the family he has married into.

It could be argued that as you are so close to your grandmother, you might want to share news with her immediately, rather than make her wait. I can imagine a scenario where you are at your grandmother's house, and your DD starts to walk, and she is sad that she was the last to know. But you know your grandmother, and I don't, so she may well not feel like that, but enjoy the surprise.

Original poster
JennaRainbow · 01/01/2015 09:05

Sorry I should have said we told them we were excited to tell her, I thought I had. My grandmother is the kind of person that likes to know all her little bits of news from us. He knew we were going to see her and tell her ourselves. I can see iabu though, just wasn't expecting to be made to feel so pathetic for having this feeling! The idea of this board though isn't it!

OP posts:
Jomato · 01/01/2015 09:05

No idea if YABU because you haven't told us if you told him not to say anything. If you did then YANBU, even though you sound a bit over the top if you told him he should have respected your wishes. If you didn't tell him then yabvvvvvu to expect him to somehow guess that he wasn't allowed to share. If this is the case I actually think it's very sweet that he feels part if the family enough and proud of your DD enough to want to share it.

Springsintheair · 01/01/2015 09:06

Yabu Grin and v v pfb bless, we've all been there in one way or other.
This is def a non issue. In fact your bil was probably trying to find common grounds with your grandmother and tried to engage with her through something he knew would be interesting to her. Very sweet of him actually!!

Andrewofgg · 01/01/2015 09:08

He is obviously proud of his niece by marriage - you should be pleased, not upset, unless you asked him in terms to leave it for you to tell her.

Forget about it, and all the best with your DD.

HonestLie · 01/01/2015 09:12

I can understand why you would be a bit upset but really it is a non issue. I remember phoning my Mum so excited when DD rolled over, she was very Confused by my excitement and I her lack of it Grin obviously mine off was the first to do this.

Let it go. Your gran will love seeing it in person, it's souch more than a video.

HonestLie · 01/01/2015 09:13

My pfb was the first ever baby to ever do this*

Sheitgeist · 01/01/2015 09:15

Another one here expecting a pregnancy announcement!

Child starting to walk is a lovely milestone, but it is not something that warrants a special 'ta-daa!' moment really or big reveal to the chosen few in the correct order.

I also think your BIL was trying to be nice and trying to take an interest in your immediate and extended family.