To be upset with my BIL? This was our news to share.

[JennaRainbow]

My baby has literally just started walking, and obviously we are excited about it, and yes she's our first! My grandmother couldn't join us for Christmas this year but we're visiting her next week so decided to surprise her with DD walking when we got there.

My sister and her husband, who's only recently been in the picture so hardly knows my grandmother have just been to see her, and he took it upon himself to show her a video of my DD walking at Christmas. My dd! I know it may sound trivial to others but surely this is our milestone to share with people that are important to us, not his! I'm really upset and feel like the rug has been pulled from under us. I know that's a bit ott but she's been like a mum to me, is our last surviving grandparent between my dh and I, and we were so excited to surprise her.

But you said you had 'the rug pulled from under you'? That's a fairly strong sentiment in the circumstances

And he's not just a recent boyfriend, he's your sister's husband so that doesn't imply 'new' to the family

You are being PFB, bless you, and undoubtedly in a few years you will look back and chuckle about this.

The nasty tone in some of these replies is unnecessary though.

A mindfulness course?!
Look, she's a bit deflated that her bil stole her thunder, that's all.
She'll get over it. She doesn't need hammered down, or a course.
Chill people.

Yanbu op!

Good God there are some contrary Marys on this site. I can only imagine they are all hung over and not feeling their best.

Or, they just have a different opinion.

I am not hungover at all.

Another thought on this is that maybe DSis and DBIL might be ttc, and who knows how that might be going/ what heartache could be involved.
At any rate at this stage in their lives, recently married, being an Aunty and Uncle may be extremely important to them - they may have at least as much interest in your dd and her baby steps as your DGranny does?

So, OP is excited about her baby taking their first steps - I'm sure those of us who are parents can remember the excitement, I certainly can - and wanted to be first to share it with her DGran. She's upset BIL showed the video and has acknowledged that maybe she is being a bit unreasonable.

It hardly warrants the level of nastiness shown by some posters.

A total over reaction!!! Get over yourself. It's the parents that care no one else gives a flying fuck!

Blimey, this thread really is bringing out the worst of mumsnet. It's fair enough to say that you think that the OP is BU, but are all the "get over yourself" etc comments really necessary? Is that really what people would say to friends in real life? I doubt it

Yeah, but you can never bring yourself to say anything nice SoupDragon.

You are now maing a classic error of judgement by doing what people on AIBU often do when the answers to the question are not what they want to hear. You are drip feeding and providing info that you think will influence othets towards your own point of view because you can not bear any perceived criticism of yourself in this instance.

(I am paraphrasing your words)
'Oh did I forget to say we told them we wanted to tell her ourselves'- intended to paint BIL in worse light because now you are saying he deliberately did something you had said you didn't want him or anyone to do but you forgot to tell us that at the start, which is why you think we have all misunderstood and now we will take your side and say YANBU

'I haven't been to see her because my friend is dying and I need to be with him' - clearly intended to make me feel guilty for suggesting you might have gone to see DG earlier if it was that important and that you are really NBU at all. It didn't work.

Look, if you told them and they ignored you, if your friend is dying and you have laudably spent every spare second from before Christmas until next week with him comforting him (I am presuming the poor man has died or is likely to by then and that is why you are able to visit next week) and been unable to do anything else, that is how it is.

You made choices, so did your BIL- he made a bad choice in your opinion. I don't think he did anything terrible and you are being a drama queen over it all. Not everything is about you being the centre of the show. Get over yourself.

I really can't bear to read anymore of this from you so will disappear incase I cause you further upset.

Deffinitely the kind of news you should tell people you want kept secret if that's the case.
It's not a given that your child walking is news only to be shared by you.
I thought you were going to say BIL told people you were pregnant!

Sorry, just read you told him to keep it to himself.
Tad annoying but hey ho. Relatives will still be excited to see dd walk.
Maybe he forgot. I doubt he did it to purposely upset you. Next time don't tell BIL, lesson learnt :)

Please, please, let it go.

It is a massive non-issue. And your reaction is massively OTT especially as you've felt that the "rug has been pulled" from under your feet. I can think of plenty that's going on in our lives and in the world right now that truly involves rugs being pulled away from under people's feet but this isn't one of them.

Lovely to see an uncle by marriage proud of his little niece. Lovely that the old lady will soon see it in flesh.

Nothing else to it, honestly.

Its annoying, but its just one of those things.

While it is nice to hear of a child learning to do things, it doesnt take on the same massive importance as it does to the parent. I dont suppose for one moment he did it maliciously, and I do think you are over reacting.

I have to admit that I thought it would be a PG or birth announcement, that would have been understandable. But your child is a child of a family, which is a lovely thing to be, and that means that sometimes other members of that family will be excited to share news of her too.

You could be negative and snippy about it being "MY NEWS!" or you could look at it in a positive way, that she is very lucky to have so many people who love and are proud of her.

Its up to you which view you take.

I am hungover, admittedly, but I too think YABU. But then most of my pfb's milestones were passed in front of her childminder...

....oh and by the time said PFB got off her pretty little tush to walk I was just quite embarrassed about how long she'd been lazing about in any case.

Sorry I was going to be all YABU but its understandable but now you're being hysterical Clearly our wishes and hers don't matter really?

He was just showing his mum a photo of his nieces first steps. Least he gives a shit. It might be a humongous thing to you but to the rest of the family it's probably just another nice thing to share with one another.

Hilarious thread now.

RiverTam are you one of the professionally offended? Your comment re people not being able to have another child are unnecessary.

Holding on to things like this are a waste of emotional energy. Let it go.

YABU and over thinking it. Don't sweat the small stuff!

However I am putting out this pledge to MNers on this thread - stop being so fucking snippy! We've ALL been there (as in PFB) and heaven knows there's plenty of threads about the PFB things we did that we cringe at now. OP will probably be doing said cringing in a few years when she looks back at this so no need to act like she's pissed on your chips.

These mass 'telling offs' replies that crop up on AIBU make my toes curl, there's a way to say YA U without being a nob

*YABU