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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with my BIL? This was our news to share.

113 replies

JennaRainbow · 01/01/2015 08:48

My baby has literally just started walking, and obviously we are excited about it, and yes she's our first! My grandmother couldn't join us for Christmas this year but we're visiting her next week so decided to surprise her with DD walking when we got there.

My sister and her husband, who's only recently been in the picture so hardly knows my grandmother have just been to see her, and he took it upon himself to show her a video of my DD walking at Christmas. My dd! I know it may sound trivial to others but surely this is our milestone to share with people that are important to us, not his! I'm really upset and feel like the rug has been pulled from under us. I know that's a bit ott but she's been like a mum to me, is our last surviving grandparent between my dh and I, and we were so excited to surprise her.

OP posts:

ASunnyTiger · 01/01/2015 09:17

It sounds like he was trying to do something nice for your GM. You said he hardly knows her, so he was probably just trying to make an effort to create some positive experiences with her without realising that you were intentionally waiting to surprise her.

whereisthewitch · 01/01/2015 09:18

OP aibu can be brutal but sometimes it's a good place to get perspective.

Your granny will be delighted to see your dd walking in rl and not just a video.
Happy new year

heartisaspade · 01/01/2015 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Writerwannabe83 · 01/01/2015 09:24

I'm hoping my PFB will start taking his first steps soon and when he does I won't care how the news is spread throughout my family. They will be happy and excited and think it's 'sweet' but as had been said, it's hardly life changing news

I won't care if I tell a relative that DS has started to walk or if someone else passes on the news.

YANBU to feel the way you do as it had obviously upset you a little but relax and move on

Neverknowingly · 01/01/2015 09:49

All grans like to hear news. She'll be just as happy having seen the video AND seeing you all in the flesh.

ohtheholidays · 01/01/2015 09:50

YANBU,I completely understand. I think your BIL has got really excited about his Dniece taking her first steps and just didn't think.

Your Grandmother will be over the moon to see for herself your LO walking

It's not true that no one else cares about what your child does(what a bloody miserable family that would be)I love to hear news about what my great nephews and nieces have done,just like I did when it was news about my nephews and nieces.

My husbands Nan always wants to hear about what our 5DC have been up to,how they're getting on,always wants to see pictures and none of ours are babies any more and DH only helped make our youngest DC.

But she gets excited about any new news weather it's about our 18 year old or our youngest our 7 year old.

Nanny0gg · 01/01/2015 10:41

I hate to sound harsh but no one other than you cares about your child walking or their milestones.

Bollocks.

And I do know what the OP means. My DH was away when our first DC walked and his face was a picture when he came into the room and she walked towards him.

As a granny I would have loved to have had that moment too.

SaucyJack · 01/01/2015 10:45

Unless there's a backstory then YABU.

Poor guy was probably just looking for something to talk about with Granny.

Unexpected · 01/01/2015 10:50

Over-reaction.

Bartlebee · 01/01/2015 10:51

Massive overreaction on your part.

Azquilith · 01/01/2015 10:52

I sent weekly video updates to my parents, grandparents and aunt and uncle of my PFB for the first year of his life. 'Oh look he can stretch a bit further this week'. I do cringe a bit now.

Icimoi · 01/01/2015 10:53

Your Granny will have seen a few first steps in her time, you know. It won't be quite the same novelty for her.

GoodKingQuintless · 01/01/2015 10:53

You are overthinking this and being OTT, and come across very precious. Why should he not show her the video just because she is walking? All babies start walking at some point, it just means a whole lot more to you than the rest of the world.

Mammanat222 · 01/01/2015 10:56

Sorry OP but yes you are completely overreacting.

BIL probably only showed the video to illustrate that he is enthusiastic about the family. .... I'm sure they was no malice intended

KatieKaye · 01/01/2015 11:00

I think there is quite a difference between a parent's reaction and a grandparent's reaction, Nanny. Most people are more invested (for want of a better word) in their children than in their grandchildren.

I'm sure Granny will be thrilled to see the little girl walking but it won't have the same intensely emotional impact for her as it did for OP and her husband because a parent has a different relationship with their child than a grandparent does.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 01/01/2015 11:21

Actually, I think BiL was unnecessary, especially as he knew you were to visit and if you did tell him you wanted to tell her yourself. Perhaps it was just thoughtlessness, perhaps deliberate.

Willferrellisactuallykindahot · 01/01/2015 11:30

This thread is hilarious!

MissHJ · 01/01/2015 11:35

Erm I was too expecting you to say he announced your pregnancy/birth not a child walking. That's a bit precious to me so I think YABU. I think it's nice they took the video and was interested enough to talk about your daughter.

WantToButWouldnt · 01/01/2015 11:38

Lol at this!

Bless you but the others are right; nobody really cares about the milestones except the parents. After all, your DC was always going to learn to walk sometime, wasn't she? Everyone knew it was going to happen.

crje · 01/01/2015 11:40

How is your sisters husband only just on the scene ?

YABU

pictish · 01/01/2015 11:43

Aw what a shame your surprise has been spoiled. I'm sure it wasn't done in malice.
Never mind. xx

PenelopePitstops · 01/01/2015 11:45

Bahaha PFB in extreme. Don't worry when it's your second child you won't give a shit.

RiverTam · 01/01/2015 11:51

actually, I think that's a bit odd of your BIL - yes, they might have mentioned it, but as he knew you were a) excited to tell your gran yourself and b) going to see her yourself soon, I think showing a video was a bit out of order. Not a huge deal but I can see why your upset. But on MN no-one is allowed to ever be proud or excited about their DCs achievements or milestones ever.

when it's your second child you won't give a shit

you do know that not everyone either wants or is able to have a 2nd child, don't you?

SavoyCabbage · 01/01/2015 11:52

"When it's your second child you won't give a shit"

When my niece crawled for the first time my FIL yelled out to my sister, who was in another room, in excitement.

My sister answered "oh no!", not because she'd missed it but because it's so much more work when they are moving.

Original poster

JennaRainbow · 01/01/2015 11:53

Thank you for understanding ohtheholidays and, the granted few, others. I think people have misunderstood some of what I've said. It's not that we foist everything to do with our baby on others, first anythings, but my grandmother does care and want to know. I wouldn't care at all if it wasn't her or our parents, the people that specifically do want to be told everything. I understand that in other families people don't care about things like first steps, but I'm specifically talking about someone that does care. Thank you all anyway, I can see that we're obviously a very strange bunch! I am more upset that he disregarded what we wanted and took it upon himself to tell her our news.

OP posts:

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