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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby asleep with a working monitor whilst I go next door for Christmas drinks?

252 replies

PatButchersLostEaring · 12/12/2014 20:36

Really unsure if this is a bad idea so opinions please.

Baby 18 months sound asleep with monitor on and working. DH next door quaffing mulled wine and I plan to join him...... Maybe.

Is this ok?

OP posts:
jbledyeah · 12/12/2014 23:08

There are no laws on the age of which a child should be left, you are right. but there is plenty of policies and guidance out there which have been used in safeguarding court cases.

The threshold for social services intervention and a section 47 enquiry is if the child is deemed to be suffering to likely to suffer significant harm. the definition of significant harm is subjective, yet certainly includes emotional abuse and neglect, and will be judged by the professional involved in the case. so one could say, leaving an 18 month old baby alone whilst someone goes out drinking, is risk of serious harm and neglect. therefore, an investigation would be launched.

Gavlarrr · 12/12/2014 23:12

You're joking right?! God some people never cease to amaze me! Get a babysitter or stay at home ffs

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 12/12/2014 23:14

No it's not ok!

'Parents leave 18 month baby home alone to go and booze with the neighbours'...who wants to be that kind of parent?

ThePinkOcelot · 12/12/2014 23:17

No way.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 23:19

As I said above, this is not something I have ever had to contemplate so this is purely an exercise in logic for me. Thats why I am questioning why it is an issue of who's property she and the baby are in rather than physical distance that makes the difference.

But I cant helping rolling my eyes at how the OP popping next door for a glass of mulled wine, baby monitor in hand and checking in person regularly has become her "going out drinking " or "going boozing"! And how it will inevitably end up with her flat burning down without her noticing and her child being abducted as Madeline McCann did.

Only on MN..........

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 12/12/2014 23:23

No,only in the real world Bogey

I can't imagine why anyone would find it acceptable tbh

jbledyeah · 12/12/2014 23:24

However you describe it, she is leaving her house to drink. she is going out drinking.

Whether she was going out drinking or popping to the shops for milk is a completely null and void point. Leaving an 18 month old baby for any length of time is irresponsible parenting. being down the bottom of your garden is a very different circumstance to being off your property completely. if you are off your property, you have no knowledge of what is going on there, baby monitor in hand or not.

jbledyeah · 12/12/2014 23:26

why take a risk when it involved a child?

Selinasupreme · 12/12/2014 23:28

Not a single person said a tragedy was inevitable but It is however POSSIBLE.

You wouldn't do it yourself yet you still disagree with what I said? Putting the washing out could be seen as a necessity, going for a drink with the neighbour isn't a necessity it's socialising at the cost of your child's safety. Both are completely different scenarios. I have used extreme examples because this is something that has baffled me, I am so shocked that people think it's ok. As for the flippant use of the word "hysterical" are you for real? If thinking it's not ok to leave the child alone in a flat to drink wine with the neighbour is hysterical then I'm really proud to be hysterical.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 23:31

being down the bottom of your garden is a very different circumstance to being off your property completely.

How? I want to know! If I was at the bottom of my garden I would be 5 times (at least) farther away from my child than if I was in next doors living room.

if you are off your property, you have no knowledge of what is going on there, baby monitor in hand or not.

and if you are the bottom of your garden then you do?

As I have said, this is not and will never be an issue for me, but I simply dont see that the presence of a front door between you and the child is the issue. For me it is distance. I would rather be 10 feet away with a landing and 2 front doors between (the OP is in a flat) than 100 feet away!

No,only in the real world Bogey

Actually no. In the real world your child is more likely to come to harm when you are at home than a random person abducting them or your house burning down.

ravenAK · 12/12/2014 23:31

I think it's perfectly acceptable, actually.

My dc have been asleep for several hours now, whilst I've been out at a works do & dh has been two floors away from them working.

Neither of us, frankly, has given the kids a thought since dh put them to bed.

'Dh working in the basement studio' would be just as unlikely as 'dh drinking mulled wine next door' to hear a fire starting or an intruder breaking in.

Carlat86 · 12/12/2014 23:33

I'm not sure how legal it is. I personally wouldn't risk it.

Selinasupreme · 12/12/2014 23:33

Bogey please stop arguing for augments sake.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 23:33

You wouldn't do it yourself yet you still disagree with what I said?

I didnt say that I wouldnt do it, I said that it hasnt and never will be an issue for me. I would judge the situation on its merits. As it is, in the OPs situation then I would judge that as less risky than her going down to her shared garden (assuming she has one) to hang her washing out. She would be further away and the monitor would not work as well over a longer distance. As I said, its based on pure logic for me.

Cockadoodledooo · 12/12/2014 23:34

I wouldn't. Terrified of not being able to getto my babies in the event of a fire.

Don't remember this myself but have been told since that when we were little (3 & 5ish) me and dsis were left so dparents could go nextdoor for a bevvy. Dsis woke, found mum & dad missing so climbed out of a downstairs window, went and knocked nextdoor and asked if her mummy and daddy were there. Don't fancy going through that one myself.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 23:36

I am not arguing for argument sake, I want to know why there have been such hysterical (yes!) responses which dont stand up to scrutiny.

If the answer is "Because I wouldnt feel comfortable doing it", then fine, just say so, but dont try and dress it up into you being a better parent than me because I may, in the same circumstances, do it differently.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 23:37

And given that its now gone half eleven I think we can safely assume that the OP either a) didnt go, she said she wasnt going to or b) did go and is wisely not coming back to tell us that she did. Either way, rather moot :o

Selinasupreme · 12/12/2014 23:40

Why not just take the child into the garden with you? Who pegs the washing out at night in December? Plan better, do it in the day.

I live in a terrace with a 6ft 6ft yard, my sons window overlooks the yard, when I'm in there I can hear him even without the monitor, I know he is safe.

A flat is a seperate soundproofed property with a lockable door, keys could be lost, doors could jam, the possibilities are far fetched but possible nonetheless. I won't discuss this further because you seem too think it isn't ok, yet you are getting bogged down with details in order to challenge me personally which is absolutely nothing to do with the matter at hand.

jbledyeah · 12/12/2014 23:44

I think you saying you havnt given your children and thought since putting them to bed is pretty bad parenting.

No one is being hysterical. Leaving your 18 month old child alone in the house is in breech of the children act 1989 whether you think it is ok or not. that is a fact.

these argument do stand up to scrutiny as they are based on legislation and national guidance.

this whole attitude of 'well other people do it so its fine' is completely irrelevant. other mothers beat their children, but its safe to say were all in agreement that its not fine. just because one parent does it, it does not make it ok.

SolomanDaisy · 12/12/2014 23:49

I wouldn't ever do it, but where I live (in the Netherlands), this is widely accepted. I have lots of friends who do it, including leaving the baby monitor with the neighbour as a form of babysitting and using an iPhone monitor app for when they pick up older kids from school. I have never heard of it causing a problem and people find it funny that we won't do it.

DixieNormas · 12/12/2014 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jbledyeah · 13/12/2014 00:01

a tad dramatic. but I think making the statement that you have given your child a moments thought is pretty bad to be honest.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 13/12/2014 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyCassandra · 13/12/2014 00:12

Why not just take the child into the garden with you? Who pegs the washing out at night in December? Plan better, do it in the day.

I peg my washing out during the day, with a two year old having his nap upstairs in our first floor flat.
We used to (when we had the best neighbours in the world) go to theirs, or them to us at least 3 times a week with the kids in bed. The flats were opposite (like in Friends) and we took a monitor. I guarantee we were closer to our children than most people who live in houses.

And for the record I don't think Bogey is arguing for arguings sake, but I do think people are being overly hysterical, and are probably the same people who wouldn't leave their baby in the car while paying for petrol.Smile

Tobyjugg · 13/12/2014 00:14

Bogey FWIW, I'm with you. I cannot see how being in a flat next door is no worse than being in a ground floor room with dc on the 2nd floor. I also think there is nothing wrong with a parent doing something in the hose that means they don't think of their dcs once they have gone to bed.