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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my dd a lift to work and not charge her petrol?

124 replies

lia66 · 22/12/2014 21:39

She babysits for a lady 3 evenings a week. Lady is a carer. Dd earns £5 per hour.

The house is 3.2 miles away from our house down country roads.

Dh says she should pay petrol. I dont mind giving her a lift, she's hardly coining it in. If she goes to her bf after it costs her 2.50 for a bus.

Aibu? ( dh conveniently forgets that his mum drive him several miles to work and collected him for years at her age ). Dd is 19.

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 22/12/2014 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 22/12/2014 21:42

YANBU to not charge her petrol money

But I have to ask why a non driver would take a job that's 3.2 miles away, down a country road?

How would she get there and back if you didn't have a car?

championnibbler · 22/12/2014 21:42

i would not charge her either.

usualsuspect333 · 22/12/2014 21:44

Of course you don't bloody charge your kids petrol money.

Suefla62 · 22/12/2014 21:45

Buy her a bike.

simontowers2 · 22/12/2014 21:46

I wouldnt charge her. DH is being very silly.

TerryDolittle · 22/12/2014 21:47

No, I wouldn't charge her. I'd be proud she had found herself a little job. We all start off somewhere.
I might try and encourage her to look for work where she can be a bit more self-reliant or start driving lessons. But that comes down to her personal circumstances which I obviously don't know about.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/12/2014 21:48

I wouldn't Charge, but I would get her to make sure the car is clean < weather permitting>

LadyLuck10 · 22/12/2014 21:49

Of course you don't charge her, she's your child fgs!

trowelmonkey1 · 22/12/2014 21:49

YANBU. It's all part of being a parent and I'm genuinely shocked that your husband would even suggest such a thing! Especially if your daughter has no other safe way to get to work.

My son was ill last week and my mother made the 20 mile round trip every day for four days to look after him so I could go to work. She would never even think to ask for petrol money. I have got her gift voucher to say thank you, but I'll have to sneak it into her handbag when she's not looking. If I give it to her directly, she will just refuse to accept it!

Goldmandra · 22/12/2014 21:50

My DD1 (17) took a job 8ish miles away earning very little last year with our blessing. We are very happy to sub her the fuel until she passes her test. I don't get people who think that, once they are 16, you have to start treating them like lodger or they are never going to learn to stand on their own two feet.

ILoveOnionRings · 22/12/2014 21:51

I wouldn't charge either - I would be pleased she is giving it a go. DH should keep quiet!

Original poster
lia66 · 22/12/2014 21:53

The country lane is the way you drive to the job. She could walk 25 minutes to a bus stop then get a bus.

She just wanted a job, she was working for me but we had to close our business unexpectedly so she was left jobless a month before Christmas. All the seasonal jobs had gone by then.

She is looking for other work too and when she has enough money will be taking driving lessons.

If she stays at her bf then she can get a bus there and back for a £5 but she doesn't stay there every night.

Thanks for support, I didn't think is I but sometimes he makes me think I am.

OP posts:
thatstoast · 22/12/2014 21:54

Is she in education? Looking for a better job (bearing in mind she's earning less than NMW)? What are her long term plans? I think for the short term it's fine but you don't want her doing it for years.

Bettercallsaul1 · 22/12/2014 22:39

You are definitely not being unreasonable, OP! Doing things to help each other is one of the main ways we show love.

Sazzle41 · 22/12/2014 22:43

Part time jobs are rare in the country, charging her petrol is mean. She is going to take driving licences so dont de incentivise her keen-ness to work.

LaQueenAnd3KingsOfOrientAre · 22/12/2014 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistAndAWeepingRain · 22/12/2014 22:52

Of course you shouldn't charge her.

Your DH sounds tight and unpleasant.

Tobyjugg · 22/12/2014 22:52

Never charged petrol for dc's. Still don't and they're now in their 20s.

JeanSeberg · 22/12/2014 22:55

Is your husband her father?

Original poster
lia66 · 22/12/2014 23:09

No dh is not her father.

She's not in education, as I said, she was working for me up until a month ago.

I'm not going to charge her of course. Just annoys the bloody hell out of me that he goes on about it.

OP posts:
ILoveOnionRings · 22/12/2014 23:28

Tell him to stop being a Bah Humbug - Mr Scrooge Xmas Wink

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 22/12/2014 23:31

Is your DH her Dad? Sounds mean. I think Well a Done your DD on securing a part time job. If she were my DD, I'd be 100% behind her, and really annoyed at DH for even suggesting petrol money.

handcream · 22/12/2014 23:35

I am sorry but if it was his DD, I bet he wouldnt dream of charging

MidniteScribbler · 22/12/2014 23:40

I wouldn't charge her. My parents made sure I was supported when I got my first part time job when I was at school, and even though it must have been horribly inconvenient, they saw it as part of their job as parents to support me in developing a good work ethic.

I would however encourage her to be looking for other work and getting a full time job.