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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking I did something good!

120 replies

MogOnTheRoof · 26/12/2014 12:53

And this person is a twat!

Wrnt to do my Xmas shop and was very sad for personal reasons. Got to till and was served by a very lovely, chatty lady who was very excited to finish work in 15 mins for xmas. Talked about her 2 young children and my children.

So after paying DH was waiting for the taxi and I nipped back into the supermarket and bought a card and put £20 in it. I wrote Merry Christmas inside.

I went and gave it to her and left before she opened it.

Now I didn't tell DH because he wouldn't understand and we barely had any money left ourselves over xmas (we are on benefits at the moment)

Yesterday I told someone what I did because we were talking about the reason I was sad that day (I did it to cheer myself up!)

And their response was ...

'OMG why would you do that? You probably embarressed her. Plus cashiers aren't allowed cash on the shop floor so you probably got her in deep trouble! You should have bought her a £1 box of chocolates"

I didn't k ow what to say, felt very stupid and regretted telling her.

:(

But i stand by thinking it was nice and I hope the lady thought the same :(

OP posts:
TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 26/12/2014 14:36

Ladyluck bringing threads belonging to another poster into this is not on.

OP it's not paying it forward though, it's paying it back isn't it?! Cashier brightened your day, you brighten someone else who needs it day surely? The cashier was probably thinking WTF!

MrsDeVere · 26/12/2014 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CassieBearRawr · 26/12/2014 14:40

"Everyone is NOT having a go at the op for a start".

No, not everyone, just one or two (Not you, MrsDV)

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 14:41

The thing is ... I started a thread that was semi-good natured about my puppy and one about missing DM (died 17 years ago) DF (3 years) and DBro (2 years. By suicide if anyone's interested so my mental health remark most certainly was not snarky)

In other words, nothing LIKE handing £20 to randoms!

I STILL think if a thread had been started about someone's partner doing this many responses would be different.

gobbynorthernbird · 26/12/2014 14:43

I bet you made that cashiers Christmas

Possibly. Or embarrassed the bejaysus out of her. Who wants to feel like they appear so hard up that £20 from a stranger would be welcome?

CassieBearRawr · 26/12/2014 14:49

I spent many years in retail. Customers give you ALL SORTS. I've had money, chocolate, drinks, little gifts, toiletries, booze, as well as cards.

in thinking I did something good!
Boomtownsurprise · 26/12/2014 14:50

It was a lovely thing to do.

This bunch are a joyless bunch of whiners. Plainly jealous!

It was £20. Ffs. Not 200. Nobody died.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 26/12/2014 14:55

Jealous? Joyless? Whining?

Mmmm possibly I just thinking handing 20 pound away when you are admittedly hard up is absurd. It's easy to see it as nothing when it's Christmas and you have money from family and food and drink in the cupboard but in a matter of weeks when the washing machine breaks and the full cupboards are a distant memory 20 seems like a fortune.
Been there and a bit of forward thinking can be really useful

haphazardbystarlight · 26/12/2014 14:56

I do think £20 is - well, not a LOT, but not an insignificant amount either.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 26/12/2014 15:01

It's not the OP or other posters on here that are unreasonable or mad, it's societal conventions. If the chatty assistant had instead been a waitress in a restaurant, the OP would have been expected to have given her £20 or a similar amount just for doing her job by way of a tip, and would have been called mean if she hadn't.

And lots of people that don't have cars take their shopping home in a taxi. You can get a lot of taxi journeys for the cost of running a car and they can also be cheaper than the bus if you have more than one person travelling.

Fanfeckintastic · 26/12/2014 15:02

I knew this reminded me of something.

When my mam was dying I was heavily pregnant and working full time. I simply couldn't take time off work for one particular appointment she had that she needed someone to escort her home so my friend who had only met her a few times offered to help. She took my mam home and stayed with her all day, they really bonded. I was my mams only family and therefore the executor and sole beneficiary of her modest estate. In her last few days when she was telling me "make sure you give x this and y that", she remembered my friend and said "Oh and won't you make sure you do something for her as a thank you"

Now she probably meant, take her to lunch or buy her a nice token gift etc but grief does strange things to people and a few days after she died I found myself wondering around town and before I knew it I had booked a long weekend to New York for me and my friend. My poor, frugal mother would probably have turned in her grave at the ridiculousness of it and no doubt some posters think I need my head checked but it certainly doesn't make twenty bloody quid on Christmas Eve quite so "extreme".

wannabestressfree · 26/12/2014 15:16

Haphazard I think you have been really unpleasant on here.

I think what you did was really nice op and I hope I would do similar. If that makes me bipolar then so be it......:/

slithytove · 26/12/2014 15:19

I work in retail and not allowed to accept any gifts. If the cashier was honest about receiving it, she might have had it taken off her. No idea what they would then do with it though.

Second the no cash on the shop floor rule.

Fanfeckintastic · 26/12/2014 15:24

I manage a shop slithy and although the official line is not to accept tips, money etc, Christmas is seen differently and it is accepted. Why tip your postman and bin man but not the person who serves and helps you all year round.

saturnvista · 26/12/2014 15:33

I've just read this thread right through and found it hilarious! Haphazard, thank you for playing the part of Corner Shop Gossip to such perfection! The irony of being so concerned at a perfect stranger's Most Odd behaviour that you have to spend the afternoon convincing others that is indeed Bizarre... Words fail me. Especially the part where you insist that odd behaviour usually has a Reason before sagely acknowledging that some people are just Quirky. Lol lol lol. Penetrating insights! Great thread.

TiggerLillies · 26/12/2014 15:35

Someone I know suffered a family bereavement recently and spent a lot of money to attend the funeral. Their friends, who didn't know how short of cash they thrust an envelope of money in to their hands. The next day these friends randomly and anonymously received the same amount back in another envelope.
Life works in weird ways, but it encouraged everyone so it's a good thing, right?
The original person in the story is the kindest person I know and wouldn't think if giving their last penny away. I think good deeds are returned. Karma? God?

slithytove · 26/12/2014 15:41

Not in the large craft chain I manage fan :(

Vivacia · 26/12/2014 15:42

You've lost me TiggerLillies.

TiggerLillies · 26/12/2014 15:44

Sorry, my bad grammar / writing doesn't help. Basically, what we do - comes back to us. Maybe this woman needed money? Kindness is repaid...

Bettercallsaul1 · 26/12/2014 15:55

I think people do spontaneous, "crazy" things at Christmas that that they wouldn't dream of doing during the rest of the year - it is a time when all the influences around us combine to make us more emotional and break down our normal sense of restraint and reserve. I've, on two or three occasions, given far more than I usually would to people begging on the streets just before Christmas - not out of any illusion that it's going change the person's life in a major way but out of a generalised, very strong (but unfortunately temporary) sense of connectedness with other people. After all, it is meant to be the season of goodwill to all mankind and most of us have been brainwashed into associating Christmas time with selflessness and generosity since early childhood. (not that this is bad brainwashing!) So I understand, and sympathise with, the OP's sudden, spontaneous impulse to show appreciation and do something nice for a kind stranger at this, most emotional, time of year.

Vivacia · 26/12/2014 15:58

Basically, what we do - comes back to us. What makes you think that??

NoImSpartacus · 26/12/2014 16:00

Fuck me, OP, what you did was kind and sweet. There are some proper tossers posting on this thread, the OP has already explained that she is feeling vulnerable and yet you cannot he'll yourselves can you! Bringing up MH, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Yes this is AIBU but for once in your miserable lives why don't you try and respond as if talking to a human being, ie with some humility. Can you just try to not behave like cunts when dealing with posters who are clearly feeling sad, or is that just too much to ask?

NoImSpartacus · 26/12/2014 16:01

*help

Gaia81 · 26/12/2014 16:09

The money in a card is a bit awkward as the cashier has no chance to refuse.

I was in a coffee shop recently and put something back as I didn't have enough change on me and somebody offered to buy it for me. But there's no way I could accept when I had plenty of money in the bank. There's far more deserving recipients. As a household we have a six figure income so I'd be mortified to accept money as a gift like that, even more so if I knew the giver was on benefits.

I think that's probably where your friend was coming from

nickeljrismybabesitter · 26/12/2014 16:11

Ffs, you lot are all overreacting.

She did a really nice thi g for someonewho was nice to her, when she felt down and her spirits were lifted.

She's not insane or bipolar or unreasonabl,, she's just nice

I was given £100 by a customer once. Not an insane customer and not at christmas, but just because she knew my shop was struggling and she wanted to do something useful with her money.
(She was rather rich though, hence the big amount)

My point is that it's not a mad thing to do, and op wnbu.

Plenty of people will tip binmen, posties, etc that kind of money (and it also might be that was the only note she had)

I'm sure the cashier wasn't embarrassed - if it were me, I would be the chuffest chiffer in chufftown if a customer had done that for me.

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