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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby asleep with a working monitor whilst I go next door for Christmas drinks?

252 replies

PatButchersLostEaring · 12/12/2014 20:36

Really unsure if this is a bad idea so opinions please.

Baby 18 months sound asleep with monitor on and working. DH next door quaffing mulled wine and I plan to join him...... Maybe.

Is this ok?

OP posts:
pilates · 12/12/2014 21:04

No, take turns.

It's not worth it.

Selinasupreme · 12/12/2014 21:06

I can't believe people are discussing this like it's normal behaviour and acceptable? Trying to justify it? If I sit in my garden with my front door and windows locked, with my baby monitor and my sons bedroom window open I know he is safe while I read a book or something. if You are next door with nothing to rely on but a monitor that could fail and someone (small chance but stranger things have happened) broke into your home can you honestly say you could get back in time to stop someone taking your child? And people trying to say that only OTT parents wouldn't do this, or trying to condone such irresponsible behaviour are terrible! It's ok if the smoke alarm works? WTF!

Shirleycantbe · 12/12/2014 21:07

If it's adjoining terraced houses/flats - I would and have in the past.

We now have a big house - sure a burglar could possibly access the back without us knowing while we watch telly in the front room - what are we supposed to do?

Its about reasonable assessment of risk rather than imagining the faintest possibility of a worst case scenario. It we lived our lives by the latter we would never put our children in a car for a long journey (train safer).

Mrsgrumble · 12/12/2014 21:08

Nope. Don't don't do it

Baby in pram and bring them with you is your solution

HopeNope · 12/12/2014 21:10

If its a terraced/semi house, and I had a clear video monitor I would probably do it.

If its not a terraced/semi I wouldn't.

Embolio · 12/12/2014 21:12

No, I have an 18 month okd (not pfb) and I wouldn't do this. Take it in turns like tbe rest of us have to!

Fiftyplusmum · 12/12/2014 21:13

Take turns with DH. Or don't go.

Woodenheart · 12/12/2014 21:17

No I couldnt do it, I couldnt relax or hear the monitor properly if people are cghatting.

Ringovandingo · 12/12/2014 21:20

No way it's not worth it

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 21:36

Selina

How is you being the garden safer than you being next door? These are not big rambling houses on lots of land, the OP is in a block of flats so is probably closer to her child when she is next door than my mum was to me when I was a baby (and she didnt have a baby monitor).

Presumably you wouldnt hear more than if you were in the next door flat in a block? Also, I would think that a block of flats is safer than a house as it has two security doors between the outside world and the flat, not just one as you get in most houses. Also, being awake and checking the monitor/going back to check in person is probably less risky than being in the flat but fast asleep.
I just dont see the difference between being in the next room in the same flat, or being in the next room but in next doors flat. And I am the most paranoid person in the world!

Selinasupreme · 12/12/2014 21:42

I'm really not going to argue the ins and outs to justify this, it's actually a child protection issue and if social services were aware of this sort of thing they would be assessing instantly. So asking Mumsnet for advice on your child's safety is irrelevant isn't it?

youlookbeautifultonight · 12/12/2014 21:43

I think it is all down to your own personal judgment of the situation tbh. Some of the posts on this thread are slightly hysterical.

Xmasbaby11 · 12/12/2014 21:46

No way.

CocobearSqueeze · 12/12/2014 21:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

WeeFreeKings · 12/12/2014 21:48

If our favourite neighbours lived next door rather than across the road I'd certainly consider doing it.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 21:48

I wasnt asking you to argue the ins and outs of it, just wondered why you felt that being further away on your own property is somehow safer than being closer to your child whilst being next door!

The social services aspect isnt relevant to what I was asking.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 21:49

Bingo

Took longer than expected though......

Selinasupreme · 12/12/2014 21:50

I'm sure the people who can't comprehend how this is wrong had plenty to say about the mccans leaving their children alone to go for a meal.

A block of flats is a number of properties, whatever your principles are, you don't leave your child of that age alone in a property, the details or how close or the justifications for this are irrelevant, leaving an 18 month old baby alone in a flat and leaving the property to go to a party at another is irresponsible and wrong.

KatieKatie1980 · 12/12/2014 21:51

No. I wouldn't do it - don't do it.

I know you have a monitor and everything but leaving a baby alone in your house, even if you are just next door..no.

Get your husband to swap with you.

CocobearSqueeze · 12/12/2014 21:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 21:57

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

According to this, unless the child suffered harm in a way that would not have happened if the parents had been with them, and you could argue that being at the bottom of a long garden could count under those rules, it is unlikely that SS would be interested. I very much doubt you would be prosecuted for popping next door for an hour with a monitor in your hand.

I would guess that it would be weighed up on whether the accident/incident would have happened anyway. So in theory leaving a sleeping child upstairs in a big house v leaving a sleeping child in a flat while you are in the next room (although technically in a different property) could end up with the home owner in the big house being in more trouble if they didnt take the necessary precautions due to the size of their home.

Its all about personal risk perception. I would be happier to be next door with a monitor than in the garden without one as I would be a) closer and b) able to hear what was going on.

Fabulous46 · 12/12/2014 21:58

it's actually a child protection issue and if social services were aware of this sort of thing they would be assessing instantly.

Not necessarily. If the parent had taken reasonable steps to ensure the safety of their children ie monitors etc there MAY not be an issue. Especially of they were only next door. It's a grey area.

Bogeyface · 12/12/2014 22:02

I'm sure the people who can't comprehend how this is wrong had plenty to say about the mccans leaving their children alone to go for a meal.

I cant understand that at all. Buts thats because they were 150 metres away walking distance (50 as the crow flies but there was no direct access), couldnt see the flat and didnt have a monitor on them. So hardly comparable.

TooHasty · 12/12/2014 22:03

No ! When I have a dilemma like this, I think how the newspaper headlines would read if, god forbid,f something happened eg baby chokes/burns/falls is snatched home alone while parents out at boozy party'

Selinasupreme · 12/12/2014 22:07

Wow, do you all really love mulled wine that much? Amazing.