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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking I did something good!

120 replies

MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 12:53

And this person is a twat!

Wrnt to do my Xmas shop and was very sad for personal reasons. Got to till and was served by a very lovely, chatty lady who was very excited to finish work in 15 mins for xmas. Talked about her 2 young children and my children.

So after paying DH was waiting for the taxi and I nipped back into the supermarket and bought a card and put £20 in it. I wrote Merry Christmas inside.

I went and gave it to her and left before she opened it.

Now I didn't tell DH because he wouldn't understand and we barely had any money left ourselves over xmas (we are on benefits at the moment)

Yesterday I told someone what I did because we were talking about the reason I was sad that day (I did it to cheer myself up!)

And their response was ...

'OMG why would you do that? You probably embarressed her. Plus cashiers aren't allowed cash on the shop floor so you probably got her in deep trouble! You should have bought her a £1 box of chocolates"

I didn't k ow what to say, felt very stupid and regretted telling her.

But i stand by thinking it was nice and I hope the lady thought the same :(

OP posts:

Fanfeckintastic · 26/12/2014 13:36

Ah it was a really nice thing to do!! I remember chatting to a customer before saying I couldn't wait to bring DD to the circus when I got paid and he came back the next day with ring side seat tickets for us. I just thought that was such a lovely thoughtful thing to do and he was definitely not very well off himself and I wasn't exactly broke but you know how these days out are preferable on pay day!

Nothing weird about it at all OP, some people just love to point out weirdness in nice little things!

On Christmas Eve I needed a square battery and asked on a local selling page where I could get one (this was at midnight) and a lady not too far away offered me one so I gave her a bottle of wine.

People being nice is nice!

gobbynorthernbird · 26/12/2014 13:39

Sorry, OP, but I would be devastated if a complete stranger decided to bung me a few pounds after a quick chat while I was doing my job.

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:40

I'm positive this is a stealth dig about benefits: just noticed the bit about the taxi in the OP.

elspethmcgillicuddy · 26/12/2014 13:41

I wonder if you could share the personal reasons why you were feeling sad. I think that may have coloured what you did and why and maybe would help people to understand.

It was an impulsive gesture and kindly meant. It is done now. I hope she was pleased.

Original poster

MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 13:42

DH isn't annoyed at all!

We got xmas money cards( didn't have them on the 23rd but we knew we would be receiving them from several family members)

I feel really, really sad now.

I'm not going to be returning to the thread and will hide it.

On the day I did it I was having an awful day, I cried walking round the aisles, and this lady just made me feel happy and christmassy for the first time in days and I made a snap descision to do this for her.

You would think by these responses that I punched he in the face rather than put some money in a card :(

Merry Christmas everyone.

OP posts:

WannaBe · 26/12/2014 13:42

I would imagine she would have been incredibly embarrassed to have been given money by a complete stranger. a box of chocolates perhaps but money is so incredibly emotive and just gives out a completely wrong message IMO.

very strange thing to do. and if I was living with my dp and he was giving out family money to people behind my back I would hit the roof.

Original poster

MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 13:42

A family member was dying in hospital.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 26/12/2014 13:43

Sorry but I also think it's a bit odd to do that. I would be very upset if I was your DH. It's a lovely thought but a card would have done the job.

Original poster

MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 13:44

And before I go... (just read that comment) I used a taxi because we dont drive. We NEVER use taxis. We have bicyles, walk and use the bus

But would be very difficult to get a full xmas shop home on a bike.

OP posts:

Aladyinsane · 26/12/2014 13:45

Stop feeling silly, that's an order. It was a lovely thing to do. You have said yourself you have enough. If only we could all be more generous with what we give away.

It's easy to give when you have a lot but harder to give from a small amount. So you did a really lovely thing!!

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2014 13:45

Ok well if you have your reasons and doing that made you feel better, just tell your DH and I'm sure he'll understand.

But I'm confused again because you've said he's not annoyed at all?

Did you tell him about it or not?

Not worth getting upset over anyway OP, what's done is done.

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 13:47

So now I have mental health issues and am not sane?

Ffs. I am done with this place.

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 26/12/2014 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWitTank · 26/12/2014 13:49

I think it was a lovely, but perhaps not the most sensible thing to do. The lady presumably didn't mention she was short of cash, just that she was looking forward to Christmas-some people get quite offended by money offers. A quick word with her manager to say how great she was and maybe a small box of chocs (not always able to accept these from customers though depending on store policy) would have been better.
Don't be sad though. It was a really thoughtful sweet thing to do, you are obviously a very kindhearted person. I hope you are having a great Christmas

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

VerucaInTheNutRoom · 26/12/2014 13:50

You made a kind, spontaneous gesture at Christmas time. If you stopped to think about it, you might have realised it was a wee bit daft. But no harm done. I'm sorry you've been made to feel so bad by others on this thread. Chip up and all the best for 2015!

Fanfeckintastic · 26/12/2014 13:53

Ah would people stop being so bloody negative. OP is clearly having a hard time anduh lady made her feel better. Money isn't "emotive" to everyone, it's.not some weird creepy thing to do it was lovely!

Busiest time of the year for taxis is Christmas so I highly doubt that consists of everyone but those on benefits. She gave her twenty quid not a pair of worn knickers for goodness sake.

Pipbin · 26/12/2014 13:53

I used to work in retail and about 15 years ago. One time I went above and beyond for a customer helping her out of a situation by bending some rules.
About a week later she came in with a tiny gift. I have it still. It made a huge difference on those days when people would shout at me.

WannaBe · 26/12/2014 13:53

ultimately though op you asked whether yabu because your friend thought you were. Others on this thread have agreed with your frend. If you didn't genuinely want to know, why ask the question?

Fanfeckintastic · 26/12/2014 13:54

Oh my God she's now being diagnosed with bipolar disorder!! Hide the thread and have a lovely day OP

HangingInAGruffaloStance · 26/12/2014 13:56

This is AIBU so clearly people come on looking for a bit of a disagreement. Don't let that take away from what you did.

One impulsive act of kindness when sad doesn't make you mentally ill. Diagnosis by amateurs isn't to be relied upon.

Dragonfly71 · 26/12/2014 13:56

The checkout assistant made a huge difference to your day and you wanted to thank her. I don't think that's odd at all. YANBU. Don't let people diminish that kind of spontaneous kindness. Maybe it wasn't "sensible" but whatever! Hope 2015 is kind to you xx

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:56

A couple on benefits getting a taxi on Christmas Eve then handing £20 over just didn't ring quite true to me. It isn't the taxi I have an issue with at all but you'd need to be on a fairly significant amount to afford that, a Christmas shop you couldn't carry home and £20.

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 13:57

She isn't being 'diagnosed' but I am putting it forward as a suggestion.

This is odd behaviour and most odd behaviour has a reason behind it.

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