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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I just got punched. in front of my three and four year old.

310 replies

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:24

I'll start at the beginning. I popped to the supermarket to buy some bits and bobs for a meal that me and my boys are preparing for some family visitors tonight. I had my boys with me as I'm a single dad. We went in and got the boys and bobs that we needed. My lads are good, but we're starting to get a little bit fractious towards the end, as it was pre Christmas busy. We went back to the car and loaded up. No issues. As I was driving out, I realised that I'd forgotten the cream for making my potato gratin. No big deal, we spun round parked up again and I started to get the lads out. They didn't want to go in again. No problem. They are good lads and obedient, and understand the meaning of a promise. I asked them if they would like to stay in the car whilst I ran in to the shop. They eagerly agreed. I told them that they must stay in their seats, and that they could read their books or play with their toys. They are both sticklers for rules, so I had every confidence that this is what would happen for the couple of minutes that I would be out of sight. So car alarm internal sensors deactivated, doors deadlocked and kids happy, that's what happened. And when I returned 2-3 minutes later, that's exactly how I found them, happily reading books to each other. Everything was fine, until some bloke came and angrily pulled open my door and started yelling at me. Now I KNOW that this is a controversial subject, and that lots of people would have condemned my actions as neglectful, but respectfully, that's their opinion, which isn't born out by facts or law. I'm a fairly thoughtful bloke, but I've got some quite strong opinions about this nanny state, risk averse society that is increasingly prevalent. I've already considered this whole issue, and I'm very aware that this is an issue that has been done to death on mumsnet, and I'm also aware that my opinion is against the majority opinion these days. Anyway, I digress. The bloke that opened my car door was aggressive and shouty. I didn't get a chance to put my thoughts about risks vs benefits, or the fact that more kids get run over and killed in busy car parks than get abducted from cars, or that it was my parenting decision and none of his business, I just told him to go away. He said he was going to call the police, I said be my guest, I'd done nothing illegal. I told him to go away again, he punched me. My kids were screaming in fear at this point. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest. Shortly afterwards I managed to get my door shut and drive away.

My problem is, I don't know what to do now. Normally it would obviously be to report it to the police, but to be honest, I can't be doing with all the hand wringing and questions asked about my parenting. I should imagine that there's quite a risk that the police would report me to social services at the very least, and I don't need the stree, even though I would wholeheartedly defend my decision making process. Plus, I have no idea of this blokes identity.

Should I just chalk it up to experience and try to forget about it? That's my current plan, but I'm always inclined to bury my head in the sand about stuff anyway, and it's not always the best course of action. The most distressing thing about the whole thing is that it's obviously deeply upset my boys, who keep asking about the 'horrible man.'

Thoughts?

OP posts:
WillkommenBienvenue · 07/12/2014 18:16

And I'm a ex social worker.

Well obviously.

needastrongone · 07/12/2014 18:19

My best friend is a children's social worker, full time. She's dedicated and hard working. And a single mum. Her 3 DC have had to let themselves into the house after school since year 6.

I might ask her actually, next time I see her, what her stance would be.

Bettercallsaul1 · 07/12/2014 18:20

This thread seems to be populated by obese social workers.

needastrongone · 07/12/2014 18:21

elk Grin

BrucieTheShark · 07/12/2014 18:21

Errr - was that to me Fanjo @17:47?

Wtf?

I liked what Pag said about the OP.

If not to me, then forget I spoke.

Altinkum · 07/12/2014 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Showy · 07/12/2014 18:21

IME, which is of two whole people slipping on a grape, it's the fact that the grape has already been trodden on which introduces the risk factor. You can stamp on all the whole grapes you want, but a previously squashed one is your enemy. Summat to do with adequate lubrication I'll wager.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 18:23

Bruce. Sorry. I misunderstood you then amidst the morass of trolling Thanks

ChippingInAutumnLover · 07/12/2014 18:24

FaultySingleDad

I hope you aren't too sore?

You 'could' and 'should' report him really, but in your position I wouldn't. Not because I think you were wrong to leave the kids in the car (I don't, I do it happily myself) but because it's Just Not Worth The Hassle. It's highly unlikely that anything will come of it, other than possible SS involvement and frankly, it's really not worth the hassle IMO.

Tell the boys the man was just a silly man who thought you shouldn't have left them in the car for 2/3/4/5 minutes and that the policeman will tell him off for hitting you and scaring them (a little stretch of the truth to reassure them).

BrucieTheShark · 07/12/2014 18:24

Appreciate the flowers but come on ffs.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 18:26

Brucie. I assumed that you took Pags words about the punching man and twisted them to make a dig at the people commenting that the OP shouldn't have left his kids.

If you didn't then sorry.

I'm not going to feckin grovel though.

DixieNormas · 07/12/2014 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 18:27

Only on the internet do cars suddenly combust often, people slip on grapes and knock themselves out, people break into cars and steal children, get electrocuted by a machine, knifed or have a heart attack while shopping.

Do people really live this way? worrying about every tiny thing that may happen?

PossumPoo · 07/12/2014 18:27

Geeze Bruce, you don't like apologies? Confused

WillkommenBienvenue · 07/12/2014 18:28

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Altinkum sorry, it was just funny that you said 'ex' social worker.

Potato gratins all round. Wine

fluffyraggies · 07/12/2014 18:30

My next door neighbors car spontaneously combusted!! I've just remembered.

He was sat in it (engine off) at school pick up Shock

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 18:31

And really.. who wouldn't risk a kid for potato goodness?

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 18:31

I'm not getting in my car or going shopping ever again.

Bettercallsaul1 · 07/12/2014 18:32

I blame all this potato gratin for the obesity on Mumsnet.

temporaryusername · 07/12/2014 18:36

I think you were completely wrong to leave the children alone. Perhaps this encounter has reminded you that crazy people are out there! I don't care if people think I'm being hysterical, all number of things could have gone wrong and for what? A few moments convenience?

Anyhow, it was completely wrong also for this man to have punched you, absolutely outrageous and I would be tempted to report it. Yes, you may have to defend your decision to leave the children in the car, but since you have your reasons as described you should be happy to do that.

needastrongone · 07/12/2014 18:37

DS is home. And alive. As far as I am aware, there were no grapes or potato gratin involved in his afternoon, but probably too much X-box.

raltheraffe · 07/12/2014 18:39

Faireenuff, My ex's uncle slipped on a grape in Morrissons landed badly fractured his back, had spinal surgery, got an infection as a surgical complication and DIED.

Sounds far fetched but it genuinely happened.

Killed by a grape.

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 18:39

Well, it looks like it could be just as dangerous to take children in the supermarket with these killer grapes and machines!

They are probably safer in the car.

Seriously, I see no issue at all with leaving children in the car for a couple of minutes. I regularly leave mine in the living room while I go into the garden and who knows what could happen? Life is full of risks.

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 18:40

I can totally see bad accidents happening from slipping on grapes but the way the poster wrote that post was hilarious. It really made me smile :)

WillkommenBienvenue · 07/12/2014 18:43

you may have to defend your decision to leave the children in the car, but since you have your reasons

The reason -

"potato gratin officer"
"potato what?"

I rest my case.