To ask dh not to go to work Christmas party

[Edenviolet]

Dh has his work party and I really, really don't want him to go.

I'm tired and could really do with the help with dcs in the evening,my Dgm passed away yesterday and I'm quite upset and I would really rather he stayed at home.

He seems to really want to go, was talking about getting the train in rather than driving as usual so he can drink. I feel guilty that I will be ruining his 'fun' but I need him at home.

AIBU ?

To be honest there is no backup plan, I'm assuming if dh and I died tomorrow a relative would have to take dd to her hospital up in London and they would have to do it. At first it took us about half an hour to do each change, now its about 15 mins for the pump change and 10 for the sensor change but we've done a lot so have got quicker than we were.
Its a multiple step process, drawing up insulin, replacing a cartridge, reloading it in the pump then attaching it to the insertion device, priming the line etc.

I'm really sorry that my post annoyed you. I know you have a hard time.

I could see - before your breakdown - that your DC's have complex needs but hedgehog you're acting as though they cannot even be on their own.

I don't know what regime you have in palace and I wouldn't like to judge but they don't seem to need the constant care you're making out wherein you need a second person to be at your side.

So where is your husband now?

how old are the children Hedgehog? Have you tried homestart in your area...?

They can't be alone, things are unpredictable. I can't risk it. In the past I've asked dd to keep an eye on dd2 and ds1 while I went to the toilet, I was gone less than five mins, she fainted and I came downstairs to her on the floor and then dd2 alarm went off so I had a hypo to treat and an unconscious dd1.

Homestart lady comes ev week for two hours

Dcs 13,7,5 and 2

It sounds exhausting.
You've told us that DH takes holidays, but you can't afford to buy-in assistance for the Dc's healthcare. That really doesn't seem fair. When was the last time you had 1 night away from the DC, devoted totally to doing what you wanted?

You do need to get local assistance with setting up a proper back-up plan. Something as simple as food-poisoning could mean there was nobody to do the cannula changes, which would endanger your DD. What is the risk assessment at her school if you are not available (e.g. at a hospital appointment some distance away with another child?)

I'm so reluctant to suggest anything, because this is your life, and it seems patronising to think you haven't thought of everything.

I do wonder though why a 13, 7 and 2 year old can't be left for 15 minutes though. 13 and 7 can occupy the 2, and the 7 is old enough to call you if the 13 faints.
You have to do this change every other day, and you can't guarantee not being on your own. So I'd really prioritise that - talking to them to find a solution.

Can your 2yo go to a nursery close to your 5yo's school? Then 2 mornings a week you do her cannula during his session? Drop at nursery, take her on to school, do the change in the 15 mins before school starts, back to nursery? (horrible to leave him there upset, but he necessary in this case sadly)

I don't know if the cannula can only be changed at home (refrigerated drugs maybe?) but perhaps school could help you find a solution.

Sorry I am with grays. You need to look at your negativity and how this will reflect on your children and how they look at being ill. Positivity will help them address their needs as they get older and can do things for themselves.
This comes from someone in a similar position. I manage as a single parent though. I just feel like you don't solutions and that says a lot about you.

We tend to do cannula change after bath as dd has had a lot of infections.

Ds1 can't be trusted at all, he has even stepped over and ignored dsis having a seizure, proffering to go and hide rather than tell anyone

Of course a 13 year old can help herself with those issues.

Apologies if I'm wrong about this, but it does sound like the cannula change is decided quite ad hoc, whenever you can get help to watch the kids, within the very frequent time constraints.
You post a lot about the stress of it. That sounds like the sheer variability and constant planning of it will be adding a huge about of stress.
I wonder if a rigid schedule that depends only on regularly available people would help?
Forget family.

Change on Sat/Sun/Tue/Thu (for example). Husband there for weekends (if he works Mon-Fri?) home start covers one weekday, nursery another.

Or if he's not settling at nursery, get a babysitter 3x a week for an hour, instead of paying for nursery.

I know I'm focusing on the cannula and you have so much more to deal with, but it comes up time and time again and it seems like a huge amount of stress trying to plan anew every single week.

by the sounds you need to start getting the children to become a little more independent

nothing massive but start small,they will also gain confidence ans in the long run make your family a happier place to be

Which one has seizures?
I would imagine oldest dd at 13 is beginning to know how to manage not fainting? Dd is aware of how to avoid dizziness and fainting (nothing like pots and as she's older). I think you should take a chance on leaving t hem alone together - fainting surely can't cause lasting damage even if she did?

Just wanted to add I'm sorry if I seem patronising making suggestions. My brother has 4 with additional needs, 1 quite complex leading to severe sleep deprivation. None as complex as yours. He and SIL freely admit they can't think for tiredness and are happy to take suggestions, hence risking it with you.

Sorry, its dsis that has seizures not one of dcs.

Sometimes dd1 can avoid fainting other times not. She's getting better at it but I still worry

Leave the 7yo to it for 15 minutes.
Keep 13yo in with you to sit quietly while you do the change - and have her watch 2yo in own bedroom on video baby monitor?

And does the 2yo not go to bed earlier than the others?
Can you do 5yo's cannula after his bedtime, so at least you're taking one out of the equation. Both the 13 and 7yo sound old enough to sit in same room as you without interrupting the change?
(Or change in morning before getting 2yo up if he sleeps later)

Of course you worry. That's why we're here - to make suggestions you're too exhausted or stressed to think of. I do think you need to reassess strengths as well as difficulties - could dd not supervise tv time for fifteen minutes?

Anyway, goodnight all and have a lovely Christmas those who are celebrating .

Ds2 currently does not go to bed well or sleep through, but we are addressing that with the help of his consultant, pain relief and a change of diet. Hopefully it'll improve.

I could try some of the suggestions but it just seems a lot of added stress when dh could/should help

Merry Christmas to you all

He doesn't go to bed well, I know. But realistically, can you do the cannula after he is normally asleep? Possibly by waking your daughter up for it, once he's gone off.

And yes, your husband should help. But you obviously need strategies in place for managing it alone. Not lest because you sound like you might want to drop him altogether at some point.

Even making mornings the time might be less stressful, because then it's done - no matter how difficult at the time. You wouldn't spend all day weighed down by the stress of knowing you had to manage it that evening.
Can you do the change before everyone leaves for work and school?

Can't do it when she's asleep or after waking her as she needs to eat after a change to check its working.
I will try 'training' them to be good while I get it done! Bribing with something might have to work