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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hurt by this or do i need to get a grip

198 replies

vintagecrap · 31/12/2014 20:15

We have a family new years day, have always done it and for the last 8 or so years i have hosted it.

My mother was hurt before xmas as my sister wasnt going to spend xmas day with her ( nor the rest of us) and yet again hadnt invited anyone over. Noone ever gets an invite as my sister ' doesnt do family, and if she does she has to have us all and she doesnt want that'

Anyway, mum was hurt over xmas and spent a good week complaining how nice it would be to be invited somewhere, I always contribute, i cook their ham and take 7-8 dishes and made mince pies to take too. Sister took nothing but still turned up and ate all of boxing day.

Mum said its not an issue for me as i have hosted xmas day before and im on my own and working crazy hours and i always do new years day.

She made a big song and dance over the fact that my sister was unfair to leave people out and she would never do that etc etc.

i find out that my sister has organsed a meal tonight, at hers, with my mum and me and DD were not invited.

I am very hurt, have said so and have been told im being discusting to even say im hurt and how dare i.

They said they wouldnt even think of asking me as i had been at work and they knew i would be organising things for the party tomorrow... which is for them!

Ive been in floods of tears.

OP posts:
grumpyoldgitagain · 31/12/2014 21:00

But I wouldn't put myself out for them tomorrow either, get up when you feel like it and if stuff isn't ready in time then tough

Hope 2015 brings better things for you

Original poster
vintagecrap · 31/12/2014 21:01

im doing pulled pork. ive got 4 pork shoulders in the fridge.

If im doing it i need to put them on at about midnight in the slow cooker.

i dont know what to do, Ive not heard from any of them.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 31/12/2014 21:02

Just put them in the freezer.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2014 21:04

i dont know what to do, Ive not heard from any of them.

Just put them in the freezer

Bit harsh innit sooty?? Shock Shock

ChristmasEveSteve · 31/12/2014 21:05

Go out somewhere lovely for the day, enjoy it!

ilovesooty · 31/12/2014 21:06

Worra Grin

Trust you to misinterpret it.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2014 21:06

I found Aunt Bessie in mine

Branleuse · 31/12/2014 21:07

id cancel the whole thing and tell them to go fuck themselves.

grumpyoldgitagain · 31/12/2014 21:08

4 pork shoulders for pulled pork is making me feel hungry

Original poster
vintagecrap · 31/12/2014 21:09

tried calling my brother... no answer. tried his girlfriend. no answer.

was going to ask what they thought i should do.

well. bollocks to it.

im not doing it.
im just going to go to bed.
if they end up coming it will have to be at dinner time. and if they dont want that, they can fuck off.

OP posts:
BikketBikketBikket · 31/12/2014 21:09

Stick the food in the freezer, so that you and DD can have nice meals for the next few weeks with the minimum of hassle, spend the day with your DD - and tell your selfish Mum that next year, if she wants you to contribute to the Christmas meal, you will expect equal help from her on NYD - if you even feel like spending the day with her.
They (your Mum especially) have treated you appallingly, and have been very two-faced over the 'not leaving anyone out' thing... Flowers and Wine

grumpyoldgitagain · 31/12/2014 21:10

Cook them anyway then and you can freeze them in meal size portions after they are pulled and cooled down

Original poster
vintagecrap · 31/12/2014 21:12

i cant even be fucked to get the slow cooker out to be honest.

OP posts:
LittleDonkeyLeftie · 31/12/2014 21:13

You sound exhausted and hurt.

Cancel it - let's face it, it's going to be pretty shit now anyway if you do go ahead.

However, you have to promise Mumsnet that you won't sit in all day waiting for the phone to ring but you will go out with DD and have a damn good time.

Tinks42 · 31/12/2014 21:15

You do sound like you have a bit of a "martyr" thing going on to be honest here OP.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 31/12/2014 21:16

i am both.

and yep it will be shit now whatever.....

i wont sit in,...

mum ranted at me about how even if others help it still falls down to the one who is hosting, so i said that fine, if it was causing that much drama i wouldn go at xmas next year and then she went even more mental at me, screaming ' i cant believe you said that, how dare you'

cant win. if i go im awful for causing her work, if i say i wont go im the worst person in the world.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 31/12/2014 21:20

Well I'd go for option 2 here. Let everyone get right on with it, opt out and book a holiday, you arent here so therefore cant participate can you Grin

Tinks42 · 31/12/2014 21:21

for next year of course.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2014 21:33

mum ranted at me about how even if others help it still falls down to the one who is hosting

Seriously??

When all she did was stuff a turkey and set the table?

SantaBanta · 31/12/2014 21:35

Happy new year to you and dd - sod em all and do what you want!

edwinbear · 31/12/2014 21:38

If it falls to the one that's hosting, at Christmas, why are you cooking her ham, taking her 7-8 dishes, whilst your brother pays for it and your sister does the turkey, veg and lays the table?

I'd be sacking tomorrow off too, no way would I be going to so much effort for people who preferred to see the NY in without me.

Beelliesebub · 31/12/2014 21:41

I can understand you being hurt but think you should just step away, don't be emotional and tell them calmly that you are hurt, you are cancelling tomorrow and you're not putting yourself out for anyone next year.... No drama....just no!
Having said that, that's easy for me to say cos I think 'family' DH and DS's not included are pretty much arseholes by my experience and refuse to let them influence my good mood in any way Xmas Grin

gamerchick · 31/12/2014 21:56

Your mother needs a new way of dealing with her kids.
Cancel tomorrow.. go and do something nice with your daughter.

Next year change the tradition completely .. you do not put yourself out anymore.

lunar1 · 31/12/2014 22:06

Put the pork in the slow cooker and give me your address! I'd be really hurt too op, I couldn't leave my family members alone at new year.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2014 22:22

YANbU at all, I would be bloody hurt. They dident invite your mum even. sister is happy to take take take from you, but gives nothing back, sneakily has a party for family which you and your dad and mum are not invited, how nasty. sod that for a game if soldiers, start your own new tradition for tomorrow, just ask your mum.

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