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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking I did something good!

120 replies

MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 12:53

And this person is a twat!

Wrnt to do my Xmas shop and was very sad for personal reasons. Got to till and was served by a very lovely, chatty lady who was very excited to finish work in 15 mins for xmas. Talked about her 2 young children and my children.

So after paying DH was waiting for the taxi and I nipped back into the supermarket and bought a card and put £20 in it. I wrote Merry Christmas inside.

I went and gave it to her and left before she opened it.

Now I didn't tell DH because he wouldn't understand and we barely had any money left ourselves over xmas (we are on benefits at the moment)

Yesterday I told someone what I did because we were talking about the reason I was sad that day (I did it to cheer myself up!)

And their response was ...

'OMG why would you do that? You probably embarressed her. Plus cashiers aren't allowed cash on the shop floor so you probably got her in deep trouble! You should have bought her a £1 box of chocolates"

I didn't k ow what to say, felt very stupid and regretted telling her.

:(

But i stand by thinking it was nice and I hope the lady thought the same :(

OP posts:
rightsaidthread · 26/12/2014 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canyou · 26/12/2014 13:11

Thanks that was a lovely thing to do and I know it would have touched her

canyou · 26/12/2014 13:12

and all cash desks have cameras on them so if there was an issue that would have cleared her

WooWooOwl · 26/12/2014 13:13

It was a nice thing to do, but you probably could have achieved the same nice warm fuzzy feeling you get from doing something kind for a lot less than £20.

If we were on benefits and my DH gave away £20 to a stranger for no real reason I'd go ballistic at him. That is too much to give away when your own family is in need.

I doubt it will have got that lady into trouble though, so your friend is BU on that, but it's done now and your intentions were lovely, that's what you need to focus on.

Original poster
MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 13:14

We aren't in need. We have 'enough'. Enough is all you need.
Nobody went without anything because of it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/12/2014 13:17

It was a nice thought, although quite odd as a card would have done on its own I'm sure...but still a nice thought anyway.

If I was your DH I would have hit the roof because when we were on benefits many years ago, absolutely every penny counted...especially at Christmas.

Doing it behind his back really isn't on either as that's his money too.

steff13 · 26/12/2014 13:18

I'm sure she appreciated it. However, when I was a cashier, we were not permitted to accept anything that might be considered a tip. If her employer had similar rules, it might have put her in an awkward situation.

Moresproutsplease · 26/12/2014 13:19

You did a lovely thing OP.

There are always people who are ready to criticise others' deeds - it happens a lot on here too.

Original poster
MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 13:19

Maybe I've just been watching too many pay it forward videos on youtube.

Feel rather silly now.

OP posts:
haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:21

Sorry but all I can think is WHY would you do that Confused

And if we were broke and my DH was handing out £20 notes to random people I would be fuming.

HangingInAGruffaloStance · 26/12/2014 13:22

That's lovely. She would have assumed it was a card so no reason to refuse it, and a lovely surprise for her when she opened it.

Shesparkles · 26/12/2014 13:22

Please don't feel silly, you did a lovely thing, and your friend has just taken the shine off it.
The world is a better place because of people like you

caravanista13 · 26/12/2014 13:22

Such a lovely thing to do. I'm a great believer in paying it forward.

spinduchess · 26/12/2014 13:23

I think its a lovely thing to do.

Original poster
MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 13:24

It was a one off. The only time I've ever done it and the £20 hasn't been missed. Most of our family have given us money for xmas so we aren't short on it at all. We've had a very bountiful Christmas. Just thought I would share it around.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/12/2014 13:25

Now I didn't tell DH because he wouldn't understand and we barely had any money left ourselves over xmas (we are on benefits at the moment)

This is the bit I don't understand ^^

What if something unexpected happens between now and your next benefits payment?

If you and your family barely have any money left, why did you give £20 of it to a working woman?

I worked in retail for donkey's years and a card from a customer was always appreciated, but just a card.

Happy36 · 26/12/2014 13:25

It's a lovely thing to do.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2014 13:26

Most of our family have given us money for xmas so we aren't short on it at all.

I'm confused now Xmas Confused

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:27

I think if I had the inclination to give out £20 surely a charity or something ... I just am baffled at this.

Is this some sort of stealth 'look how much we have on benefits' boast?

MrsDeVere · 26/12/2014 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:28

Me too worra

Can you imagine someone posting on here - 'Aibu to be annoyed DH gave someone £20 when we are skint?'

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2014 13:29

The DH isnt annoyed MrsDeVere, she's done it behind his back so he doesn't know.

ImperialBlether · 26/12/2014 13:32

I could understand if you gave it to someone who was clearly struggling - there are plenty of people in supermarkets who look stressed at the cost of the food. I just don't understand why you gave it to this particular woman. A "Have a lovely Christmas" would have done equally well.

If my husband gave money to someone in more need than us, that would be one thing, but this woman was working while you are not - you need that money more than she does.

beginnerrunner · 26/12/2014 13:33

It was a lovely thing to do BUT not sensible. Do you have enough money to cover any emergencies e.g. doctors prescriptions, extra heating if there's a freezing spell etc.

MrsDeVere · 26/12/2014 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.