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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby asleep with a working monitor whilst I go next door for Christmas drinks?

252 replies

PatButchersLostEaring · 12/12/2014 20:36

Really unsure if this is a bad idea so opinions please.

Baby 18 months sound asleep with monitor on and working. DH next door quaffing mulled wine and I plan to join him...... Maybe.

Is this ok?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 22:11

For me it has never come up, either there are parties where the kids are invited or they are further away than next door so either I dont go or I get a babysitter.

I am just looking at this in a logical way and trying to find out why people such as yourself think that being further away in your own home is safer than being closer to your child but next door.

Its a genuine query, I dont understand why one is ok and the other isnt. And you havent actually answered why you think that is!

HedgehogsDontBite · 12/12/2014 22:29

I wouldn't do this, but I do take the monitor to the end of the garden when he's asleep which means I can't even see the house (hidden behind massive shrubs). I don't understand why one is ok and the other isn't either, it just feels that way Confused

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 22:35

hedgehog "it doesnt feel right" is understandable. Your place is home so presumably every inch of it feels safe to you, and even though next door is closer it wont feel as safe.

I suspected that that may be the reason for many people, but I am curious as to why they wont say!

katese11 · 12/12/2014 22:38

You have to weigh up risks and I think the most likely risk is that someone else at your neighbour's finds out you left the baby and takes it upon themselves to call SS. Or just have a massive go at you which, let's face it, would also spoil your night.

ArfurFoulkesayke · 12/12/2014 22:41

I've done it in a terraced house. We had smoke alarms, we checked the monitor (it was loud), it was just 4 of us so not exactly raucous. DD was in a cot and a fantastic sleeper. I think there are worse things for people to get their knickers in a twist about, tbh.

SolidGoldBrass · 12/12/2014 22:41

I would. It's the flat next door, so no different to being downstairs/upstairs in a house. I left DS in a tent and went to the bar when he was about 8 months old (bar was about 30 feet away and I had the baby monitor with me); did similar in a hotel. DS didn't vanish or explode or even wake up.

Stealthpolarbear · 12/12/2014 22:48

The difference between being in your garden on a summer evening and being next door in flats is that presumably you have the window open and door unlocked. WHEREAS IN Flats the door would be locked and there is presumably some soundproofing. I wouldn't do it as I couldn't relax.

LadyCassandra · 12/12/2014 22:50

There are some hysterical responses here.
For those who wouldn't, even in a flat, what would you do in a flat if you wanted to peg washing out outside and your child was having s nap? Because I regularly do this too, should SS get involved? Confused

GreenPetal94 · 12/12/2014 22:51

Yes, have done it and both boys lived to tell the tale. Flat below, Hogmanay every year. Do check the monitor works between two of you and don't get too drunk.

ArfurFoulkesayke · 12/12/2014 22:52

But the monitor is there to pick up noises?

RojaGato · 12/12/2014 22:53

I would just think of Madeleine McCann and not do it.

Take turns with DH or get a sitter.

Stealthpolarbear · 12/12/2014 22:54

Yeah I know that it's not totally rational :) never really trusted those things
Pegging washing out takes ten mins. I'd pop next door to collect a parcel. I wouldn't go and get comfy and relax

FunnysInLaJardin · 12/12/2014 22:54

god, i am so glad mine are 5 and 9. No such problems here. FWIW, its fine OP. Really and truly

jbledyeah · 12/12/2014 22:55

Sorry to burst your little bubble guys, but leaving an 18 month old child alone to go drinking is never acceptable, regardless of the circumstances. NCPCC state that a baby, toddler or young child should NEVER be left alone. a child can only be left alone if they are deemed responsible and mature enough to safely look after themselves for a short period of time. if a child wakes and the care giver is not there it can be emotionally distressing to say the least.

You may not think that your child has to ability to leave their cot, but today could be the day they learn how to.

Either way, the law is pretty objective on this..

And yes, it would be a child safeguarding issue.

Cherrychocolate · 12/12/2014 22:57

No. I prefer to look after my children, put them first and keep them safe.

Haushinka · 12/12/2014 22:58

I wouldn't.

I think even if I could get back in seconds, I wouldn't like it if I couldn't see the child when next door. And I'd feel bad if they woke and knew that noone was in the home.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 22:59

"I would not be happy to do it" is a perfectly sane and understandable response imo, we all have our own safety boundaries. What isnt sane or understandable is trotting out comments such as "Oh I bet thats just what the McCanns thought and look what happened to them" as was posted above (OK I paraphrased but the implication was there) or some of the other hysterical responses that were posted in order to justify "I wouldnt feel comfortable doing it".

Just say that! You worry that the above could happen so you dont risk it, thats fine, as long as you also accept that the chances of any of those things happening are actually far less than you child being injured or killed while you are at home with them and that your response is not very logical.

It doesnt mean that you shouldnt say "no, I will stay at home" but equally it doesnt mean that you can bombard another person with imaginary tragedies because they feel differently. Or invent new laws that currently dont exist Hmm

Haushinka · 12/12/2014 22:59

And sorry, got to add I wouldn't do it anyway.

Stealthpolarbear · 12/12/2014 23:00

Exactly bogey. We all set our own boundaries.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 23:03

Sorry to burst your little bubble guys, but leaving an 18 month old child alone to go drinking is never acceptable, regardless of the circumstances.

I hardly think that going next door for a glass of mulled wine or 2 is "going drinking". The OP wasnt suggesting that she leave the baby overnight while she goes clubbing FFS.

NCPCC state that a baby, toddler or young child should NEVER be left alone. Read my link above. And define "alone". Is alone when the parent is on the same property? So in theory if you have a 100 foot garden at a terraced house you would be further away when hanging out the washing than you would be if you were in next doors living room. Many people wouldnt bother with a monitor to hang out the laundry but they would take it next door.

As I say, for me this has never come up but I really cant get my head around the argument that the next room is more dangerous than upstairs just because there happens to be 2 front doors in between.

Oakmaiden · 12/12/2014 23:03

Have you not seen people who can somehow see your kids through your monitor and even talk? What if someone else is watching you and your family?

Hysterical.

And not in a funny way.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 23:05

Is alone when the parent is not on the same property?

Cherrychocolate · 12/12/2014 23:06

OP, just by posting that you are unsure about doing this means that you know it's not a good thing to do for your child, so why would you even consider it?

Putting your child's needs before your own is basic parenting.

Can't believe anyone would do this.

Oakmaiden · 12/12/2014 23:07

NCPCC state that a baby, toddler or young child should NEVER be left alone.

As it happens the NSPCC are not makers of law in this country. They just offer advice. As parent's, it is our job to decide whether we want to take that advice, and how strictly we will implement it.

Oakmaiden · 12/12/2014 23:07

rogue apostrophe there. rushes off to commit an act of contrition