To give my dd a lift to work and not charge her petrol?

[lia66]

She babysits for a lady 3 evenings a week. Lady is a carer. Dd earns £5 per hour.

The house is 3.2 miles away from our house down country roads.

Dh says she should pay petrol. I dont mind giving her a lift, she's hardly coining it in. If she goes to her bf after it costs her 2.50 for a bus.

Aibu? ( dh conveniently forgets that his mum drive him several miles to work and collected him for years at her age ). Dd is 19.

If she had her own house she would have to pay her way

Yes, but she doesn't have her own house and I seriously doubt she could afford to have her own house so it is irrelevant.

People who have suggested a bike, there is no way my child would be cycling home down country roads after evening baby sitting.

Of course I would help her and of course it wouldn't stop. They would help me- that is what families are for.

Of course you don't charge Her..
My dad used to charge me petrol when he took me anywhere. he was a bloody millionaire too thought IT taught us values. taught us he was a tight bastard

What LaQ said.

every time he mentions it, bloody remind him what a stonking hypocrite he is being and how many years his mum ferried him around!

He is being a tight git.

I knew before it was asked that your DH wasn't her father. My stepfather was the same and I can spot them a mile off.
YANBU to drive your DD to her job. If she was earning more I'd say charge her a small amount of petrol money but its not as if she's earning much.

Are you being unreasonable to do something nice for your daughter while encouraging her to work. No you aren't.

I wouldn't charge her either.

No, you shouldn't charge her at the rate she's earning and for that short distance. If it was more like 10 miles and she was on at least double that per hour, then maybe a nominal amount - but still not really. Your DH sounds like he doesn't like having to support your DD - does he actually like her?

I'm all in favour of children learning that there aren't many free passes in life; but he's being overly stingy and mean. She's not exactly freeloading, is she!

I'm not saying cut them off, I'm saying they need to learn to support themselves, be self-sufficient if needed.

Being offered support in one aspect of your life doesn't prevent you from becoming self sufficient.

Lots of teenagers would be looking for excuses not to get jobs so they could sit around gaming or lie in bed 'til all hours. Plenty would also expect their parents to fund driving lessons, insurance and first cars.

My DD worked very hard for a lot of hours to save up the money to pay for her own first car and driving lessons. She hasn't yet passed her test so relies on us to get her to work at the moment. Giving her lifts doesn't in any way prevent her from learning to be self sufficient. In fact, if we hadn't been prepared to take her, she wouldn't have been able to save up and pay for the car.

It's quite sad the people think they have to be so brutal with their teenaged children. I would like to think that we have many years of supporting each other ahead of us. One day I may be relying on my DD to give me lifts and I'd like her to do it because she's always felt supported and wants to give something back.

No, I wouldn't charge her.

I agree with a PP about choosing to live in the sticks. We live rurally with a very limited bus service. We chose to do that, as a result I fully expect to be operating Mum's taxi for several years to come

She should have her license by now. Should she? Is that a new law in the UK? Perhaps she is working on it, perhaps she can't afford it, perhaps she isn't allowed to get a licence (like my friend who has epilepsy) How do you know that dd isn't driving the car under her mums supervision in order to get her licence?

She isn't treating her mother like anything. She is asking for help to get to & from a job. Her mum doesn't mind, I don't see why you all do!

How do you know she didn't talk to mum about transport before she said yes to the job?

Agree AnyFuckerForAMincePie! At the grand age of 30 I couldn't drive as I could never afford to get a car & insure it, and in all fairness, didn't need to (thankfully dh was happy to drive me around, even to work & back when I did a night job while a sahm). Now as a driver (because I moved to Australia & not driving wasn't an option (who wants to stand at a bus stop in 40o) I drive dh all over. He leaves his car at work sometimes on a Friday night to drink with the lads, I pick him up...I take him to pick his car up at the weekend. I drive him to football (parking/public transport is shocking & $$) I drive him to & from concerts.

And I would do all that for my children.

I have even picked up PILs from a show as they were going to have to leave before final curtain to get the last bus home.

It's called helping family.

I'd not dream of charging DS petrol money. Quite sad that some families don't help each other out under the guise of tough love.

Maybe she doesn't want to learn to drive, not everybody does as its a huge responsibility.

My parents used t charge me petrol money, and rent when I had a Saturday job paying £3.19 an hour. I used to come out with about £5 a week.

But then my parents are grabby!

She should have her license by now

.

Not everyone is cut out for driving you know....

My stepfather was the same and I can spot them a mile off. My SF was lovely, much kinder than my mum...he would drive us anywhere, perhaps that's where I get it from, sure isn't from my mother.

How much would petrol actually be? Like £1 for both ways. What are you going to do? Put your hand out for a coin on arrival? Utterly bizarre. If you are keen on reciprocation, then maybe a basket of ironing every 2 weeks etc. I think he's being nasty tbh.

'If you are keen on reciprocation, then maybe a basket of ironing every 2 weeks etc. I think he's being nasty tbh.'

That's how it works in my family as my children are adults, living at home and not well-off. They pay in labour and general helpfulness.
Have you reminded DP about all the lifts his mum gave him? I would.

'It's quite sad the people think they have to be so brutal with their teenaged children. I would like to think that we have many years of supporting each other ahead of us. One day I may be relying on my DD to give me lifts and I'd like her to do it because she's always felt supported and wants to give something back.'

Exactly. It's not all about money and owing people and worrying about being taken advantage of. Home life shouldn't be fraught and stressful if you can help it.

Jeez, my parents and in-laws would never charge me petrol money even now I'm married, homeowner, good job. If for example they're collecting me from a train station, we share a car going out for dinner etc... To do so would be very stingy indeed!

I grew up in the countryside and its part of raising a family in the countryside to give your kids lifts to places - after all, they didn't choose to live in the countryside.

Tbh I find it pretty mean to charge friends petrol money too

My DS is 16 and has a PT job in a restaurant in a very rural location. He does give us money towards petrol, it's not a set amount or charge, but DH and I are both out of work at the moment and without it we would struggle to put fuel in the car some weeks.

At this time of year he has loads of shifts, so he gave me £10 yesterday towards fuel. He usually gives us something from his share of tips rather than his wages.

If we were better off, then I would expect some sort of gesture, maybe doing something like helping to clean the car. A friend gave him a lift a few weeks back and he gave him a bar of chocolate instead of cash as a thank you!

no of course you should not charge her, how silly

How long has your DH been her stepfather? Has he always been a bit of an arse?
She's earning very little, it's probably less than if she signed on.

My parents used to charge me rent when I was working. not much nit I was in a minimum wage job.

so years of living at home with them unable to afford things other than necessities (not their fault i know) I ended up not even being able to afford anything when I was working either.

I literally waited years to be able to ever afford anything like decent clothes.

It wasn't character building or any other name you want to attach to it

it's bloody hard in fact to motivate yourself early on to keep working when someone is there to take it away from you before you even move out and expect to have to.

MN fascinates me- there are such odd views, it is a revelation that some people live like that! I wouldn't even think of charging for petrol, whatever the age.