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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be hurt by this or do i need to get a grip

198 replies

vintagecrap · 31/12/2014 20:15

We have a family new years day, have always done it and for the last 8 or so years i have hosted it.

My mother was hurt before xmas as my sister wasnt going to spend xmas day with her ( nor the rest of us) and yet again hadnt invited anyone over. Noone ever gets an invite as my sister ' doesnt do family, and if she does she has to have us all and she doesnt want that'

Anyway, mum was hurt over xmas and spent a good week complaining how nice it would be to be invited somewhere, I always contribute, i cook their ham and take 7-8 dishes and made mince pies to take too. Sister took nothing but still turned up and ate all of boxing day.

Mum said its not an issue for me as i have hosted xmas day before and im on my own and working crazy hours and i always do new years day.

She made a big song and dance over the fact that my sister was unfair to leave people out and she would never do that etc etc.

i find out that my sister has organsed a meal tonight, at hers, with my mum and me and DD were not invited.

I am very hurt, have said so and have been told im being discusting to even say im hurt and how dare i.

They said they wouldnt even think of asking me as i had been at work and they knew i would be organising things for the party tomorrow... which is for them!

Ive been in floods of tears.

OP posts:
slithytove · 01/01/2015 09:54

I really hope you've put your foot down and are having a relaxing nyd. Why should you bust a gut for people who don't give a shit enough to invite you?

Happy new year xx

slithytove · 01/01/2015 09:55

This is why I should rtft.

Please cancel if you can.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 01/01/2015 10:08

ive just sent a text cancelling.

fuck it.

its 10am, i havent even had a happy new years text.

OP posts:
slithytove · 01/01/2015 10:21

Good for you. Try and do something nice for you and dd today - the people who matter.

And enjoy your pulled pork! Very jealous, we are having leftover buffet

fusspot66 · 01/01/2015 10:24

I'd feed them the perishables, freeze the good stuff, tell them abou you're exhausted by new year working in retail and as a lone parent. Start a new tradition next year of going out for a Chinese banquet ( they seem to like Chinese food)

fusspot66 · 01/01/2015 10:25

Well done, vintage.

AlpacaStockingOnChristmasEve · 01/01/2015 10:25

Pulled pork freezes very well btw. Don't waste it!
So your sister is happy enough to turn up to family gatherings and eat/participate/talk to family but not to host them... Yeah, I'd be annoyed as well. And being lied to about it would really hurt my feelings.

Have a lovely day Vintage. With your dd, and peace!

fusspot66 · 01/01/2015 10:26

Do you have a friend you could land on today? Bearing food gifts of course?

CrispyFern · 01/01/2015 10:26

I bet you have neighbours or friends or acquaintances who would love a casual invite to come over and have a nice dinner with you and your DD if you have loads of stuff in. X

Original poster
vintagecrap · 01/01/2015 10:34

ive not even had a response from any of them after sending that text. nothing, so i think that speaks volumes.....

If they cared someone would phone and say sorry and say lets just have a nice day. but they havent.

im going to have a shower, pack up a flask of hot chocolate and take left over xmas things like crisps and biscuits and head up to national trust place an hour or so away. Walk on the beach and blow away some of the shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
vintagecrap · 01/01/2015 10:36

worse is i didnt have DD last new years.... and wont have her next new years either. so, thats made me even more pissed off....

that they have fucked up something that doesnt even happen every year.

OP posts:
AlpacaStockingOnChristmasEve · 01/01/2015 10:40

Ooh, the 'blowing away the cobwebs' walk sounds fab.

MyNameIsFled · 01/01/2015 10:55

OP - turn your phone off so you aren't waiting for texts. Get out & enjoy a fab day with ur dd

slithytove · 01/01/2015 10:58

So make the most of this for you and dd.

Next year if you don't have her, it's the perfect time for your selfish family to host you and invite you and you can let your hair down

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 11:02

Op new year, new start. Cancel, and be unavailable next year for Christmas and new year, just please yourself. They sound hard work, and a bit fucked up. They don't care about you or your feelings. Be assertive to them, you will feel so much better, if mum kicks off, distance yourself!

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 11:04

Yes please yourself today, have New Years just you and dd next year, or if she is at her dads, go out with friends. You said your mums a narcissist, says it all really!

BlandandInsipid · 01/01/2015 11:19

OP please bring the pulled pork to the hospital where Im at work! I will be very appreciative of your efforts and you'll always be welcome at my house for dinner! Grin

Agree with others, tell them all to get lost! If your going to cook a feast for Xmas and new year, go to the homeless shelter to do it. They'd be bloody grateful. (And better company)

MiddleAgedandConfused · 01/01/2015 11:21

You are doing the right thing - head to the beach, blow away the cobwebs and have a great day with your DD. Agree with MyNameIsFled - switch off the phone and relax.

BikketBikketBikket · 01/01/2015 12:56

Happy New Year vintage - may it be the start of a whole new chapter in your life...one where you can do things for yourself and your DD and not for your selfish family Flowers
Hope that you enjoy your day out - stay strong, talk to your sister and brother, and don't let your Mum guilt you into doing anything that you don't want to next Christmas/NY...

TheReluctantCountess · 01/01/2015 13:12

So you cancelled it but wanted them to ring to persuade you to do it.

You do sound like hard work.

Sister77 · 01/01/2015 13:12

Hi op, I think you sound tired! Tired of work, tired of the family and fed up.
Give yourself a break. This year make it about you and your daughter. Sod everything and everyone and please yourselves.
Stop babying your mum. If you didn't do the ham, the mince pies and the 7 dishes, what would she do? Tough shit. Develop a ducks back and let the water flow of it.

Nancy66 · 01/01/2015 13:21

your whole family sounds a bit high maintenance - including you.

if you all don't really like each other then why put yourselves through all of this?

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 13:26

Exactly sister77, you are a grown adult you can have christmas and new year anyway you wish. If mum kicks up a stink distance yourself. I gave just re read your op, mabey your sister was just trying to please your mum by inviting just her for NYE. As you saidp, she doesent like hosting big family get togethers, I dont 0either. She should at least bring stuff and not come empty handed. Anyway, it sounds as though you don't want to do this type of Christmas/ New Year arrangement, so don't next year. Sod the lot of em, distance yoyrself his they start making noises.

YouTheCat · 01/01/2015 13:37

Vintage, you get a load of crap thrown your way even when you're doing what they want so take the crap and do what you want anyway.

What's the worst that could happen? They don't speak to you? That sounds like it'd be a relief.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 01/01/2015 13:46

I dint think I'm hard work.... but I do know if someone cancelled a party a few hours before it was due to start, and i thought it was likely because of something I had done.... I would call them. Or at least send some sort of reply.

OP posts: