To be upset with my BIL? This was our news to share.

[JennaRainbow]

My baby has literally just started walking, and obviously we are excited about it, and yes she's our first! My grandmother couldn't join us for Christmas this year but we're visiting her next week so decided to surprise her with DD walking when we got there.

My sister and her husband, who's only recently been in the picture so hardly knows my grandmother have just been to see her, and he took it upon himself to show her a video of my DD walking at Christmas. My dd! I know it may sound trivial to others but surely this is our milestone to share with people that are important to us, not his! I'm really upset and feel like the rug has been pulled from under us. I know that's a bit ott but she's been like a mum to me, is our last surviving grandparent between my dh and I, and we were so excited to surprise her.

YABVU. And drip feeding. So now there is a 'history' of BIL doing stuff like this?
My daughter's boyfriend was falling over himself to show me a video of his niece cruising along the furniture, jabbering away to herself. I was delighted; though how proud he was of his niece and what a great Dad he should turn out to be.

I'd be chuffed to bits that they love her so much they want to share and be proud too. YABU.

Why did you give him a video if you didn't want him to show anyone?

YABU but it's not nice when you feel like someone has 'stolen your thunder' so to speak. But, as there are other much bigger things going on for you right now, I think perhaps you've taken it more personally than perhaps you would normally. I would put it behind you and concentrate on your friend. You DGM will be just as delighted with your DD as she would be had she not seen the video.

op, there are multiple threads on mn which talk about the cringeworthy things people did with their pfb babies, from people who put the shampoo in their eyes before washing the baby's hair to ensure it really was no more tears, to people who left their babies with their parents with a novel page of instructions on how to look after them and even one from someone who used to park her car outside the hospital every time she tried a new food in case she had a reaction. In a few years time you will be writing on one of these threads that "my bil showed a video to my gran of my baby walking and I was really upset because I felt it was my news to share with her and wanted to surprise her," and you will cringe at the memory because in the nicest possible way, it is a bit cringeworthy to be quite so precious over something like this.

Even asking not to tell other people about this kind of thing is a bit odd tbh, and again in the nicest possible way, babies aren't performing monkeys, there's every chance your baby could be ill or tired or grouchy or out of sorts next week and actually decide to spend the entire day on your lap refusing to perform for her great granny as the surprise you had planned. It is far better for people to be able to talk about these things because A, all babies do walk, and b, it really isn't your news, when you have a baby it is your baby but it is part of a wider family, all of whom are invested in that baby. To suggest that other members of the family not talk about that baby's progress because it is the mother's place to do it alone makes you appear not only unreasonable but grossly over protective, and I speak as someone who accused my sil of not being interested in my pfb because she asked about him after asking about everyone else when calling, she of course should have asked about him first. she actually wasn't interested in him, but my evidence was unique to me,

Hope The OP is OK.

As an aside they are cracking threads WannaBe. I remember someone saying they laminated instructions to parents

I distinctly remember getting a canvas of DD made up via a company on Facebook, they posted it to their wall. I was most put out and shocked when they didn't get a flurry of people saying "OMG what a beautiful baby, whose is that child's"

I think it's pretty mean to deride the op for drip feeding about the dying friend. If she is spending a lot of time with him during that process then surely that is mitigating?

On another note you have reminded me that I called ds1 godmother to berate her for not paying enough homage .

YANBU to be upset and wonder why he showed her when he knew you'd been looking forward to sharing first in person. He smack of a bit of an attention seeker, like people who share news on fb about others purely for the attention it gets them.

YWBU if you hadn't told him you want to tell her.

There's nothing you can do now though, just know he's a knob who likes to be the 'sharer' and then let it go.

I totally sympathise, OP - it is a special moment when your baby first walks and it was not unreasonable for you to want a very close relative to see it for the first time in the flesh rather than on someone (not very close)'s video. The problem is that, once something's been filmed, you lose control of it.

If you explicitly told him not to then I can see why you are upset. Otherwise he just thought it was cute and thought grandma would like it.

On a side note do other people really not care about others babies milestones? I mean family and close friends not strangers? Odd people indeed I'm excited for my nephew to walk so sue me.

Sorry some have been so harsh to you op.

OP some people, well, you need to spell it out for them. "Baby is walking, please, nobody tell grandmother, we want to surprise her when we go visit her".

So what exactly did you say to your BIL re not showing your Grandmother?