To think that this is the most embarrassing thing to happen to anyone, ever?

[zaracharlotte]

PIL's staying at ours this weekend. DH and I snuck off to our room whilst PIL were walking the dog.

Turns out, we thought they'd left the house when they hadn't. Cue MIL walking in our bedroom to ask where we keep the poo bags. I was squatting butt naked with DH's knob in my mouth whilst he leaned against the wardrobe.

So yeah, my MIL saw me giving her son a blow job.

Kill me now.

Please can someone cheer me up with your stories? MIL hasn't looked us in the eye since!

Your ladt stiry does remind me of a recent night out round friends though lets just say kitchen utnsils were sterilised.

Kitchen utensils????? Palate knife........soup ladle.....wooden spoon ........ whisk............strainer spoon..........bread knife.....egg separator.........what on earth would you do with them 'filthy sex' that meant they needed sterilising? DH and I must have no imagination

I'm sitting here snorting with laughter and giving dh the edited highlights.
He's just reminded me that his mother once wandered in to the lounge offer me a cuppa and caught me in flagrante before quality backing out of the room.
The guy in question wasn't dh. Oh no. This was years ago when a load of us used to make our way 'oop North' to visit dh and crash over after a night out. He's still a mutual friend of ours too thankfully lives abroad.
MIL is a former nurse though and had seen it all. Thankfully we get on well and she doesn't really mention it too often.

Did you use any of these utensils whilst dishing up the shepherds pie?

Thank you so much to the person who put the link on for the your minge thread. I cried with laughter and every time I think about it I start laughing again

.

Good news! DH finally got finished off last night!

You do all make me laugh. Thanks so much everyone!

I concede. BigFatGoalie wins. I knew there would be something worse!!!

YES! I have won something! (Well pleased)
I've just read my previous two posts and will never have sex again. Ever.
Don't think DM realised anything about the kitchen utensils.
DF was using the nutcracker with gay abandon the following day.

BigFatGoalie from now on, if anyone ever brings up MIL-blowjobgate, I am going to breathe a sigh of relief and thing 'well at least she didn't see my fanny spread eagle on a massive flatscreen in the living room'

Bigfatgoalie thank you for your stories. You are a clear winner, sorry op x

Speaking of which. My 50 year old cousin was flicking through some photos on his phone showing my brother when he flicked too far showing his wife in all her glory spread eagled! Only a smart phone screen so much smaller glory than Goalie though!

So this is penisbeaker ptII, then?

BigFatGoalie, you are my hero

A funny story but so obviously made up. Too many inconsistencies in the tale for me to believe it I'm afraid

Is that me youre talking about youareallbonkers? You couldn't be more wrong if you tried if so.

Please, do elaborate on my inconsistencies.

Is there a mirror on the front of the wardrobe, OP?

No, there's not.

I am wondering whether I should share the story of the dick-pic on my phone and my mum.

Oh, I love this thread ... a young and very close relative of mine (got to be discreet here) lived nearby. She'd given me some sweaters to handwash (I am a whiz at laundering delicate stuff) and said that when I brought it back, if she wasn't in, to let myself into her flat and leave the sweaters on the bed. OK, fine, I'd done it before.

Went round with the clean stuff - rang her bell. No reply. Rang again ... right, she's not in. So let myself into her flat, into her bedroom ... and there she and boyfriend were, at it like rabbits! Boyfriend paused mid thrust, looked at me, then said with admirable aplomb: 'Hi, Ms. Oldgrandmama, do sit down, take the weight off your feet ...'

I dumped the sweaters and scarpered pretty quick.

Not my story but one I read on MN in the past.. Her and her partner stumbled outnof a night club and decided to have sex on the bonnet of a parked car. They finished up, got dressed, and as they were walking away the car's engine turned on and slowly drove away.

DF was using the nutcracker with gay abandon the following day.

I just about died laughing (v, v, quietly) in the office.

Back when I was a teenager my ex and I were caught by his grandad! He jumped off and hid behind the door leaving me naked on the bed not knowing what to do other than draw my knees up in front of me and almost die of embarrassment. Feeling better about it after reading this thread!

Well your tale of woe has caused me to make my 1st post in 4 years of membership (LOL - I've already said tail AND member!)

Few days after end of 1st yr Uni my on-off Nordic rugby playing 6'4 (I'm 5'1) bf and I had tickets to a comedy show. Things got a little heated on the way to the car afterwards - got chased off by a policeman.
Somehow (damn hormones!) he persuaded me to take him back to my Mum's. Though we had to stop for a quickie in the service station car park on the way - only to be interrupted by an air horn - we were blocking the lorry lane. Finally made it back to Mum's, 'hi mum, bye mum', up to guest room at speed of light. a cousin was staying over & it was she who told me, weeks later, that she and my Mum had been in the room underneath, drumming along to our frantic bonking, while the two of them giggled and improvised sports commentary.
Maybe the reason that my Mum never said anything to me directly about this had something to do with me having found a dildo in her room a few days previously?!
So, maybe no one part of that hits a higher cringe rating than yours but by accumulation?? Hope it gave u a giggle anyway.
& BTW I agree with the MN-er who said they brought it on themselves.

Could have been worse - MIL might have walked in on you blowing FIL...