To expect people to use my actual surname when sending us Xmas cards

[CantStopEatingCheese]

First AIBU post so be gentle!

Every year this gets to me. I am married but never changed my surname to DH's surname. Every year Christmas cards arrive with "Mr + Mrs DHSurname" on the envelope. I am not Mrs DHSurname, I am Mrs CantStopEatingCheese. I would expect cards addressed to "Mr DHSurname and Mrs CantStopEatingCheese". Is that too much to ask?

I can uderstand it coming from elderly relatives (for whom the concept might be alien). I can understand it from people who maybe don't know us very well (or only know DH and might not be aware of my surname). I can even understand cards addressed to "DHSurname Family" (both DCs have his surname so there are more of them than me). But from my own parents? Close friends of mine who've known me since before I got married? Is this not a bit weird?

Can I add that I come from a country where women don't change their name when getting married (there is no official way for achieving this) and that when this law was passed back in the 80's my mum changed her name back to her maiden name (my parents are still married).

Really sorry for your loss, Daisy. How awful people can be.

Another one who isn't "fucking grateful", charming. If you don't want to send cards, then don't.

Wow so many people who just don't think it's important to get the womans name correct.

*I can't be doing with having to think or not abut whether I am offending people.

Just be fucking grateful that during this really busy time I have taken the time sit down and write a card

I really can't be bothered to care about it to be honest. It's a Christmas card. A nice thing

YABU. Nobody will actually give a second thought to that. Why do you actually care?!

If card has your first name in it then don't worry about it

I'm afraid you are. Using it is not a legal requirement but that is still your correct title. They pronounce you husband and wife, not husband and someone who won't take her husband's surname for some invented reason

Can't be arsed fannying about with second names on already over crowded envelopes.

Can't imagine a man having the same comments directed at him. It's like feminism didn't happen.

I think that technically you are Mrs Whatever when you marry, whether you use it or not. You can use it whenever you want as the name is legally yours.

Using your husband's name is a courtesy title and nothing more. A generally accepted convention in the UK, there's no legal stuff involved.

And according to Debrett's, the correct title and name to use for a married woman is the one she has chosen to use herself

If a woman does not use her husband's name then it is absolutely NOT correct to call her Mrs HisName.

Goodness gracious me there are some real dinosaurs on MN aren't there?!

yy Fry it would be correct nor legal either.

AArrggghh!! I meant it wouldn't be correct or legal

I think the only privileged status of mrs whatever is you can change official details (passport etc) more cheaply than if it's a name change by deed poll for another reason .

Interesting that people somehow manage to find out the man's name and don't simply address cards to Mr Hername, if they are mainly friends with the woman. But it's too much of a hassle the other way?

People who try to insist that Mrs husband'ssurname is a married woman's legal or real name or just a correct 'alternative' to the name she chooses, are nothing more than mouth-frothing thickos who think women shouldn't be allowed to not change their name, I concluded after years of this. People who insist on arguing that grass is purple or cows have 10 legs or that completely untrue things they wish were true, were true, can't waste my breath on them any more.

My nan used to send me cheques to Myfirstname exHsurname (even tho i kept my name) but the bank refused to accept them to our joint account (they acted completely bewildered in this scenario, like they couldn't comprehend it). Nan refused to write my real surname as 'that isn't legal' but would continue sending them and then complaining that i hadn't cashed them. It was an exercise in circular frustration.

I got married last month, and queried with the registrar re not changing my name as my DM was convinced that not changing it would be a hassle. The registrar assured me that I would always legally be Jammy Mysurname, but that I could choose to use my husband's surname if I wished. It is a convention and not law. So, to all the dinosaurs on here who believe wrongly that I am legally Jammy Husbandname. My DM is still incredulous that I am allowed to keep my own name.

As an aside, my MIL insists that even though she knows I've kept my name she will from now on call me Husbandname. She's lovely apart from that though, so I simmer quietly.

This all reminds me of my dad; he used to tell people "All of my children kept their names when they got married." (Two daughters, two sons.)

I like your dad, Scone

Years ago when we were all unmarried I used to just put first names then address, how common is that????

ie: Sarah & Jack
101 The Street
............

To avoid offence, just address the envelope

All at Rose Cottage

or All at No. 15 Blue Street

Got one today off DH's aunt addressed to

Mr & Mrs DH's initial DH's surname, and then inside she spelt my name wrong so that it became a different name ie Hannah rather than Anna

Sigh. I got my PhD about a month ago, with much excitement and congratulations from my aunt. Her card arrived today. Mr and Mrs DH Hisname.

Congrats on the PHD Dr Annie YourName!

Annie. Did you really expect your family to start calling you Dr?

First names is just wrong. Plain wrong.

I thought Annie meant that as it was her congratulations card it would definitely be addressed to her? That would be reasonable.

I addressed all of my cards to my friends by their names, no Mrs & not including their husbands' names. Even though in some cases, the husband was actually my mate first & I became friends with his wife.
Inside, I wished Happy Christmas to both & their kids, all named. I wouldn't be offended by anything sent by a friend, just glad that thought of me & are saying hello!

I didn't change my name but I the title of Mrs. So I am Mrs HowsTheSerenity and DH is Mr LeavesUsedTeaBagsInTheSink.
I use Mrs because I know I am married and don't like Ms. I like the German version. Everyone is Fraulein when they are little girls and Frau when then are adults. Like Master and Mister. It's age not marital status that determines your title.