To give my dd a lift to work and not charge her petrol?

[lia66]

She babysits for a lady 3 evenings a week. Lady is a carer. Dd earns £5 per hour.

The house is 3.2 miles away from our house down country roads.

Dh says she should pay petrol. I dont mind giving her a lift, she's hardly coining it in. If she goes to her bf after it costs her 2.50 for a bus.

Aibu? ( dh conveniently forgets that his mum drive him several miles to work and collected him for years at her age ). Dd is 19.

She should have her licence by now? Some posters are on cloud cuckoo land- lessons here are about £25 per hour, £25 to do your theory, £45 to do the practical test (£60+ on a weekend), and that's before you insure the family car which could be £1,000 or more. That's a lot of money to someone whose sole source of income is £5 per hour for three evenings a week. I'm assuming these posters have young children and are going to get a shock when they get to seventeen and start chatting about learning to drive.

My teenager has just passed the driving test

3 attempts at theory, more attempts at practical, insurance 1500 quid

I don't want them driving some old banger either so that's about 3 grand for the car

Yeah, should have been on the roads years ago, eh ? On a teenager's earnings ?

Get in the real world....

A lot cheaper to give a lift than have her driving! Where is she supposed to find the money to have lessons, take the test, buy and run a car?

As often as I can, I drive DD to her job on the other side of town. She could, and sometimes does, cycle, but it's worth the petrol money many times over for the 20 mins in the car we get alone for a lovely chat.

Gosh, I haven been on Mn for a day or two.

Thank you for all responses. I won't charge her of course. Dh is being a twat. He doesn't like dd, they have history from her early teenage years that he will never forgive her for- stealing mostly. He's been her ds since she was 7. He doesn't treat her very kindly.

My business closed because we had corrupt landlords and my premises was repossessed and I was evicted with 7 days notice so although we have lost money. It wasn't because of financial hardship to whoever thought that might be the case.

Sometimes she stays at her bf and sometimes here so it's not even every time she works because she gets the bus when at her bf and she is looking for a full time job.

Yes we (I) chose to live rurally as we have an amazing garden and 6 dc including dd, however, 2 and a half years in we're looking at moving next year and my must have is public transport links as now the children are all getting older, I fear I will be spending a lot more time in the car if we stay here :)

I don't mind giving her a lift, just as dh didn't mind mind picking ds up from a party 5 miles away at 2 am on Saturday. I like chatting to her, we sing in the car. If dh would get over thinking she's the devil incarnate he'd see she's actually a nice young woman.

As far as any kind of payment goes, she babysits for us if we go out and looks after her siblings if I ask her to. I don't do it often but she takes them to the cinema or swimming sometimes. I consider all of this stuff to work out as family stuff.

OP, I am sure you didn't post for a critique of your parenting but seriously ?

You stayed with a man who made it plain he "didn't like" your early teens daughter ?

Poor girl.

Oh anyfucker you only have to search my name to see their history. I know all of that but I have her home, they live side by side and we have 5 younger siblings, 4 of whom are his to think about. Dd knows I'll always be on her side.

Dear god op!

My dcs mean the world to me far above any bloke and I know without hesitation that my dh would be
just as ruthless about our children far above any woman.

Of fucking course you don't charge your kids! Good god!

My parents can be tight at times but wouldn't dream of charging me for a 3 mile lift! your DP is being outrageous

I hope your relationship with your daughter survives your relationship with her stepfather

Mine with my mother didn't

It will, we have been through everything life can throw at us.

At your invitation, lia, I have searched your threads about your daughter. I can see you have really been through the mill with her.

Which begs the question why when things are settling down and she is holding down a job (of sorts, but one that could generate a good reference and fill a hole in her CV) your husband is still sniping ?

In my world we take any job that pays rather than the dole. That's called pride.

Sorry op your comment that'your dh doesn't like your dd!

That's it really.

You shouldn't have to take sides between your dd and DH. ..he should have grown up and acted like a parent not someone with a grudge.

Silly man.

I'd give her a lift. As long as they are grateful and aknowledge my loveliness I don't mind.

For sure ur dd has put you through the mill op.

Still as others have said she is young and your dh is an adult.

Really admire you for holding it together but would now give give your dh tough love. Your dd getting there.

She's 19, not 30. it sounds like OP lives in an area that isn't public transport friendly. that's not the child's fault.

I wouldn't charge. no way.

If your daughter is turning over a new leaf, I think it's best to support her, and I'd tell your DH the same. If this was his biological child, he wouldn't have even brought it up most likely.

Even so, she's doing some growing up by the sounds of it. You can't hold teenage years over an adult's head. I'm sure he did some stupid shit as a kid himself. Everyone does.

The Stepfather thing is erroneous. My SF was far lovelier than my mum.

It entirely depends on how rural, how far, what conditions. I live rurally. I would happily bike 5 miles each way ( and do, regularly) in the Spring, Summer, Autumn. Less so in the Winter if the roads are not white lined and the bike is not fitted with huge lights. I think a bike is a fair offer, and may also mean other jobs are available, if they are commutable. However, I would not expect any DS or DD to bike in the dark unless equipped, and never in unfavourable weather. I think your DH is being tight. Does he drive a gas guzzler? My car would be fine with that mileage. It's nothing. we walk that with the kids to school each day.

Where I am, I would say yes to one direction out of our village, but no to the other, entirely based on the driving along the roads.

i do think a bike is a great idea for the nicer months though. I regulary commuted 7 miles per day on my bike to my teaching job and it was so great; the fittest i've ever been, free, and weirdly, I rarely got rained on.

Of course you shouldn't charge her for petrol. DH used to ferry DSD everywhere without asking her for petrol. She did her fair share of babysitting in return. Then she got her driving licence at 19 and sorted her own car and insurance when she could afford too.

I agree with LaQueen. I wouldn't charge my child petrol. I like helping them. A bike. For sure. On country roads at night. I'd go through hell and high water for my child to avoid that.

'He doesn't like dd, they have history from her early teenage years that he will never forgive her for- stealing mostly. He's been her ds since she was 7. He doesn't treat her very kindly.'

Wow. I'd have told him to sling his hook. NO man comes before my kids.

agree entirely with laqueens posts here